I don't know if I can do this.....

[strungout]

Everyone here is totally going to think I am the most pathetic person you have ever been introduced to but I cannot help the way I feel about the love of my life.... Just wanted to get that out of the way.

 

To make a horrifically long story semi-short... I am 24 and have a (ex)girlfriend of 7 years and she is pretty much all I know or care about. She is 21. I know I am not a prefect boyfriend, far from it, but, I have always totally supported us and have never, ever, hurt her intentional or betrayed her.

 

She has cheated on me with... can I just say numerous people? It's always so unimaginably hard but I simply cannot deal with this time. She moved out of our house 2 months ago but we have still "stayed together". I know you are going to say that was a sign right there, but you have to know our relationship and we have spent most nights together still at her place or mine.

 

I have fought through this before, over and over. Because I love her so much and CANNOT let go of what we've had. I never cared how pathetic I looked.

 

We spent Wed night together, and were intimate. Thurs she slept with someone she was cheating on me before with and Fri she slept with the guy I guess she is "seeing" now. 3 guys, 3 nights. SO NOT HER! At least not who I met.

 

After the second night she came over "feeling bad" and brought me orange juice and got my clothes ready for work. WHY IS THE CURE ALSO THE DISEASE?

 

I haven't slept, ate or been able to get these mental images of them out of mind mind for ONE second. I have a big problem with anxiety and panic attacks and I don't know how I am going to get through this night. I have to work in the morning, and I am in sales, so how the F*** am I supoosed to do that?

 

I CANNOT STAND THE THOUGHT OF THEM TWO TOGETHER. Can't stand the sexual thoughts, can't stand to know she is laying on his shoulder, can't stand that she wants to be with him.

 

I am all alone, which is probably the way it should be. My friends don't help, although I appreciate their concern. But, they don't understand.

 

I don't know what I am looking for writing here. But it kept me busy for 10 mins so... I guess it helped one way or the other. I don't know if I can do this.......

[FortunateOne]

DUDE! You need some self respect. Does your life really need her validation? This is why she's done what's she's done. Snap out of it and move on since, to me, she seems like an extreme narcissist that's going to rip your last remaining threads of manhood with her manipulative ways. Please see this as a wake up call to make of life what you want. It may take years, but imagine how wonderful you can live your dreams. You're worth it. Take charge and fix it.

[Scout]

Hi, Strungout...I gotta say, you picked a pretty appropriate user name, friend. Some people are addicted to cigarettes...to booze...to drugs...to overeating...your addiction happens to be this girl. And I think that's what your friends are having a hard time understanding, and perhaps you are, as well.

 

Because you're addicted, you keep going back for me, even if you are sacrificing more of your self-respect each time. Even though it's causing more harm than good in your life.

 

Now, if I were you, I'd study some books on the patterns of addiction. Also, ask yourself what you get from her that you couldn't get from another girl? And what could you get from another girl that you will never get from your current girl?

[justme07]

Gosh...

Please try and see how much better you deserve than that.

NOONE deserves to be treated like that, silly you for letting her keep doing this to you by staying with her.

I hope things become clearer for you, and u work up the courage to leave this 'relationship' that is hurting you so much despite how much u may love her...she doesnt deserve you.

[strungout]

I know, but it's this feeling right now I am struggling (not even a strong enough word) with. Thank you for that, I appreciate your support.

 

But, I can't help but think about the person that I met. That I spent the first four years of our lives together with.

 

And, there is more to it. We both lost our Mom's last year within a month of each other. Me and my Mom were soooo close and she was my life. She was in the room with me when she passed and was my crutch for the year after. I wouldn't have made it through without her. Among that, other things and her being the one I thought I would spend the rest of my life with I just can't see letting go. Why am I like this?...

[Scout]

And, there is more to it. We both lost our Mom's last year within a month of each other. Me and my Mom were soooo close and she was my life. She was in the room with me when she passed and was my crutch for the year after. I wouldn't have made it through without her. Among that, other things and her being the one I thought I would spend the rest of my life with I just can't see letting go. Why am I like this?...

 

I'm terribly sorry about your mother. I can't imagine how hard that has been for you, and I DO understand why your girlfriend's support further increased the love you had for her. And at the time, it really did strengthen the bond between you, as well.

 

But...for whatever reasons, she is going down a seriously different path now. Wouldn't it be better to end the relationship while you still have some love and good memories? Because I predict it's going to get a lot more sordid the longer you stay, and do you really want to end up hating the girl? I think that would make you feel worse.

 

You will find there are occasions in life where sometimes, a situation can't be fixed. And it's best to just walk away from it before it gets even worse.

[stephjones]

i dont have any advice for you really - but i just want you to know, i have the same anxiety/fears of letting my ex go too. our situation is not the same, cause he has not done anything to disrespect me or anything like that, but he has been clear he doenst want to be with me.

 

we are still living togheter now, and i have the same anxiety thinking that i will not be able to get through the day without him. i guess im jsut saying that you are not alone in feeling that way - that you cant let her go. i know whats best for me, as you probably do too - but it is hard to take that next step and move on.

 

do you really want to be with someone that treats you that way though?? she is obviously not the same person you fell in love with. as hard as it is to walk away, i really think you need to. if you cant be strong enough to walk away, how is she supposed to respect you? why would you want to be with someone who has that little respect?

[Locke2121]

I'm sorry about your mom, and I can see how that would create a bond, but I have to say something.

 

I mean no disrespect, and I hope that I don't offend anyone, but dude you need to grow a pair right now and get rid of this chick!

 

You may think there is a great bond her, but to her you are nothing more than a doormat! She comes over once and a while, rubs her feet on you and leaves to have fun. That is simply wrong!

 

Cut her out of your life...move on and try to find that special someone who will treat you the way you DESERVE to be treated..

 

 

Wow.....just...wow!

[HeartGoesOn]

First of all, I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mom. As for what you're going through with this girl, I think you need to show her that you respect yourself by not standing for this kind of behavior. In the long run, she will have more respect for you, and if nothing else it will make her think. She will continue to do this if you just sit back and allow it. I do wish you the best, and take care of yourself.

[strungout]

Words cannot express the appreciation I have for the support you have all offered me and the perspective from people who understand.

 

I THANK YOU ALL!!!

 

I am trying, I'm trying right now. I know for a fact she is with him at this very moment.

 

All I know is, i never thought it would be this hard. Never. Should I do the whole No Contact Rule? It sucks because since she moved out I drive by her house everytime I leave and she is so close. Tempataion is hard not to look over. Because if I do and see that he stayed the night or see that anytime I won't be able to deal and would have a horrific day at work or whatever I am doing.

[finewhine]

Go No Contact. Don't be too hard on yourself either - you've been through quite a lot.

[bar35]

What you are going through is the worst pain that I know of. I have never lost a parent, so i can't express what that must be like for you, please accept my deepest condolences. As for the girl who is treating you so wretchedly, the only thing that is going to help you is to stay away from her. If you let it slip and spend time with her, if you contact her and speak with her, that's ok but it will set you back a number of steps that you have moved forward.

 

The fact that you live so close to her would be like a living hell for me too. I know exactly what you mean when you say that you are haunted by images of them together. The best thing for you to do is keep your mind off of it, somehow. If you find a way to do it please share it with me, I have always found that to be the most difficult hurdle to get past, the images are like a plague, a shackle and chain holding us in the past.

 

I have had other girl friends before who i felt the same way about, and thought that I was goinig to lost my mind, which i did temporarily, but now i have moved on. So it is going to happen, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but it will happen.

[indespair]

I SO know what you are going through right now. I had a similar experience last year and really thought at times that I wouldn't make it through. I experienced everything - the panic attacks (which are still there), the daily agonizing over what he was doing and was he kissing her? Making love to her? I tortured myself with these images, thank God I had friends who cared about me and allowed me to rant & rave...I got so skinny I actually considered modelling! lol Anyway, to make a long story short, I feel your pain and know that the only way to get out of it is to either make it so you guys can get back together again (someday) or just cut it off altogether. The more you seem miserable, the more power it gives HER, and the more sorry she will feel for you. However, if you can at least make the appearance of being over it and growing a backbone, she might MIGHT want to come back to you anyway. In my opinion though, it is totally messed up what she has done to you...cheating on you so many times...if she wanted to be with other men she should have just told you and broken it off. BUT - there's the possibility that because of the trauma you & she both experienced with your moms passing, you may have developed an obsession with this person. You can't go on, and you can't let go. It is the ultimate paradox, and one that is also the most hurtful. Let her go. Get out while you can and let her find her own path. If you were supposed to be together, your footprints will catch up with each other again at some point. Above all, keep the faith in YOURSELF. You can do it!! I did, and feel a HELL of a lot better now than I did before...people like that have their OWN issues sometimes, and it has NOTHING to do with you. You sound cool and decent and I'm sure someone else out there can & will appreciate you for who you are --- don't give up!

[p_fred]

I don't know how she can do this... not only to you but to herself. She must have some issues herself (low self esteem? insecure? sex addict?)

 

Stay away!!

 

I would be more worried for your health if she is going around sleeping with all these other people. Protect yourself and your health. I don't want to scare you but I hope you don't get some STD like HIV, hopefully these guys aren't sleeping with other people as well.

 

BTW: How do you know who she is sleeping with and when? Did she tell you directly?