krissbrown Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 Have a friend who makes plans, then cancels at the very last minute. I told her how rude it is and not to do it to me again.. 2 months ago she makes plans with me to go to a concert,she the one who wanted to go, is excited about going the day before. Promises she is going. Next day- i call- no word from her. at the time the concert starts she calls to tell me she changed her mind. I tell her to think about it and call me back in 10 mins- never calls - last minute i luckily got my other friend to go... she calls 3 hours later leaving a message that she wound up getting dressed up and shes with her friends and want me to put her on the party list for a party i mentioned i was going to after the concert... I just did not get back to her.. Then she sends an email inviting me to something, i wrote back and asked why she canceled plans, she writes back a long reply blaming me and lying about the times we planned that day and says "i thought you were ok about it cause you were not mad, next time let me know you are mad, and i would have dragged myself if you went by yourself" --- The email really made me upset, i thought it was a slap in the face. I wrote her back calling her out on it and letting her know what she did was wrong. She never replied but sent an email weeks later like nothing happened. We made plans to go to something else 2 weeks ago, she called me about 10 times the week before to make plans for it. The last minute, she called and cancelled again. In my head im thinking "wow you're freaking nuts".. I just said ok, bye.. I wrote her an email asking if everything is ok with her? She says it is.. Shes called again to invite me out this time I just never replied. I figure if she really wants to be friends whe will contact me again. I have not heard from her. So should i contact her in hopes that she changed? or forget it? Thanks Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 I notice that a theme in your threads is about bad friendships. Why are you seeking these friendships out and how does this happen? What do you think your role in these things is? Link to comment
krissbrown Posted March 11, 2007 Author Share Posted March 11, 2007 Well I've had a problem with this friend and my childhood friend. they both puzzle me too much. Both friendships started out with beautiful and turned sour. Maybe because the first time she cancelled i said its ok and the second and the third , then the fourth i put my foot down. Maybe i should have said something right away. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 Why don't you just tell her exactly how you feel? that you value your friendship and want things to be good, and that you understand if a true emergency pops up and she can't go somewhere, but that out of respect for you and your time and your friendship, she should not cancel if she has agreed to go. it's just rude and puts a sour taste in your mouth. I don't think that you should have just blown off her calls, I think you should have just talked to her about what was bothering you. Link to comment
krissbrown Posted March 11, 2007 Author Share Posted March 11, 2007 I told her everything that you just mentioned, in person,how hurtful it is, disrespectful, rude, not the actions of a friend, i said if you value me as a friend you wont do this to me,, she apologises and promises not to do it again, the next week she does the exact same thing again. Then I have the same talk, she does it again. I even asked he rmany times if everything was ok with her? she says yes. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 Stop having the talk. She does this, because when she does, there is no reprisal. To get your friends to value you, you have to value yourself first. Stop giving her the chance to do this. Stop inviting her to places. Link to comment
Honey Pumpkin Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 Hmmm, I have found being honest and upfront with friends works well. No playing games and pretending that things are okay when they are not, but being firm and matter of fact. So for instance, I will not wait for people who are late. I am *always* on time (it's a weakness!), and I have now put my foot down to waiting in bars for female friends who are always late. I will wait for 20 - 30 minutes, but longer than that and I go. Not horrible about it, but I'm not prepared to wait. And I've not lost any friends over it, all I've had to do is to smile and say that they were close to my leaving time..!! Anyway, my advice would be to make sure that you have very specific meeting times with your friends -r ather than wait to the day to confirm, arrange earlier in the week that you will meet at THIS PLACE at THIS TIME in order to do something. Make it firm and specific, and clear that they are expected. And if they don't turn up, they need to cancel with enough time for you to sort something out. Don't make it a big deal - friends aren't about giving you a hard time or judging you; but it is about being clear what your expectations are. Good luck Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 Anyway, my advice would be to make sure that you have very specific meeting times with your friends -r ather than wait to the day to confirm, arrange earlier in the week that you will meet at THIS PLACE at THIS TIME in order to do something. Make it firm and specific, and clear that they are expected. And if they don't turn up, they need to cancel with enough time for you to sort something out. I agree, I tend to make plans for a specific date and time and place, right then and there. Instead of "well, just call me in the afternoon and we'll figure it out." that can get messy. Link to comment
spirits Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 I've dated someone exactly like this before 6 years ago. You have great hope for like 2 entire weeks and in the VERY LAST HOUR, she cancels. Happened like 3 times just with this person. I guess your situation is a little different because you guys are merely friends. But if i were to go back in time. Let her know exactly what she did wrong and don't call her again. Also, have more things to do with your life and say you're too busy to be with a childish person. Honestly, if she messages you, don't reply at least for a day and then say you're busy. If you reply immediately, you will be disrespected and she'll do exactly the same thing again. That's the very best route you can take. PS - Now that i think about it, i didn't have such a courage back then to say what you said, that she is rude! Link to comment
SexySadie7 Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 But agent, it's the friend who's inviting her! This drives me crazy too and I'm about too start a post on this myself, OP. I was supposed to go to a barbeque at a friends' house. They invite me, I get all pysched.. then suddenly the roommate of the friend giving a barbeque has a migraine and the bbq is off! It was on a Saturday evening and I'd had definitely planned on doing something else if i knew they were going to flake out on me. I called the same girl a few weeks ago cuz I was in town and asked her on the cell phone voice mail if she didn't want to catch a cheap flick with me. She never even bothered to get back to me, but tells me a few days ago, she just didn't bother.... And to which she said, "well, i guess that makes me a bad person." I felt like saying. well, no, but certainly not a very considerate one.. but I was like you, and held my mud. i'm starting to make up my mind that it's not how we react that's so important, but the fact, that she'd even think to act like that in the first place! I'm deciding I really don't want to try to be friends with her anymore, cuz, like you, i'm tired of friends who disappoint me. I've got enough of those! I want some reliable, considerate friends. Then I had another "friend" who I'd been spending alot of time hanging out with, and talking on the phone with, ask me if i wanted to go to a club with him and his friend. I said, I'd like to go, but would like to meet him down at the place, since I had errands I needed to run in town. It was Friday night we were supposed to meet up. Again, another night I would of definitely planned on doing something interesting. Instead I ended up hanging out by myself all night, cuz he never bothered to call me. When i asked him why he didn't even call me, he just said that, "oh, well, it was kind of a hole in the wall. I didn't think you'd want to go." Then he proceeded to tell me what a fun time he had there himself, dancing and listening to the band and mingling. I mean.. what a rude jerk! I don't really trust him anymore that he's going to say what he says he will do... I won't accept any more invitations from him. This was after I was nice enough to carry him in my car to a movie I drove to see in town. The whole way I was driving, he was moaning on how "slow" i was driving up his windy curvy road that leads to town. i might add there's lots of "20 mph" signs on this road, so it's not the safest road to drive on. If I knew this jerk was going to stand me up, besides acting like a backseat drive (not to mention he kept staring at me throught the whole movie, it was unnerving!) I wouldn't have taken him in the first place. You don't need friends like this! Trust me.. it's not wasting your time on people like this! I need to make new friends too. I am not sure where I'm going to make them, but I've kinda of told myself I'm not getting into any more friendships where people treat me crappy! Link to comment
spirits Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 I need to make new friends too. Yeah, over the years, i realized there are a lot of people better than the ones we've had. We simply don't see it at the time. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 well, it sucks, but if she had a migrane, I think that is a decent excuse. I was supposed to see a friend of mine last night, but she cancelled because of the migrane, which I think is understandable, they are very difficult and painful. But if someone cancels on me because they are "tired", that I don't really appreciate. Link to comment
SexySadie7 Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 Well, the person making the barbecue was the girl who didn't bother to call me back a few weeks ago. It was her roommate, this guy who had the migraine. I guess it was a decent enuf excuse, but those two have blown me off before so, I wary of what they say is true, anymore. They are also ex-roomies of the friend who's always wanting me to do him favors, but rarely, if any, does any for me. I guess I'm just getting very tired of having my hopes raised for nothing by this crowd. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 I totally understand how you feel. best to invest more time in friends who follow though.... Link to comment
SexySadie7 Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 Yeah.. i'm starting to not believe in what these people tell me. My friend, who I was supposed to go with to the BBQ, his roommate promised me one of his pups his dog had a few weeks ago. Now I find out he's already agreed to give the pup I was supposed to get to his daughter's friend! My dog just died a month ago.. so I thought that was really nice of him to give me a puppy. I saw the puppies since they were just a few days old and I was getting attached to the puppy I was supposed to get every time I'd come to visit. It was giving me something to look forward to.. as I'm in a very depressed state right now, due to my dog dying. Now I got nothign to look forward to..... Yeah.. friends who make promises they don't intent to keep suck! Link to comment
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