Relationship Closure - Talking with ex-girlfriends

[rothman]

During this spring break, I finally talked to my ex-ex girlfriend about things, and came to a closure with her. Before out closure, I went on somewhat of a sexual spree where I would have sex with any girl without having feelings for that particular girl. I went on this spree because I was upset about my first breakup. During this spree, I had massive sexual relations with this girl, who, in the end, I developed feelings for. She doesn't talk to me because of a yelling argument (I created a scene), and she hasn't talked to me since. I have since "taken the hint" that she doesn't want to talk to me or have anything to do with me, but I still want to let her know why I did what I did, tell her that I regret yelling at her and that I have feelings, apologize, and tell her that my arms are open if by chance she would ever want to come back. I want to e-mail her these thoughts, so please tell me your thoughts... Is this a good idea? What should i include from looking at my situation?

[isidore]

Is the girl you want to e-mail your ex or the spree-fling? Either way you probably shouldn't do it. Relationships (in my experience) that have a foundation of random sex rarely blosom into healthy and lasting partnerships. Why not start anew with the next woman who you discover feelings for?

[rothman]

This is a new girl (a girl I had sex with during my spree). Her affection towards me, I don't think, can be replaced. Maybe this is why I keep backtracking to her because I feel I can't find the same affection she gave me from someone else. This is why I want to talk to her again.

[isidore]

You might be right. You may never find that exact same kind of affection again. Yet you could find something better with someone else. You should do what you want to. All I was trying to put out there was that if you guys were so randomly hot and heavy in the beginning you might find that trying to build something lasting with her could be impossible.

[rothman]

That makes sense. I also feel that I should let her know my feelings so that I can clear any confusion between us.

[rothman]

Branden –

 

Hey! I am just getting done with my spring break and thought I would drop you a line. You stopped talking to me and the last I heard from your mom, she told me that you didn’t want to have anything to do with me and that you were getting back with your ex-boyfriend. I understand why, and I don’t ever expect you to ever talk to me again. This spring break I finally came to closure with my first girlfriend, something that I should have done before I had started to date you. Now looking back at how I treated you, I could literally kill myself back then. I have no regrets hanging out with you and having fun; however, I regret treating you the way I did and yelling at you. There is no excuse for what I did and all I can say is that I’m sorry.

 

After ironing out things with my ex-girlfriend, I started to look back at our relationship. Back when I dated you, I really didn’t understand what a relationship entailed because I was under false assumptions of what girls wanted, and I was generally confused. I feel horrible for seemingly rejecting your true affection when I felt it was meaningless. You were right in telling me multiple times that there was more to being together than “sex.” It’s a shame that I can only understand this after silly past experiences. In the end, you were like a beautiful flower that I was lucky enough to find, but in stupid haste I destroyed it. We make mistakes when we are young, and we will move on.

 

In my dream, you would read this, forget about all of our differences, respond to this message, and we could be friends, and even go out as friends together. If I would win the lottery in my dreams, you and I could start 100% over, but I know that that will probably not be the case. You remain in my heart because you tried so hard to make me see something that I just couldn’t see… and just because of your personality and everything else about you that I loved (that would require a much longer e-mail). You are a gorgeous, gorgeous girl (something more that I regret loosing).

 

I also want to congratulate you on your sport triumphs with softball. I am proud of how well you are doing, and enjoy reading about your softball triumphs. I hope that all goes well with school. As for me, I am actually continuing my studies back at school because of scholarship opportunities and a better engineering school altogether, and I continue aspiring to become a doctor or get an MBA.

 

I feel better about sending you these words and thoughts. Maybe our paths will cross in the future (I hope they do).

 

 

... this is the message i want to send to her