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loneliness sucks


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I hate weekends.

I've been posting here for 3 months now and I'm still a pathetic bastard.

My breakup has made me unemployed.

I was alraedy very unhappy with my job. The break up kicked in my severe discontent.

So now I'm trying to get back up and get a job.

I hate not having a job and being broken hearted.

I feel aimless.

Shotgun in the mouth syndrome.

yeah....I said it...I'm bummed.

I will not act on that thought but the thought is there.

And that irritates me.

 

33 years old people and I've been looking and trying.

Thought I had it. Finally, I had a woman I could spend the rest of my life with.

 

But Nooooooooooo......

 

I hate relationships....they suck and the pain is not worth it.

 

It's the catch...

 

I love having someone to share my life with but when it doesn't workout....well, life becomes hell.

 

I feel raped, emotionally.

 

I'm tired people.

 

A friend told me that I don't seem happy until I have another in my life. And that is true.

He told me I need to be happy with myself. I know this. But the loneliness kills me.

 

I try and try.

 

It's quiet and dark. not a soul around.

 

meaning means nothing.

 

ugh...I have no questions to ask.

Mr. moderator may edit this...who knows.

I miss Waffle House on Sunday mornings.

I miss crossword puzzles and boggle, scrabble....

I miss my girl...I hate life now.........

so there you have it...a pathetic, broken hearted bastard who can't "move on".

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You ain't pathetic, elitheptic. I've had shotgun in the mouth syndrome myself years ago. Best thing to do in that situation is pawn your shotgun like I did. Guns and lonliness are dangerous conspirators.

 

I know, it sucks like a lice-infested sewer rat crawling on your chest when you reach that point in your life where you think, "Hey! This girl is it! I'm so dang happy my smile is hurting my face." And then she leaves. I'm right there in that stinking cell myself.

 

So who cares that you didn't ask a question? I'm going to commiserate anyway.

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thanks isidore...

I feel guilty.

I feel so self absorbed.

I cry when I read my own posts knowing that at least I'm safe in my own house and others are dying as we speak.

Freaking soldiers who didn't sign up for our little war are away from home.

So yes, I am pathetic.

listless....(sigh)

I cannot desribe how I feel. I'm angry with myself. hopeless. pissed. thinking about how I can score points with these words in a scrabble game with my ex.

too many vowels....

why was that taken away from me....all I want to do is sit in the floor and hang out and play a game.

Go to bed and curl up with my girl.

now i'm drunk and sappy.

took my contacts out, wearing glasses and remembering how she told me I look sexy with glasses.

Ahhhhhhhhh!

everything brings me back to her...

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I played scrabble with an ex and she soundly beat me always. That sucked about her

 

Couldn't she even let me win once? I'm not a gloater when I win. Ever play Swoggle? It sucks 'cause you end up with ink all over your hands win or lose.

 

Hang in there man. I'm the most pathetic person on this thread damn it!

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I wish he didn't get the girl in the end of "High Fidelity"

Would have made for a MUCH more comforting movie...

 

I hate this feeling.

solitude

insignificance....

a barren landscape haunts my mind....

dust.

dead leaves.

nothing but an orange scene....dust bowl.

damn.

 

I have absolutely no support system.

I was in a long distant relationship. and she left.

she has her friends...easy distraction.

Mine are married and no contact.

I'm just a little figure left all alone in the dark.

desperation sets in...

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metamorphisis....great way to put it.

but wasn't that what the teens and twenties are for?

lol

I know, we all continue to change, but I was actually very happy where I was.

When she dumped me I told her, "you were the best woman I've ever been with."

That was the first time I've ever told anyone that.

To tell you the truth, I need some socializing.

I haven't had the means or ways to go out.

I don't want a rebound, I want attention.

At least I'm getting some here...

thanks..

I know I don't really have it bad.

Things are just very dark at the moment.

I really appreciate all of the postings from you guys.

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Not many of us have it REEAALY BAD, thank god or the spirits or the universe for that. But what most of us have is a good-going shattered heart, a nasty class 1 injury, which damn, it seems to be up to us to fix. NO droping it off at the vet, of the mechanic or the laywer......and it needs attention, Now.

 

I'm going to scrape my limp bleeding heart from the highway of distruction and bring it in side to be nutured. I'm going to patch it all together, strenghten it in a few areas, that I have found to be vunerable, and then let it rest for a while. Then it will be whole. After that, who knows, maybe it will want to join my body again and we can get out in to that big-wild world......where I'm sure there has to be people with honest and true love.......

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But as always it the ""doing"" of these things that proves the crux. No need to be a teenager to metamorph........30 somethings do it just great and usually with a little financial omph. For me it is going to be....new city, new job....just a little hurdle to clear before getting there...

 

I too though I had met the man of my dreams, still do really.....just that one small factor of him up and leaving and me knocked sideways a miilion miles, took about two weeks to draw first breath. Three months on, still cry rivers of tears, still don't know why, but have to pull my self forward, cause staying still or going backward are just not attractive options.

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yeah...attractive options.

I think I've lost some sense of style wallowing in my self pity.

But I feel I need to bathe myself with the pain so I may avoid it in the future. Or at least deal with it better.

 

I've been up all night.

 

I hate sleeping because waking up is crappy.

 

I immediately want to call her.

 

It's been 100 days today.

 

Funny how we remember things.

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You wrote "Let me edit the title of this thread.....Rejection sucks."

 

That's it - rejection is horrible. I'm a woman with lots of self-confidence but this has really shaken me. The pain is bad. I agree - waking up sucks - that's when I feel loneliest. And, add to that the fact that it's Sunday and I'm feeling soooo empty today.

 

Please let the pain end - soon.

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it;'s true, some days really sucks.....those one, when before you would have lovely thing to do with you ex......going out for breakfast, going for a walk, riding in the hills.....and now the house seems like a prison.

 

where does self confidence go.....it cant be lost forever, just hiding, but I say it again, it is going to be up to us the pull it out, dust it off and refit back on.

I'm still wandering around looking for mine at the moment

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I am in the midst of a divorce so I'm no expert in emotional recovery but I do know that drinking halts pain and so it gets stuck like it is in the pit of your stomach. I think you said in one post you were drunk and sappy?

Maybe just let yourself feel the pain so you can move through it instead of getting stuck in it. I think the alcohol, even if its use isn;t constant, prevents that healing. Anyway, just trying to offer any input I can.

 

Good luck and hang in there!

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I cry more when I drink.

I know drinking isn't good for me and I probably drink more than I should sometimes.

I tend to bottle up emotions on a regular day, then the alcohol loosen me up and I usually let it all out.

But hey, I'm not drinking now...

 

I just feel so stupid not being able to move on.

I'm trying that method of setting aside time to think about the ex but I usually end up thinking about her all the time.

Tonight I went to the book store and found several books I wanted to buy for her (i'm an idiot).

I spent about an hour there and saw a really cute girl but I had no nerve to talk. And a little toddler boy started following me around picking out books for me. Funny stuff there.

Then on my way home I'm talking to myself out loud in the car about how I'm stupid for still thinking about the ex. And answering back, out loud.

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