Messed up again.

[lost_status]

So My ex (whom it took me nearly 2 yrs to get over), keeps asking me to spend time with him, he wants me back after more than 1 yr. I miss him alot and want him back. But Im scared the same thing will happen between us. Is it possible to go out with him and just see how things go without putting too much emotion in it? Im so depressed, I wish I knew what to do.

 

We broke up because... I dont even remember, but I do remember after we broke up we saw each other a few times. We would talk for a month or two, then we would see each other, then I wouldnt hear from him, everytime I called him he said he couldnt talk and would call me back but he never did. So I left it, then afew months later the same thing would happen. I never had to heart to say no because I liked him so much.

 

My cousin thinks he is a total looser, so does my sister and all my friends. Its now been three months that we have been talking, he really wants to see me but I dont know if I should.

[mikeca]

I think its very much possible for you to test the waters between you two. Just stay in control, lay down some ground rules about how you wanna proceed and if he cant meet your standards prepare to show him the door.

[anna_k]

I guess I'm in the same situation. The pattern is similar. He acts strangely for someone who wants you back. People have told me that if someone really wanted you, they'll try and be on their best behaviour.

 

It doesn't sound like this guy is.

 

I have a hard time saying no aswell. I can do it but its still painful, especially when you care so much and have to force yourself to do the opposite (Dawn tells me it gets better and I think that's true!)

 

Everyone in my real life and everyone on this forum thinks my guy is an idiot too. I used to be completely and utterly blind.

 

I'm not the best person to say this (because god knows, it's hard enough for me) but I wouldn't see him. You say you don't want to put too much emotion into it but it sounds like you already have a bit there. I thought I could do it too. 'Just to see'. Doesn't really work out unless he's on the same page as you. I don't know...good luck with whatever you decide.

[anna_k]

Oh wow. You just got two different answers! I didn't really consider a meeting to lay ground rules...good idea if you can keep your emotions in check. If you do meet for this reason then I agree with what Mike said.

 

I guess my post above was more about my experiences. Caution caution.

[lady00]

 

My cousin thinks he is a total looser, so does my sister and all my friends.

 

Okay, but what do you think? What helps me is...and this sounds cheesy but it might help you too...write down a list of qualities that you absolutely must have in a partner. Be completely honest with yourself...it can be anything you need such as "he must be attractive to me" (I'd say most people would put this down) and "he must be reliable"...whatever is important to you. Make sure you are being 100% honest with yourself. If your ex is missing any one of these must-have qualities then it's probably not a good idea to go back to him because you will see the same old problems creeping up again that bothered you in the past. I think it requires trying to put him out of your mind while you try to figure out what you really want in a relationship and then comparing him to your wants and needs and then figuring out if you are really compatible with him.

 

I know the list thing sounds overly technical but I think it avoids one of the pitfalls of getting back together which is getting caught up in the excitement of it all or the chemistry you have with the person rather than thinking through whether there is long-term relationship potential based on the excitement, the chemistry and whatever other things are important to you in a relationship. Good luck!