Alcohol abuse and why I'm giving it up

[Cooperstown]

While I I wouldn't say I am an alocoholic by any means I do have a problem with drinking. I had something very good going with someone that I just ruined last night at a party because I was out of control drunk. That's usually how it happens, I start out social and I don't stop until just before I have to throw up usually. At some point the switch flips and I go from social to , I've hurt friends as well as this girl I was seeing very badly last night with my behavior. I don't like who I am when I drink, it's not who I am, I'm angry, possesive, jealous, and probably a list of other less then admirable traits. I'm not the kind of person that can just go socially have one or two usually, I don't drink that often, but when I do it's out of hand. How does one begin to repair lost friendships with people by there actions while intoxicated? Are some things really unforgivable? If that is the case I certainly have it coming. It is truly a shame that I had to do something that bad to realize I needed to stop. I've been kind of realizing that slowly over the last few months that I needed to slow down and I had successfully done that. How do you successfully not drink? I'm 24 and I'm from Wisconsin, seriously that's just what you do in Wisconsin, you drink. How do you get rid of the shame and embrassment after your actions are done? Is time really the only heal to wounds of this sort? I have felt lower in my life, however, I work with these people, the girl I was seeing I work with. She is something else and I may have ruined that. This was a work party there were 15 co workers there, I'm ashamed to the point where I may quit my job? When it came to that point I realized I have a problem, I'm a when I get drunk. I have to see all these people everyday, what will they be thinking when they see me? Is this recoverable? While these questions are retorhical(spl?) I am looking for help, will I ever feel comfortable around these people again? Will she forgive me?

[Echo]

Cooper can you say exactly what it is you did?

One thing you need to do if you want to get sober is to start being honest

with yourself..and how bad it REALLY is.

[Cooperstown]

No one was injuried, no one was hurt physically, I didn't get DWI or anything of that sort. What is came down to is hurting people I care about when I'm drunk. It was a work party about 15 people from work, I've been seeing this girl from work for awhile now and things are going really well. No one there knows about it except the host because it's just a rumor mill. Eventually it was going to come out at some point it just wasn't the right time. We were both there and the host was one of my better friends. As the evening progressed I started getting more aggressive, jealous, and possesive as a whole. She was doing little jesters to let me know she cared and I took them a step further to the point where people from work got the idea of what was going on. This really upset her, however, it was a two way street to some degree, I'll take 75% blame on it. In the middle of a conversation me and the girl I am/was(still in the air on this one) seeing she gets a phone call from her sister who's friend died of a drug overdose that evening. This upset her alot, I tried being there for her, she pushed me away, I responded I'm here for you because I care about you, I don't know what to say because my friends don't OD. Obviously this is a very bad thing to say, drunk it makes sense I guess. Then I had more to drink, and people started leaving and I drank more and more, I'm absolutely wrecked at this poinot and this is where I start blacking out. From what I was told I said to the girl I am/was seeing that people who OD kind of have it coming. I started saying more hurtful things on purpose simply because I couldn't show I cared right then in there because others were around. I drank more, at this point I don't know what I said but everyone is gone except me the host the hosts boyfriend and the girl I am/was seeing. Apparently I said alot of really bad stuff at this point because the host is completely against drunk driving and the girl is as well. Both have had friends die from drunk driving, they gave me my keys and told me to go. I refused to leave, the two girls are up talking and her boyfriend is passed out in there bed. Eventually the girl I am/was seeing goes to bed in there room because she doesn't wanna be near me and I end up talking to the host. She ends up passing out on the toilet and I put her to bed. I wake up today I have a parking ticket, my wallets missing, the girl I am/was seeing did talk to me and I think I can salvage this which is good because I really care about her alot(even though it doesn't seem that way) and the host will not return my calls or texts. As for the girl, we'd been talking about getting more serious and this royally screwed that up. During that conversation she said is this how you are going to act every time you get drunk. That got me to thinking about what I've been like drunk lately and every experience I think of outside of maybe 2 occasions I have done something I majorly regret the next morning. Now I hurt something that truly means a lot to me and it is eye opening. I've known for awhile it was time to slow down and the number of days I drink dropped significantly, however, the amount consumed has not. I hate the person I am when I'm drunk because it's the complete opposite of who I really am as a person. I think this is probably one of the best personal choices I can make for myself right now. Once I made it I talked to one of my best friends I've had ever since we were 12. He said he's glad, he's been worried about me and honestly the reason we never go out together is because of my behavior when I'm drunk. I get out of control and do stupid things, I'm not voilent which is probably the only good thing that I can say about myself drunk. I look at the qualities I have when drinking and not one is positive outside of that, but I'm not a violent person sober so I gain nothing from it. Overall I think I can easily do this, I just need to make some lifestyle changes, so any words of advice will be appreciated.