Iwantittoend Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 I've been doing it for 2 weeks with my ex that broke up with me and I think it might just push her away more. I'm thinking some other guy is helping her out right now when I should be the on there for her. She was going through a tough time and wanted to take a break, but I don't think she wanted me completely out of her life. She even told me to call back but I never did because I was so hurt. I feel like it's too far along to stop now, but I don't think it's working. Link to comment
catren Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 I don't know what to tell you. Calling her may be a good idea at this point but be prepared for feeling worse when you get off the phone. Link to comment
SadOldMan Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 I haven't spoken or had any contact with my ex for for the past 24 (I think) days. I don't see any need. She didn't want me anymore after 12 years. It has really helped me, doing NC. I haven't even began to recover but the rawness of it all has subsided considerably. Link to comment
catren Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 NC has really helped me too. While he wasn't sure what he wanted I stuck around. But I haven't called him since he said that he knew we couldn't be happy together. So, while I still fight the desire to call, I think he closed the door pretty tight on reconciliation - so, what's the point of calling? Link to comment
Psylocke Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 I'm doing NC right now with a friend that I fell in love with a while back ago. We haven't talked in almost 30 days. It wasn't easy at first but if I compare my present emotions to the emotions of past months I can honestly say I feel better in some ways but in others.. well I miss him at times. For me it's very difficult to keep this friendship going because I am getting hurt and it's not worth it. Link to comment
lady00 Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 Well NC doesn't normally bring your ex back. It might make her miss you but if you're expecting a miracle turnaround then you'll probably be disappointed. Most people who get back together use NC to heal and become more comfortable with the idea of not having the ex there and realizing that they can and will live without them. Then contact has to be reestablished and if both people feel the same way about each other and have healed, the relationship can be reestablished. It takes a lot of luck but most of all it takes attraction. NC can allow you not to do things that will repel your ex and NC will probably allow the bad memories to fade for both of you and let you both see if there was good in the relationship worth going back to (or rather, moving forward with) but on its own it probably won't do the #1 thing that needs to be done to get them back which is to attract them. Link to comment
blender Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 "no contact' is for YOU, because you are still emotionally too vulnerable to just be her "buddy" right now, and it's not wise to re-define who you were/ want to be in her life by "pretending to be okay" with being "friends' right now. So just know that she knows how to get a hold of you "if or when" she wants to, you're not "pushing her away" by going "no contact" she wanted a break, and your "no contact" is a way of respecting her choice of "needing a break" and it's also the most self empowering, self respecting, attractive, healing choice for YOU. If the ex is NOT asking you "why" you are not calling, then there is no healthy reason to call them while you are still emotionally too vulnerable... there's no "emergency" if the love is discovered to be "authentic", for right now don't worry about "other guys", there will always be "other guys" in or around her life, no matter if you're together or broken up, so don't give in to those "feelings" of panic in your "thoughts"..try not to "re-act" to your "feelings" by contacting the ex, it's usually not a good idea, and can be a setback for you emotionally because you will have "expectations".. and for right now you need some time to grow past those.. So separate your feelings from the facts, and for now just stick with the FACTS, she wanted a break, you are hurt, if or when she discovers she wants to talk to you, she will, but it's best right now for you to go no contact until you can heal a bit more, and re-gain your sense of self, and feel complete and okay on your own.. the feelings of wanting to "contact" are like waves hitting a shore, some days those waves are more aggressive than others, but just remain calm, have the self respect to know the waves come and go, and with each one you let pass, you will get stronger, and gain some more perspective, and you also allow her the "opportunity" to do the same.... let go with love one day at a time... breathe, cry, write, but feel your feelings, do NOT re-act to them right now.... Link to comment
blender Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 P.S. to answer your questions "does no contact really work?" yes it does, it allows your heart some time to heal, it's self respecting, and it also is respecting and accepting your exes choice to end the relationship, and it allows the ex to experience their live without you in it, and this allows the OPPORTUNITY for authentic love to be discovered... if they discover this they do so when you are no longer in their life...and they then can make a choice to make an intentional effort to try again with you..and they will let you know, and if the ex does not discover this, then okay, you've been in no contact and healing all the while.. it's a win-win no matter the outcome, YOU will rise above and beyond this "speedbump" of heartache on the endless possilbities of the road that is YOUR life. Don't think of "no contact" as having to be "forever" it's just best for you right now, so you can heal.. and she can have the opporutunity to have her "break" and miss you... or not.. for right now, it's best to take care of you.. and you will know when you are emotionally strong enough to decide on contact in a while.. but not for today.. you're still too vulnerable.. Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 "NC" is NOT a method to win back someones love...if love is ever 'won back' it is not real. NC is to heal and move forward with your life...sometimes during that time period an ex lover may or may not have second thoughts about the breakup...it is NOT a way to get someone back! It is usually very painful and hard to get used to. But in time that will lessen.... Read my forum post from 2005: -DG724 Link to comment
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