can i send this text, please help

[kiama]

iv been in no contact with the ex of 2 weeks sort of....

 

hes going away today until tuesday. hes seeing his brother who has my old phone and i need it back. has some numbers saved to the phone that i dont have now...

 

can i send this - bearing in mind that he did all the dumping over text and one msn convo.

 

'please can you remember to get my phone off your brother. i will pick it up from you along with some stuff when you get back. id like to see you and have some sort of chat atleast. enjoy yourself, '

 

is that ok.. i cant bear the thought he just wont ever talk to me. he needs to see me so he knows if hes done the right thing, no.

 

help

[PRSOV]

Sounds fine, why the hesitation?

[kiama]

cos everyone says not to see him or talk to him... but i just think it doesnt make sense. some say if i go and see him it will end up in a fight and make things worse. but i need to chat to him atleast its just so not fair. i wont start any arguments i just want some answers. he seems to have been very nasty on msn conversation, like hes angry. dunno if hes hiding his feelings though. i need to see his behavour to read him....

[willow2900]

'please can you remember to get my phone off your brother. i will pick it up from you along with some stuff when you get back. id like to see you and have some sort of chat atleast. enjoy yourself, '

 

is that ok.. i cant bear the thought he just wont ever talk to me. he needs to see me so he knows if hes done the right thing, no.

 

 

Hi Kiama,

I am sorry that you are going through so much hurt. I understand your need and want to talk with him but I hesitate as to whether that's benificial to you right now. Maybe, maybe not. Did he mention at all that he wanted to try and work at a friendship with you? If not, I would leave out the part about the chat. I am afraid that you are not going to get what you want out of talking with him right now. I know you want to hear his voice and hear what he has to say, but that might not be a lot. Or anything you want to hear.

 

I would send the text just as you state but leave out the "I'd like to see you and have some sort of chat at least."

[kiama]

he said hed like to be friends when were over this. i just truly believe that he is really hiding his feelings. towards the end it was totally love. he never changed his ways of cuddling and he never lost interest in the sex, that got more intense...

 

i just think if he sees me he may think twice.

 

a friend of mine said shed only question herself if she had done the right thing with her man, after she had seen him... thats why im not liking this no contact idea.....

[willow2900]

Why were his reasons for breaking off the relationship? Was it solely his doing?

 

No Contact if for YOU. Purely for YOU to get YOURSELF in a better state of mind and well being. It might not be what you want to do or what you feel in the momment but it is so you can get yourself strong and stable again. That's why it is recommended so frequently here. Not only because of the benefits for you, but because it actually DOES work. Time for yourself is wonders. The key word is TIME. I think you need a little more distance here with him.

[kiama]

his reasons. he said hed been lying to himself, about us. but i know the issues were because of me really. i was clinically depressed for a year and never got help, so i became a monster to live with. and i know that that is the reasons. he got fed up. i dont believe for a second thought that he stopped loving me. it was like if he got rid of me he wouldnt have to deal with any stress regardless of any love.

 

ive got medicine now. i want to talk to him and tell him the efforts im making. show him the PROZAK. so he can see for himself.

 

im lost without him

[DN]

This is the guy that knocked you down and kicked you after you slapped him.

 

I think you two should stay away from each other. You could ask him to get the phone and you will arrange for someone to pick up the rest of your stuff after he returns.

 

But you should not see each other.

[kiama]

its like hes so adament i will not change. and i know i can and will. i said so so many times in the past. but thats all because I didnt get medicine. if i had it would have been different. but ive let him down so many times before. how do i show him i can change if i dont chat to him.....

[Ammy]

I would send the text just as you state but leave out the "I'd like to see you and have some sort of chat at least."

 

 

I agree with this advice!

[Honey Pumpkin]

Are you SURE it's because you want the phone back, or is it (deep down) an excuse to talk to him again? I just know what I'm like - I can sound the most convincing person on the planet when I'm trying to do something I know is not good for me!!

 

But if you really really want the phone back, keep it brief. "Could you get my phone back from your brother, and I will arrange for someone to pick it up. Thanks". I don't think you should see him again, you know.

 

I'm sorry this is so hard for you, it's been a nightmare I know.

[itsallgrand]

I agree with DN.

 

If it is about the phone, have someone else speak with him and arrange to pick it up.

 

But it's not about the phone right. You want to see him and hope to get him back?

 

Please don't. I know you say you have zero intention to start an argument or to push, but he may see your text differently. And if he did agree to see you, it scares me to think what could go down there.

 

This isn't an ordinary boyfriend girlfriend break-up. Maybe what your friends said was indeed good sense for regular break-ups. But this situation has added elements that need to be considered.

 

Like the fact that your safety may be at risk by insisting on a meeting/chat with him.

[silky88]

i think that your first two sentences are fine, but the second two seem to indicate that you are looking for more than just your stuff back. i'd have him put it all in a box and either pick it up quickly with a perfunctory "thanks" or have a **female** friend (to reduce violent aggression) or a relative pick it up for you.

 

trust me on this one -- i once had to gather my kitchen stuff from my former apartment in which an ex was still living, and he made sure to make it HELL for me the whole time, including giving me a typewritten letter accusing me of a dozen things i never even did, which made me cry my eyes out and not speak to him for 3 months (probably for the better).

 

stay calm, stay neutral, and don't let the idea of chatting, visiting, or exchanging emotions even enter your mind. you'll be better off for it.

[kiama]

well this is it.... i did it anyway. i know i shouldnt have and it went like this.

 

i sent my first text that i showed you all... and he said 'will do, are you gonna fetch your stuff over the weekend'

 

to which i replied and youre all gonna kick me for doing it... i said 'i may do, still need to organise a car, is that ok that we talk a bit'

 

he said 'i dont see how it will change anything you know how rubbish i am at talking, what agreement would we come up with, were not married. what the are you on about'

 

IDIOT

 

but i had no tears from this. to be honest, i actually feel a little stronger for some reason. how dare he speak to me, 3 year love of his life like that. im beginning to lose a lot of respect for him. and maybe thats a good thing. a week and a half ago we were so close, and now hes acting like that.........

 

so either he is a dck head full stop, or hes just resentful. whatever, i think hes rude, and i only hope he ends up alone and realises what a wonderful love he threw away.

[kiama]

oh my god...

 

so now i just get this from him.....

 

'Im sorry i want us to be friends i really do, i miss you and its hard. but its the right thing to do. when you get better well see how things are xxx im so sorry, ive cried too....'

 

so i said 'thats what im saying, you need to allow me to show you how the benefits of this medicine. i know we both love eachother'

 

he said 'ok.but i need to be alone. we can see be happly like this. take care ok. talk next week x'

 

urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[Mythical_Suicide]

I think you just need to leave it at that and leave him alone atleast for now.. Neither one of you are in the state of mind to be forming a friendship right away.

[Aleadragonhawk]

Leave him be and concentrate on yourself right now. Starting meds is only the first step. Take this time to really concentrate on recovering from the depression you've been dealing with. If you're having problems because of all the free time that he used to fill, try taking up a new hobby. Is there something that you've always wanted to do - learn a martial art, write a novel, take a dance class? Try doing some of the things that you've been putting off, it's a great way to start healing from a breakup and to feel better about yourself.

[willow2900]

I am sorry. I cannot condone a relationship that when it is tough and hard turns to violence. I understand that you both had violent attitudes towards each other which just shows that you two DO NOT bring out good in each other. And he kicked you. That is severe.

 

Go and do you own thing. Keep busy and forget about him. And give your phone to someone else if you need to for a little while. Stop contacting him. Period.

[carleneandrea]

I have been reading your story for the last couple of days. I really feel for you. You are having a tough time accepting all this. You have to realize it has only been a couple of weeks since the breakup. Not enough time at all. Give yourself more time. You will feel differently eventually. Look you are already losing your respect for him. That shows you are realizing. I want to also point out how he changes from one minute to the next. He was rude to you and then changed. Just like when he kicked you and then wanted you to nurse him. A bit selfish, wouldn't you say.

 

Please give yourself more time. Don't let him keep doing this to you. It is good he won't be around for a couple of days. You should get your things and leave it at that. Try to be strong. You will definitely make us all proud of you!!!