noidea Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 hey guys second post now im still working on my communicating issues although i dont seem to be getting a whole lot better right next little issue, it always seems that im getting a hard time for everything. i recently went away with some friends for couple of days was an awsome road trip and a great weekend, i really wanted my gf to come and asked her many times but she said she didnt feel comfortable around every1 and she didnt want to go out every night drinking. which is fine i dont do it often, but really enjoy it and i havent been out in ages! she also said i dont help, which bugged me a little i always ask her to come to these things and said that it would get easier with time the more time u spend with people the more comfortable you become it wont jus happen over night. but she sees it that on previous occaisions wen she has tried to come out and socialise with my friends i jus leave her to it, seems weird because i dont see it that way at all i genuinley thought that i was making an effort bein with her and tryin to include her. but to be honest im not the "soul of the party" kinda person so i didnt find this particularly easy but i really thought i made an effort, and cant actually remember leavin her unless it was to use the toilet or something. it seems im gettin a hard time over everything, im a car nut its my passion im a total loser wen it comes to cars especially my own car, iv always wanted the particular car iv got since i was a small boy, and now i have it and it needs tons of work i cant really afford it but i love it, if i had my way if completely gut it and start again using any spare minute i had working on it. but i havent, i havent by i long stretch would of been a little unreasonable to do that wouldnt it but even if i want to wash it you can tell she isnt happy. or if i want to see my family i rarely see them as im at uni so wen i do go i want to spend time with them and not leave til i have to its kinda precious to me. but she finds it hard bein there, personality clashes with my family so i spend alot of time making sure shes happy doin things with her more than my family. im sure she doesnt see it that way!! its usually a weekend ill go down so friday night we'll rush down and by sunday she'd want to leave by 6 or so, and even if she hasnt come with me its the same, that i need to spend time with her too so i should come back early. i dont feel as if i do the things i want to do, and im continuously tryin to please her so she doenst get annoyed, i feel as if this is ok because shes under alot of stress and theres alot goin on but is it right, is it right for either of of us i could go on for days with examples but im close to breakin point, i really want to know if i really am bein unreasonable try to accept it and rectify my ways or learn how to cope. man i went on a bit there again, very sorry i hope some1 has the patience to read through it and make some sort of sense to it thank u Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 i think you need a new girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayKay Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Honestly, I think she is being really needy and expecting you to revolve your life around her (which indicates low self esteem, and that she is revolving hers around you). This is not healthy; it is why she gets upset when you don't behave or do as she thinks you should. It sounds to me you are a great guy, balanced and loves his family and his hobbies...and his gf. You try and include her, but she refuses. If she cannot see that, it is not up to you to lose the other things to PROVE it to her. If she continues this way, I guarantee you will grow resentful of her as she becomes more of an "obligation" rather than a fun person to be with... Don't give up your passions, hobbies, friends and family for her...it sounds to me you have a healthy balance, and if you do so it won't end well. Either she needs to accept you as you are, or you need to go your separate ways. You should not be in the 'doghouse' for wanting to see your family, or for going away on a trip she was invited too but refused....sounds to me she feels "love" is something you must prove to her over and over by doing it her way...and THAT my dear is not loving on her part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFoglifter Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 I agree with RayKay, and I've experienced it to some degree. The path you are on leads to a miserable place. If you continue down this path, you will have sacrificed all your hobbies, given up all your free time, lost a lot of time and money, and all you have to show for it is an unhappy gf. I know how you feel -- just one more thing and she'll be happy. We just have to solve this problem and she'll be happy. Trust me -- something ELSE comes along. People like your gf have this grand (and usually unattainable) definition of happiness, and invariably, everything will fall short. If you do something nice for her, is her reaction "thank you so much, this is great" or is it more like "well thank you, but I also wanted to go with it". If the latter, get out because she will NEVER be happy no matter what you do. You will work harder and harder and harder and harder and harder, and have NOTHING but griping and resent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 would you just strip down your car and drive around on the frame? no, cause you'd feel ridiculous. you'd want a new car right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFoglifter Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 so what happened, was any progress made? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iceman26 Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 i think you need a new girl. Agreed. I dated a girl that acted like this and it was one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made in my life. Run away as fast as you can. Seriously. You will never make her happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 i dont feel as if i do the things i want to do, and im continuously tryin to please her so she doenst get annoyed, i feel as if this is ok because shes under alot of stress and theres alot goin on but is it right, is it right for either of of us i could go on for days with examples but im close to breakin point, i really want to know if i really am bein unreasonable try to accept it and rectify my ways or learn how to cope. man i went on a bit there again, very sorry i hope some1 has the patience to read through it and make some sort of sense to it thank u that BOLD part up there says it all. this is not a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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