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Curious: money issues with exes

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My ex, with whom I'm great friends with, owes me like $10k. This was because for a time she didn't have a job, and needed help with paying cell phone bills, insurance, etc, etc. Another time once she graduated from college I lent (and was very explicit about this) $1000 bucks for her to go to London for a week so she could discover herself. Most of those $10k had been "loans".


Then we broke up. She's paying it back in $100 installments a month. It'll be 10 years before she pays it off at that rate. It's not like she can't pay it up faster. She just recently bought her bf a $500 gift and I really don't mind nor do I need the money.


However, she doesn't agree that she should have to pay it back, under the premise that 'any money lent while in a relationship is considered more like a gift'. I say otherwise, especially since at the time I lent her the money I knew that we weren't meant to be together.


Again ,we're still best friends, and out of that new relationship between us, she's complying with paying, but her moral beliefs say she doesn't have to.


Just looking for some perspectives.

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If it was clear at the time that it was a loan - then it is still a loan. Whether there is a relationship or not is irrelevant.


It is always wise when making a loan to ask for an IOU. If you feel uncomfortable because it seems you think the recipient is untrustworthy then say that it is merely a legal protection in the event that the recipient should die and then you have a record to claim against their estate.

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Courts are a waste of your time. You made a mistake and you must learn the hard way as a result. Your ex will win in the courts. All money you "lent" will be ruled as "gifts" in the courts without the proper documentation saying she will pay you back. Females generally use that to their advantage.


So what, you screwed up? No big deal, just learn from it. Time is money my friend, dont waste your time trying to get something you likely will never get back.


You say she is a good friend, yes? Best friend? As a good friend, she would naturally pay you back within a reasonable time frame. That's exactly what a good friend does for a fellow friend.


Most importantly, its only money studbaker. Forget the money, its not life or death. Strive to get over it and you'll be much happier. I know its tough to do, but do your best to move to better, more productive arenas in your life. Dont worry about this crap, no point.

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Do you have any documentation recording each "loan"? Do you have any agreement in writing?


If you have nothing to back it up, courts might be a mistake as she won't pay it back. However, if she's paying you back something right now then that shows that she is taking some responsibility with the money and showing that it was a loan.


Go see a paralegal or consult a lawyer. See what they have to say. If she's unwilling to deal with this one on one then that might be the route you have to take. Hopefully you can get her to pay you back.....


I feel your pain though - I'm $19K in from my ex. I'm getting $30 every two weeks. Hoorah.

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I think it comes down to this...What's more important to you: the money or her friendship?


You say that you don't really need the money. If that's the case, what's the problem with her paying you back in $100 installments? Is it simply that you want her to keep her initial word -- more of a moral lesson than anything? Are you willing to risk your friendship for a chance to get the money back faster? Or would you rather keep her as a friend (although based on how she uses the "gift" argument, she probably won't make a very good friend in the long run) and not get all the money back?


If you think the money is more important, I suggest just being firm with her and laying it all out there. Maybe you'll convince her to be a little more responsible...that's about the only thing you can do, unfortunately, since courts can't do much with no documentation. But by being firm and stating what you want, you run the risk of losing the $100 dollars a month and her friendship on top of it.


So like I said, what's more important -- her or the money?

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