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My father died two weeks ago.. Got a flue, then pneumonia and doctors say that heart couldn't make it through the illness and all those medications.. They say "oh what can you do, he was old"..

We lived together, my mother, father and I, no brothers, sisters..

Here, in my country doctors are monsters.. At first no one from the ambulance wanted to come for a visit.. They said they don't have time, and it is nothing serious.. My father had 82 years, had diabetes, weak heart, and you don't prescribe the same things to boy of 20 years and to man of 82.. I called for a visit doctor from a private hospital, he diagnosed pneumonia ad gave him a prescriptions, some antibiotics, he also said that it is not a serious condition.. There wasn't any improvement and my aunt found one doctor in state hospital.. He supposed to intervene that my father even come to hospital, usually they say to older patients that there is no bed available.. I gave money to doctor so he will treat my dad good, brought presents to nurses so they will keep him clean and take care of him.. There is allowed just one visit during the day, it lasts one hour so I couldn't be around.. Eventually even those visits were canceled because of flue epidemics.. I tried to enter to hospital and saw my dad that evening, he was like sleeping, couldn't wake him up, didn't try very much, thought that maybe he was tired, found doctor and she said that it is normal condition, he is resting and so on..

In the morning after 4 days in hospital doctor called me and said that my dad passed away and that she is sorry..

I'm so angry, and sad.. I can't help thinking that my father could be alive if I was smarther, found another doctor, found another hospital.. I'm sure that he died because of our terrible medical care, they could save him.. What if his heart was weak, some people was born with weak heart and they live their whole life in such condition.. They could've reanimate him, they could've said that his condition is bad and I would sell everything I have to find that heart for him.. I would give my lungs to kep him breathe..

I could burn that hospital, I wish that those doctors live for 100 years, but that all of their familly members die, so they would live for those 100 years all alone, wondering what they did to deserve it..

I'm full of hate for people who are supposed to heal others, and although they have salaries they take money from patients so they would do their job.. I'm so full of sadness thinking how I could save my father and failed, that he was all alone in hospital, alone and scared.. I was supposed to take care of my parents, to protect them.. They take care of me all the time, during the war, they would gave their life for me.. Now when time came to keep them safe I failed.. It is like you let your child die..

I worked a lot, staying late in office, had a longterm relationship breakup this summer.. I was so nervous all the time and I was preocupied with my own problems didn't pay attention to only two people in this world that love me and care about me..

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Your feelings of hatred and sadness are understandable. Nothing I can say will make things better right now. However, let me relate an incident to you that has forever changed my life:


I was 12 years old when I witnessed my father die in front of my very own eyes due to a heart attack. No doctors came, or came late and couldn't do anything. My whole world collapsed. For a long long time I blamed myself for not being able to save my father's life and I lived in absolute hatred for doctors and fear of hospitals...


...since then, I've failed a number of times but also succeeded tremendously, I've fallen too often yet, I believe it is my father's spirit always looking out for me that helping me stand up and walk again.


...this is the circle of life.


I am sure your father's spirit will always be there to guide and watch over you. I learned through years that living in hate is like living in a bottomless dark pit. The more I hated, the deeper and darker it became.


Love yourself and love the people around you who are close to you. Cherish the memories you have and grow stronger.

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I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Please do not blame yourself. It sounds like you were a wonderful son or daughter to your father and did everything that YOU possibly could. I'm sure your father knows how much you love him.


You will probably never know if it was truly his time to go or if it was the hospital's negligance. However, I will tell you that even here in the U.S. it is not uncommon for the elderly to die of pneumonia, even when all possible measures are taken to save the patients. Sometimes, it's just too much for them to fight off. I know that does not make your loss any easier, but I want you to realize that you did all you could do. So do not hold yourself accountable. I'm sure your father would not want you to feel that way because he loves you so much. He does not want you to suffer with a heavy heart.


Stay close to your family during this difficult time. I'm sure your mother will need you more than ever. You will have to go through a grieving process, and it will take some time before you feel better again, but just know that this is not your fault. Keep the good memories of your father close to your heart,



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Thank you guys for reading my post and for answering me..

People are telling me that he was old, exhousted after all those years but that just means nothing to me..

Since this summer I was in such bad mood, thinking that my world broke down after that breakup.. Ex cheated on me and I was so disappointed in people and in life, crying every day..

My parents tried to help me, cheer me up, always full of understanding saying that it will go away eventualy..

I worked so hard trying to earn enough money to provide them some things they never had a chance to have, to pay bills ( they were retired, they both got just 400 EUR per month).. My dad did everything he could to find the best doctors, and to give me hope that everything will be ok when I had health problems..

Now when it was my turn to fight for him I let those monsters to kill him..

I wanted to prosecute the hospital but lawyer told me that there is nothing that can be done..

Still, sometimes I think that he is away on some journey, that he will be at home when I arrive..

Somehow, it is even worse for my mom, they've spent 30 years together and now she is all alone al day long until I come from work..

I don't want to sound ungrateful, I know that lots of people loose their parents very young and that since war all of those years are gift.. But I can't stand thought that he had disease that can be cured and that doctors play God deciding that people over 80 years should be left to die..

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There's no reason for you to blame yourself or any doctor for that matter of fact, you see it wouldn't have mattered to which hospital you would have gone within the region,because its the impoverished state that your entire country is in that has led to the overal neglect, hence first i was surprised that you gave money to the nurses, because that's a very uncommon thing in rich countries that have their institutions more properly arranged. Its not your fault or the doctors that your country has been struck by war, and that the medical facilities have suffered in terms of quality as a result of that your father received a treatment that was absolutely below any standards,so this because if a regime changes after the war, it will take long time before the most essensial and basic needs are restored. For a country that's just been made poor,the especially expensive medical facilities are very prone to economic difficulties and suffer severly as a result.


So your dad knows that you only wanted the best for him, and that is enough for any loving parent, you worked hard, so its important to understand that from 'your side' you did all you humanly possibly could have done. What you need to do is to forgive the part that you can't control. You tried your best, you cared and showed true love towards your father. Any dad would want and would be satisfied with you as their child in that perspective.


But the problem is bitterness. You shouldn't allow to let other people/things/events mold you in something you do not want to be. Which is definitly easier said then done, and as your lawyer said there is nothing that you can do, i would invest the angry energy and convert it to something usefull, namely the care of your mother. My grandma goes to this club for older people so that they aren't always alone all the time, right now your mom needs your support more then ever, so why waste your energy on sueing the health care industry knowing that something like that's probably going to take another 30 years before its fully restored from the impact of the war?


My advice is this, when you or your mom get sick if possible goto a much better foreign hospital, even were i am its becoming more of a trend to take the plane, and get medicare in another country. Although the plane is a hassle its better then dying unneccesarly in your own country due to local poorly arranged health care.

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Im sorry too. Feeling angry is normal, its part of the grieving process. You will experience a whole mix of different emotions. Its good that you are feeling something and not bottling it all up. Take comfort that your father passed peacefully, it sounds like he went in his sleep. Im sure the doctors did their best for him. He was elderly and you are lucky that you were so close and he was there for you while growing up.


Take comfort that his suffering is now over and he is at peace.


I lost my father very young, he was only 44 and me and my brother were just kids. I too blamed the hospital but now im older im sure that they did all they could for him.


My thoughts are with you and your mother at this sad time xx

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Thank you guys a lot for your threads.. I would probabily said the same thing to someone else, but it is so hard to act and think reasonably.. I'm all messed up, want to do something but nothing that I can do can change a thing.. That hurts the most..

At least it helps writing my thoughts down, they are all confused and probabily hard to follow but like I said before I just had to say it to someone..

Thanks for having time and patience to read it..

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You know, before all this, I was religious, not in a standard way like going to church every Sunday and reading a Bible.. But I prayed to God every night to keep my parents safe and healthy and to give me strenght and common sense to walk through another day.. I tried to be a good person, to understand and to respect every man or other living creature.. In my heart I hope that God sees that and it is more important to him then going to church every day and then breaking each of his 10 commands.. Now in society I see that people insist on what is outside, like if you talk about religion, if you go to church- posibly the one where everyone can see you.. For me the thing that is important is state of your soul and your personal relation to what you bealive in.. And I bealived that heaven exist..

Now when my father died I'm not sure anymore.. The way he lived his life he deserved to be in heaven, and I want to bealive that he is up there watching at me, but I'm so scared, what if death is really just an end of our existence..

And that hurts even more then death itself.. I used to bealive and now when I need faith the most I've started having doubts..

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You have nothing to worry about , I've seen it with my own eyes that there is more, and if your in a faith crises, reading the stories on link removed and link removed iands org, can recandle your faith in God and the strenght to keep on walking like you have done in your life. But what you need to do is to give yourself 'time' to heal, you know the emotional impact is very large, and because of it its important to glue the pieces of your broken heart together and eventually move on with your life again. I always say to people 'imagine that you would have died instead of your loved one' would you love to see your family cry and be in dispair and miserable for many many years to come? Of course not, you want them to be happy and make the best of their lives. So instead of dying for your loved ones, start living for them!


So basically your father died indirectly as the result of the war because of the poor health care that it induced, its important to understand that people create wars amongst themselves because of people hating and fearing eachother, God never wanted war ,church is just a method of spreading the word, if you know the word then you understand that a connection with God is that from the heart. The meaning of life is to love and to help other people, but we need to understand that there are some things in life that we can control, and that we shouldn't worry about the things that we cannot control. So maby you can fight for better sanitary and hygienic circumstances around and in hospitals, i don't know if thats too much to ask however because living in a country that is beridden by war seems like a dounting task already in itself.Anyway keep venting your emotions in order to process the feelings of your grief.

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