I need help everyone! Please give advice

[jman41224]

I have never been in a relationship before and i met the girl of my dreams when i was 21... I am now 23 and she is 19 we have been together for around 16 months, and i honestly believe she is my soulmate, and she believes i am too... shes the best friend i have ever had.

 

early on in the relationship she let me know of her past, she is a virgin as well as I, but in an earlier relationship she let me know that she gave her boyfriend oral sex on a few occasions.. at that time i was just amazed she was a virgin i didnt think much about it, but as time went by I loved and cared for this girl like no other.

she later told me that there was yet another experience with an earlier boyfriend when she gave him oral sex in his car..... she promises that i know everything now...........

 

Before her I had never had a sexual encounter..... but keep this in mind, she told me all the graphic details of her encounters, i know where she did this, around her home..... so everytime i see the area it reminds me of the event...

I never knew that I would be this way, It hurts me so bad the images in my head of the girl i love, it feels like a poison in my brain slowly rotting away....

We have been together this long and we still havent made love because she is too "paranoid" of her parents and other things, when we are able... its such a hassle for her to do anything for me intimately. I will never pressure her to do anything, and i think i have been patient with her.... its so frustrating, having so many conflicting thoughts, and hurtful mental images in me....

She tells me she regrets it, and i do believe her.....

Dont get me wrong we have a great relationship and we are closer than anyone ever could.... But i am so jealous, I know im wrong on this and should just let it go, believe me i want to.... but its so painful it wont leave me

 

I know i can never be with anyone else.... before everyone tells me, yes i know im overreacting and wrong, and before i was in love i wouldnt care if she had been with 20 guys... but the love i have for her makes every little thing so hard.

 

Please if anyone has any advice please tell me ...... dont be too hard on me, I know this whole thing sounds silly.

 

Thank you

Sincerly,

Josh

[hopelesslyyours]

Aww, you're too cute. I wish more guys were like you. As for the jealousy part, it's perfectly normal when you really love somebody but you need to learn to deal with it. If it was the other way around, wouldn't you want her to still love you even if you've been with a bajillion girls? The way I see it is that every time you start a new relationship with someone new, it's like starting over again. You still get those initial butterflies in your stomach, you feel like you're in love all over again. When she kisses you, she doesn't think of those other guys she's been with, it's like a new experience again. Don't think of her like she's used merchandise. She's not used, she's experienced. And experiencing different forms of the same thing makes you cherish the best form the most, which in this case, is you. I personally think that you guys have a great relationship because you are open to each other and she told you about her past. I hope this helps.

[jman41224]

Thank you so much...

 

That was very kind of you..... and it is very good advice.

 

Thank you!

Josh

[Devchonka]

I was a virgin with my sweetness, and he was not by far. I know what you mean by your jealousy. We have an incredible relationship, he's my life, but we do talk about everything so obviously my little hook ups and head games i played we talked about, and he talked about his girls he has been with...not real details on his side, he mainly just told me: because of the fact that he is completely in love with me he felt like he now knows what making love is and that just being with girls to satisfy your need is nothing compared to what is between us (I think this is what you should remember...when there's love involved...it's so much different than just messing around with someone...once you guys do get to MAKE love...it'll be the most incredible night, and everything on from that night will only be better ).

 

What got to me is when he talked to me about the girl he's been with in Germany while he was active duty in army. A red light district girl but the supermodel type deal...i've gotten to see pictures of the type, and a description...haha thinking about it even now makes me jealous. I guess he told me about a little too many details. Jealousy.

 

It goes away with time. It might be that it won't until you guys finally make love, but it'll go away. Just remember what you guys have is something on a completely different level than anything she experienced and you experienced before.

 

Frankly, I have to give you applause for hanging in there for 16 months with virginity intact... when we got together, i actually had to set a three month rule for us because we just couldn't keep our hands off each other...he's the one that got me to keep that three month rule...i was all about breaking it. Sweet sweet chemistry .

[Suesser Tod]

Two things:

 

a) Back then she wasn't with you, and probably didn't even knew about you.

 

b) Everything she did before, turned her into the person you love.

 

I know this will be rude, but don't get her into a guiltrip about what she did before, as I'm quite sure that back then, it was a reasonable, maybe good, option to her.

 

Getting her to regret what she did before is asking her to regret who she is today.

 

 

Now understand this, as it is quite simple. Jealousy is nothing more than fear, fear of losing her, fear of being abandoned. There is only one thing I can tell you for sure, other than the fact that you'll eventually die, she is not with them anymore, she is with YOU.

 

So, tell those ghosts inside your head that she is with you now, that she chose to be with you and not with them, and repeat them that until they finally shut up.

 

What are you afraid now that she chose to be with you?

 

 

And thank those guys because, they helped her to turn into the person you love.