I need help everyone!

[jman41224]

I have never been in a relationship before and i met the girl of my dreams when i was 21... I am now 23 and she is 19 we have been together for around 16 months, and i honestly believe she is my soulmate, and she believes i am too... shes the best friend i have ever had.

 

early on in the relationship she let me know of her past, she is a virgin as well as I, but in an earlier relationship she let me know that she gave her boyfriend oral sex on a few occasions.. at that time i was just amazed she was a virgin i didnt think much about it, but as time went by I loved and cared for this girl like no other.

she later told me that there was yet another experience with an earlier boyfriend when she gave him oral sex in his car..... she promises that i know everything now...........

 

Before her I had never had a sexual encounter..... but keep this in mind, she told me all the graphic details of her encounters, i know where she did this, around her home..... so everytime i see the area it reminds me of the event...

I never knew that I would be this way, It hurts me so bad the images in my head of the girl i love, it feels like a poison in my brain slowly rotting away....

We have been together this long and we still havent made love because she is too "paranoid" of her parents and other things, when we are able... its such a hassle for her to do anything for me intimately. I will never pressure her to do anything, and i think i have been patient with her.... its so frustrating, having so many conflicting thoughts, and hurtful mental images in me....

She tells me she regrets it, and i do believe her.....

Dont get me wrong we have a great relationship and we are closer than anyone ever could.... But i am so jealous, I know im wrong on this and should just let it go, believe me i want to.... but its so painful it wont leave me

 

I know i can never be with anyone else.... before everyone tells me, yes i know im overreacting and wrong, and before i was in love i wouldnt care if she had been with 20 guys... but the love i have for her makes every little thing so hard.

 

Please if anyone has any advice please tell me ...... dont be too hard on me, I know this whole thing sounds silly.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey Josh!

 

I think I get what you're saying and I can totally relate. I think its completely normal when someone feels as you do to be upset by thoughts of their lover with someone else.

 

BUT - it is my opinion that there are different types of love.

 

Love

Infatuation and

Obsession

 

All of which we respond to differently.

 

I think the infatuation is the stage from which the "LOVE IS BLIND" statement comes from because we're so infatuated we don't really see or care to see flaws or dis-similarities.

 

When we get obseessed with someone, the thought of them leaving us mortifies us. Pictures of them with someone else play and re-play in our heads. Thoughts of them sharing feelings with others that they've shared with us makes us sick.

 

Love - (in my humble opinion) is more of an altruistic thing. We think of the feelings of the OTHER person, not us. We sacrifice how we feel often for their comfort. We feel joy and elation at the thought of their happiness or of images of them feeling good and being happy.

 

Where do you fit?

 

All of these stages are normal and healthy - in moderation and when kept in check. I personally think you're currently in the obsession phase - and that's OK - but be careful that you don't get stuck there.