Dating Rules Help

[willow2900]

Ok, so it's been a while since I've been on the dating circuit. What are some of your rules (girls and guys) or advice that you live by?

[hosswhispra]

Get John Gray's book: Mars and Venus on a Date. It's a good read!

 

also check out the message boards on link removed

[willow2900]

I will - thanks! I just feel a little lost and don't want to mess up anything with the guy I am starting to date.....don't want to jump in too quick or head first...just trying to figure out the whole dating-world-thing again...

[hosswhispra]

You're welcome.

 

The book is a pretty good 'study guide'.

[Beec]

No telling people about how you feel, early on. If you are head over heels for the guy, then you keep a lid on how you feel, as much as you can, until you can see from what he does that he has some real feelings toward you. In the interim, you tell him you are interested, do not want to rush things, will see how things go, and would like to see him again, more, and that time will tell. Vague answers are good.

 

Mixed signals are good.

 

Pay attention to body language.

 

No sex ever before the end of a third date, and that is early. But it is the earliest time anyone should consider. Sex before the couple has invested in the relationship leads to it burning out.

 

If you need sex, find an FBF situation, but that's got its own rules.

 

You can let him plan a couple dates, but by the fourth date, take some initiative, plan and finance the date, and if you are broke and need ideas, ask.

 

Listen, more than anything else, you listening is attractive. Make eye contact while listening. Do not interrupt, let them finish talking.

 

Try to let them talk, try not to talk more han half of the time, try not to about yourself too much.

[quietgrl]

1. I would be yourself while dating so the right men can come into your life.

2. Are you a woman who wants a man to do all of the chasing while dating then you need too find men who doesn't want a woman to chase him(rules man) or are you a woman who's not afriad too chase a man while dating then find men who don't care if a woman chase him(real rules man)

3. don't play dating games

4. cuss,fuss, and move on when a man not interested in dating you.

5. LISTEN,LISTEN ,LISTEN when a man talks about women,sex and relationship.A women needs to invest in verbal intimacy before sexual intimacy.

[willow2900]

Thanks for posting that! I am not head-over-heels for this guy, I am really liking where it's going, how we talk well together etc. It's actually been about 3 dates and no kiss! Very slow...but that's actually what I need right now. We have great conversations and talk occsionally online, but it's always awkward and I would much rather talk in person. I can see that he's interested in me and I am trying to keep myself in check!

[Batya33]

In the beginning before you initiate a call to him or ask him out for a date or ask him how he feels about you ask yourself "am I feeling secure and in my right mind or am I over the moon about this guy?" If the latter, don't make the call, ask him out, etc - you're probably motivated by smittendom instead of common sense. The two rarely go together.

[quietgrl]

Thanks for posting that! I am not head-over-heels for this guy, I am really liking where it's going, how we talk well together etc. It's actually been about 3 dates and no kiss! Very slow...but that's actually what I need right now. We have great conversations and talk occsionally online, but it's always awkward and I would much rather talk in person. I can see that he's interested in me and I am trying to keep myself in check!

 

 

Willow,

 

Why are you censoring yourself from a man?Let this guy know you want to talk to him in person instead of online. Another thing, if you want to kiss the man then tell him you want to kiss him.You need to be yourself and stop worrying if you do something first, this man going to run off.What happens while you're waiting for him to kiss you and talk to him face to face first,another woman goes ahead and does it for you. Be yourself and if a man doesn't like it move on

[Batya33]

Be yourself - but not if you cannot be yourself because you are insecure or smitten or really really want him to like you. With few exceptions it is better to let the man make the first move but of course, be approachable with your body language, flirty, etc.

 

Tell him how you feel when you are comfortable to do so (which for me is once we are dating regularly - not after only three dates!) - absolutely thank him for the dates, show that you enjoy his company, return his calls promptly, be a good listener, a good friend, a fun person, but save the "I'm really starting to like you/fall for you" later on or perhaps if he expresses that to you you can respond with some of what you are feeling.

 

Being honest is not the same as being open/spilling your guts (I think you know that but I saw some advice that suggested the contrary). That can be unfair to the man and overwhelm him when he is just starting to get to know you. Being honest means if he asks you how you feel, you can tell him as much as you feel comfortable telling a new man. Give him the space to feel comfortable with you and get closer to you - it's easy to smother a man with attention in the beginning - but in general, the men I've dated prefer a woman who leaves a bit to the imagination, is intriguing rather than laying all her cards, and her exes cards, and her family's dysfunctional cards, out on the table, is on the lighthearted side especially at first. An evening spent laughing can be far more bonding than an evening that is an extended therapy session.

 

If another woman he is dating is more physically aggressive that does not mean he will be more into her -indeed, that might turn him off. (again just responding to the advice to kiss him so that some other woman doesn't get there first) You have to proceed at a pace that feels comfortable, recognizing that if you do feel sparks flying it is hard to think clearly which is why keeping certain boundaries in mind in your head (which is not as connected to your cloud nine heart) isn't such a bad thing.

 

Just as some background, I've dated over 100 men and had several serious relationships. In each one, I let the man set the pace in the beginning. In each one, he did most of the asking, planning and initiating in the beginning and all except one (and that was 17 years ago) wanted me to be his girlfriend within about two months of dating. I typically waited several months to have sex and with one man, who proposed, he was willing to wait until marriage.

[willow2900]

Willow,

 

Why are you censoring yourself from a man?Let this guy know you want to talk to him in person instead of online. Another thing, if you want to kiss the man then tell him you want to kiss him.You need to be yourself and stop worrying if you do something first, this man going to run off.What happens while you're waiting for him to kiss you and talk to him face to face first,another woman goes ahead and does it for you. Be yourself and if a man doesn't like it move on

 

I have realized that in the past I fall hard and quick. And when I make a commitment to someone or something, I follow through till the end. It's one of the hardest things when a relationship fails with me because I am an all or nothing girl. My censoring is my way of trying to learn from my mistakes in the past of not jumping in too quickly. I am trying a different approach with dating this guy as opposed to my last two relationships which were damaging disasters for me.

But I am one step up already - this guy isn't in the middle of a divorce like the last two....one destructive pattern broken already!

[Batya33]

Good for you!! By the way - he sounds like a very sweet guy!

[willow2900]

Thanks! You know, he really is sweet and nice. It's very refreshing. I went through a period there where I didn't think ANYTHING good was going to happen in 2007!

[ghost69]

rules? i didn't know there were rules. i just be me. usually works. i don't seem too eager though.