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How to not look weak/needy? (broken up but still living together)


BarCap
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My g/f and I have been broken-up for about 2 weeks, but still living together as I'm in the process of trying to find a place.

 

I want to start the NC thing, but obviously that's impossible while I'm still living with her.

 

I'm trying to find a place as fast as I can, but it's taking some time, could be days, or couple of more weeks... I dunno....

 

What is the best way to mimic NC while I'm still living there?? Problem is, I pretty much have no friends/family in London, so at the moment she is constantly going out, seeing friends and family, coming home late... And I appear weak and desparate cause i'm constantly on the laptop trying to find a place, with my bags packed by the door....

 

What can I do to no look weak/needy in this situation???

 

To top it all off, I'm on a temporary all fruit diet (for unrelated health reasons) which lasts for another 2.5 weeks... So basically even if I wanted to go out and meet some people I can't have normal food, or drinks or anything like that.........

 

So far I've been going to the gym every night and looking for a place...

 

I feel like that's about as much of a "front" as I can put up given the circumstances. When she is in that flat, we chat and try to act like friends, making jokes with each other, laughing etc...

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Dude, that has to be tough. I don't there is an easy answer. You just have to dig deep, and pull yourself through. Just do whatever you have to, to make yourself better. If that means not saying a word to her, don't. If it means keeping small talk, do that. Make this about you, not her. Try not to focus on how you are coming off to her. If you come off needy, so what! At this point its not going to make a difference. Instead of saying "What if", say "So what". I know she is probably on your mind 24/7, but you have to make this about you. Its tough, and I feel for you. I see my ex in church for 5 miins and its torture. I can't imagine how it would be still living with person.

 

I would spend all my energy on getting an appartment, because you have to get out of there ASAP.

 

Best of luck, mate.

 

I am pulling for you.

 

Drum

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I'm sure the diet is affecting your attitude and mood somewhat. Since it's medically necessary you can't quit that. You can drink juice at the bar or water. They have juice to mix in the drinks so just ask for juice, but getting out is really important. Staying at home waiting around for her is making you look needy. She does see that you're getting a place soon. I don't think you look weak at all, probably just needy because you need social interaction. So get out there and meet people. Are you going to relocate to an area where you already know some people or do you plan to stay there? It might be easier if you move back to where you have connections.

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Its unfortunate you didnt mention the reasons 4 your breakup so we are beta informed to help you make your decisions. Its hard enough breaking up with someone and worse off if you still have 2 see that person more often than you'd like. The truth is, you have no one else in town to turn to so i guess you're from a diff town/country? Making matters for you b/c you feel SO alone and i actualy think that she's being a bit selfish by leaving alone knowing very well that you've no one else. yes i understand that u've broken up but then again i think that at some point you did share something special. Dont "try" to be out her way or "act" a certain way just so that you convey a certain message to her, just be. look for your new place, chat to eachother and get along when in company. Then when you move out things will be okay enough to know that you are moving on with no tension, hatred, regreted words etc.

Just be and feel whatever way you feel, its okay.

all the best....

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Hey bro,

 

Nasty situation you're in and I can relate in a sense that I work with my ex so we constantly bump into eachother. You can mentally prepare yourself for an encounter, work out exactly what you will say and how you will say it but it's difficult to control your body language and tone, especially in a high-stress situation. It's a given that women are better at reading body language than men so you will almost inevitably betray yourself when you try to stop yourself from showing how you're feeling.

 

If you're sure that this relationship is over, then there is no point going over old ground. Make a promise to yourself to not discuss the past with her, and try to limit contact with her as much as possible.

 

Other than that, there's not much else you can do. Distraction is key here.

 

Try to get out as much as possible - maybe work colleagues you can do something with? Bowling, a sport of some description. IS there any interest you'd like to pursue that you've never got round to? If so, are there classes you can take?

 

For example, I started doing a martial art called Krav Maga and I really enjoy it... Actually, why not join me! It's on Regent Street, Monday nights. You can take your frustration out on us! Plus there's a smothee joint just round the corner.

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My wife asked for a divorce a year ago. She flip-flopped from Feb '06 to Oct '06. We were in separate rooms as of July. She finally made up her mind in October, and she is FINALLY moving out at the e/o the month. Talk about difficult! And we have a 3 year old...

 

What did I do? I stopped talking about the relationship, supported her with the divorce, remained pleasant, tried to get on with my own things. It isn't easy, in fact it's the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. At times (especially lately) the tension is so high, it can make you physically ill.

 

The key thing to do is remain upbeat (even though you may be dying inside), don't argue, just agree and walk away, DON'T try to discuss the relationship, and give each other space. You can do it, hang in there!

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My g/f and I have been broken-up for about 2 weeks, but still living together as I'm in the process of trying to find a place.

 

I watched "The Break Up" last night with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn in it last night. I did not realize that living with your ex after a break up happened so much--but it does because most people in relationships live together and if the relationship ends the dilemma of where to live occurs.

 

In the move, Brooke (Aniston) and Gary (Vaughn) tried to make each other jealous (going on dates etc.) and annoying each other (playing loud music, inviting singers over) during the weeks they lived together post-break up. They really wanted to be together but then when Gary tried to get Brooke back she told him that she had given all of herself to him and that she did not have anything else left to give. So the condo was sold and they went their separate ways and bumped into each other on the street months later. They exchanged some small talk and went their separate ways after (kind of an indeterminate ending). But they both looked as though they resolved whatever bad feelings they had about the relationship/break-up and move on.

 

So the point is that even though this is a tough time in your life you will move on and grow from this.

 

Hang in there.

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