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oh my what should I do

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Sorry for venting this late in the night, but I am seeking some advise and maybe some enlightment. I just received a call from my ex-ex from Italy, what timing, he seems to oddly call any time something major happens in my life, he was the one that protected me through thick and thin, a true, as he used to call himself, father figure, the person I could lean on and have by me no matter how horribly I could have messed up at the time. He really loved me, I was just too young to understand then. Well as always he could read me like a book, so he sayd that he had googled my name and found all my footsteps, through time....he was very proud and inpressed of me. Funny the one step he didn't find was my most recent tragedy, that involved the theft of my money from my recent ex, (who he had met, before being transferred back to Italy) well he was extremely sorry for what I was going through and as always gave me very sound advice, he immediatelly sensed my sorrow, so he asked me what was really going on with me, and I broke down, I hadn't cryed like this over a long, long time. well suddenly I missed that sense of connection that we used to have, so he conforted me from such a distance, and for the very 1st time in God only knows how long, I actually wished he was here, to hug and hold each other. He asked me to go and visit him, that he would pay for my ticket if I could take some time off, and somewhere in my heart even if I know that nothing would happen, I actually felt like he was the only one who really truly loved me and now I am extremely sad, that I was so naive and selfish to let go of something so special because of boredom, and replaced it, yes with excitement, but with ultimate theft

I guess now in my life I wouldn't make the same mistake, but I wonder should I go to Italy apologize face to face for having been such a child back in the day? we are talking more then 10 years ago.

Oh did I mentioned, he was the most stable man I ever been with, the most brilliant mind, with 2 master degrees from the university of Bologna and never cheated and respected me like no one ever did. Was I a fool or what????

help what should I do, I almost feel like I should be packing my bags.

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I think you should go packing your bags, like... now!?


Can't tell what will happen, no body knows. What I can tell is that, well, even if you dumped him 10 years ago, you can regret, and remember that everybody makes mistakes, but it takes a wise man (woman in this case) to recognize them.


Go there, get some time off all currently sorrounds you. What will happen with him, time will tell. Maybe you are now in a good position for a relationship, maybe he is not, don't know.

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Thank you Suesser tod, I'm so afraid though that all the baggage from this last devastation is still so freshly inside me and wounds are still hurting so much, they infact are very much bleeding. He left little of me with me, you have no idea..... thus, I wouldn't want (because I respect him more than anyone...he has definitely earned it) to mess anything up between us. It is a kind of treasured relationship that I only realized now, and because of how special it is I wouldn't want to make the mistake. I know my therapist would probably suggest to take it extremely slow even if inside me I just want to run to his salvation (greatest temptation) I am afraid that by doing so I'm being a child again, and running from this current trauma, thereforeeee avoiding the possibility of real growth????

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Hello Shiva,


I agree with Suesser Tod. It sounds like you really lost something there and would not really be happy if you don't at least resolve this.


Maybe you'll get back together maybe not, but you will have strengthened your friendship and might feel better.


Now... devil's advocate here... What if you go there and he does not want to get back together?


Maybe... a little more phone calling, a little more communication, (like you have done here) would be a good idea first.


Good luck and best wishes.



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Thank you Jeff, I agree more phone calling and more communication 1st is in order.

I know I really lost something extremely unique, and I was very naive, and coming from a dysfunctional family and being a survivor of childhood trauma - I ruined something extremely special.

But I should also clarify that he is the type of man that was/is extremely respectful and always truly cared about me not getting hurt by anyone, especially because he knew about my past and was very patient and caucious with me, a true dear, so I don't want him to still assume the role of the father figure once again and come to my rescue, 10 years ago I was 29 and him 35 now I am a double survivor, and a grown woman, more then he knew back then, and now he is a Senior Vice President and General Manager of SEC, probably a fearly new promotion, so I wouldn't want to get in the way of his career growth.

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Well, I try to look at opportunities sometimes. Maybe you will be good for each other, career-wise also.


Ten years is a long time, but it sounds as though you have preserved in your mind the things that really matter about a person, so... I'd follow my heart.


You probably know him well enough where you can read the "vibes" so to speak for the prospect of a romance...


Good luck and best wishes again.




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Thanks Jeff, that really helps, I have some thinking to do, and maybe a lot of journal writing. I do miss his unapologetic integrity and honesty very much like a Howard Roark from the Fountainhead or Hank Reardon from Atlas Shrugged, I was just unable to see it back then. We were not big in the sexual sector, but as mentioned I was dealing with a lot of personal recovery issues back then, and I have grown a lot since. This could actually re-flourish with time into something...who knows.

Thanks again, I think I'll sleep on it, for what's left of the night or morning I should say before I have to go teach today from 4:00pm-9:00 long day ahead of may.




As a day well spent brings blessed sleep,

so a life well lived brings a blessed death.

by Leonardo da Vinci

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