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need help healing...

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So this will be a long one, but PLEASE bare with me. I feel like I need professional help but I used to post on here when I had problems, it seemed to help.

Well, in December, I was drinking and did an anti depressent drug (I didn't really want to). To make the story short, my best friend that I have known for 7 years, her family was my family, mine was hers. Well, we were all at her house and she fell asleep and basically her brother date raped me and my friend while we were passed out. Apparently xanax and drinking is like a roofie.

So after that and telling my best friend what happened, she didn't believe me- she called me a * * * *, even though I've only had sex with one person since she had known me (that she knew of at least). So, I'm no longer friends with her and that's what the main thing this situation affected... I thought "oh, I'm able to be more empathetic toward rape victims now" things like that. Now I'm sort of involved with someone and feelings were there and it was good then we had sex and I felt disgusting afterward and don't have feelings for him. I thought that maybe I just wasn't a promiscuous person, but I have had sex with a guy I barely knew before and felt fine.

I realized that this rape incident really has affected me. I don't know what to do...I can no longer enjoy sex, seriously.

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I had a similar experience in which I lost my best friend over the same conflict. When I needed her most she decided to go on the side of the rapist.


How long ago did this happen to you? I am wondering because time is an amazing healer given the right circumstances. If this was relatively recent its reasonable to think that you should stay out of sexual relationships until your ready. You will just have to tell this person that you are going through some really personal things and aren't ready for a physical relationship right now, so maybe you should stop seeing eachother.


Other question: Have you been tested for STI's and do you have any access to personal counselling?

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this was December 2006. So about 3 months ago?

My school has counseloring, I've been meaning to go. And I was tested and am fine. So I should leave this guy? I don't know how... =/ but I do want to. He's just TOO nice and it's annoying but I'll feel bad too.

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first of all I'm really sorry for what happened, I'm not a therapist, so I can't really give you an educated advise, if it was me though, I would seek professional help, I imagine you have a lot of feelings that need to be addressed, shame, confusion, distrust, hurt, and most of all grieving the loss of your best friend. That's a whole lot to deal with, hang in there and big hug. I hope you know of a good therapist you can go to, you may want to try talking to your primary care physician for a referrel.

I wish you all the best and keep posting your progress.

Good luck

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It hasn't been enough time Jackie. You really have to allow yourself enough healing time for this so that it doesn't resurface in years to come.


If you trust this guy, you can just be completley honest with him. Don't give him details, but you can tell him you were assulted recently, you thought you were ready to be involved with someone, and although you do have feelings for him, you just aren't ready. Tell him that its important that you get enough time to heal properly and you are sorry that it won't work out right now.


Jackie, this isn't about the guy right now ok? Its about you and your recovery. I found my assult was actually not as bad as the aftermath: losing all (many) my friends, living in fear, and not fully understanding what was changing for me.


Please, go to the school counsellor. You don't have to give details to anyone unless your comfortable. You can simply say you have been assulted.

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  • 2 months later...

I agree it hasn't been long enough. You need to see a professional.


I was in a similar situation, a long time ago. I, like you, started dating someone soon afterward. This was about 10 years ago- and I hadn't had any problems with sex since then, until about 2 years ago. It can sneak up on you, and at first you may not realize what the reason is. For me, I was dating a guy and completely turned on by him, and then I'd get very freaked out and cry uncontrollably during sex. It took a little while until I figured out what must have been going on. You are lucky that you have realized that this really affected you and you can get help right away. I think it would be best to try to heal while the scab is still new, rather than waiting for it to scar- scars are hard to get rid of.


As far as the guy you are dating, you definitely need to be honest with him. The guy I dated was completely understanding, he really helped me get through it. I was afraid that since the rape was so long ago, he wouldn't know why it was affecting me now. If you do care about this man, he could be a great support system- try to give him some more credit. If you share something like this with a man, it could help you start to trust men again. They aren't all animals- he may surprise you. Good luck.

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