Feeling down

[Makedamnsure]

I just wanted to get this out, I'm sick of keeping things to myself, it's starting to drive me crazy.

 

I've just been feeling so unhappy lately, and feeling like I don't want to carry on for much longer. Somehow I got in this mindset that the best plan to deal with my problems is just to wait it out for the next year or two to see what happens, and if nothing should happen then just to put everything to an end.

 

I think I got in this mindset because, I'm not comfortable about liking men. I don't know, I just never thought about it until last year. Before the feelings were just there, but I was convinced that nothing would ever happen with it. Then everything changed and I fell in love with a man. I realized how it felt to feel deeply in love with someone, to feel alive and truly happy, I realized that I can see myself being with a man with the rest of my life. It hit me like a brick walls, I'm Bi. What makes it worse is that since I fell in love with this man, my attraction to girls has gone down. Sure there are some girls out there who I can see myself being happy with, but I haven't met any girls that made me feel like as good as the guy did.

(Well, there was this one girl that got pretty close. We were best friends throughout elementary school, then I moved away in Grade 6. I didn't see her much till high school, and when we hung out then I realized how much I had liked her. Then she got engaged and her fiance wouldn't let her see me )

 

Because I'm not comfortable with it myself, I'm not comfortable to tell other people, so I just bottle things up, which is starting to get to me](*,)

 

Anyway, I'm done ranting for now. Thanks for reading.

[blue-eyedspacemonkey]

Hiya Makedamnsure

 

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. Sometimes leaving things be is a good plan, to see how you truly feel, but it might be time to accept that these feelings aren't going to go away.

These forums are a great place to vent and to talk about things, and you get great advice.

If you ever just wanted to talk/rant/whatever feel free to PM me.

[GQstatus]

I can imagine it sucks feeling like you can't talk to anyone. I'm not sure how big of a town you live in, but how about trying to meet some new people? It's a lot easier to be open and honest with new people I think verses people that are already in your life.

 

You're still young bro. I wouldn't beat yourself up too much about who you like. Male or Female, you'll meet somebody when the time is right. And it's weird how it's usually when you at least expect it.

[Makedamnsure]

Thank you for the replies. I guess one of the problems is that I live in a small one stop-light town. Theres not really that many new people to meet. I have a lot of friends though, and when I hang out with them for the most part I forget about it, and I have a good time. For the past 6 months I moved away for school, and now I'm alone a lot, which gives me WAY too much time to think about stuff. I move back next month though, I'm interested to see how things go, if they will get any better. I've thought about moving away, but right now my friends are the only thing I have, and being away from them just for 8 months is not fun. I guess I could always go to a gay bar in one of the bigger cities close by and see what thats like.

 

Oh yeah, I forgot to say, what makes this worse is that I'm not attracted to any guy my age, though I get attracted to girls my age. I'm only attracted to guys that are older than me, which makes it harder for me to tell anyone because it just makes things that much more complicated. I mean, I can't imagine what people would think if I started dating some guy older than me. Again, I really dont know what I`m gonna do about this, but so far what seems the most logical is to suppress these feelings, or have a secret relationship or something. I dunno, I just feel like I`m in a really bad situation that won`t get sorted out for a loooong time..

 

I feel so confused @_@. It's like I have split personalities or something. I almost wish that people could just tell that I was Bi, and that I didn't have to tell them. But I'm the type of guy who likes working on cars and drinking beer, and my personality doesn't exactly scream gay at all. I'm not entirely worried about telling my friends, cause my good friends will accept me for it, and I can just say screw the people that don't, but I really REALLY don't want to tell my family. Especially my brothers and my dad. I dunno, I just can't imagine them taking it too well.

 

Wow, it feels weird talking about this, not usually something I would tell anyone..

[GQstatus]

So no one at all knows about all this? I understand why you wouldn't want to tell your family right now. But how about telling your closest friend? You can always come here for support, but you can't exactly hug a computer screen lol.

 

And as far as you liking cars, beer, the "macho things", being gay or bi doesn't make you any less of a man than a hetro guy. My mom has a gay friend who even the best "gaydar" couldn't pick up. His voice is as low as barry white, he restores cars, and overall seems like an over grown high school jock. Placing labels on people because of their sexual preferences is just ignorant.

 

The older you get the more this shouldn't bother you. You'll lose friends regardless if you're bi, move away, lose interests with eachother, get a gf/bf, whatever. And just like you said, the ones that won't accept it, really weren't your friends anyway.

 

Good luck to you.

[Locke2121]

Remember Makedamnsure, Bi people are the only ones in their right minds...its the rest of us, gay and straight that have the hangups!

[GQstatus]

I think Locke has a good point. My ex is as bi as you can be, without being either straight, or gay. She's had relationships with both male and female. When I asked her what she "preferred" she couldn't answer it. And told me she falls in love with the person, not their gender.

[Makedamnsure]

Exactly!! I feel the same way, I fall in love with the person, not the gender. I just wish that people appreciated that more.

 

Well I told one of my friends a couple years ago that I was Bi, and she couldn't believe it. Except once or twice, she hasn't mentioned it to me since. Other than her no one knows. I probably shouldn't have let it get that way..

I've been thinking about telling a couple close friends, I'm just waiting for a good time to do it.

I realize that being gay doesn't make you less of a man, but people don't really suspect the more manly guys as being gay. In that sense, no one suspected me which is why no one knows.

I know that I'll loose friends because of this, but I'm pretty sure the friends I hang out with most will accept it, and thats all I care about.

I don't even want to touch the thought of telling my family. They'll be the last to know, and I believe it's the best way to do it.

 

 

Locke, I like that view. It's something to thing about

[GQstatus]

I know that I'll loose friends because of this, but I'm pretty sure the friends I hang out with most will accept it, and thats all I care about.

I don't even want to touch the thought of telling my family. They'll be the last to know, and I believe it's the best way to do it.

 

You'll lose some, and meet some new ones that will know about you and accept you for it. From the outside looking in, I seem to have 20+ "friends" but when it comes down to it, I have like 3. Those 3 know everything there is to know about me, they can tell when I'm lying, they can tell when something is bothering me, and they know exactly how to make me smile. The others, are acquaintances. Easy way of looking at it, is we use eachother to not be bored during the weekends lol. These people know nothing about my past.

 

I'm always picking and choosing who I want to open up to, and it's a very small amount of people. I think it's better that way. I also think it's fairly easy to read people, and know off the bat if they're someone you'd want to continue a friendship/relationship with.

 

4 years ago I was 19, sleeping around, using drugs, not having a care in the world. I can honestly look back, and barely know the person I was then. My friends have changed, my looks have changed, my whole outlook on life has changed, for the better.

 

There will always be people there that won't understand you, accept you, or want you to be a part of your life. But for every one of those, there's another person standing there with open arms. Don't worry about the ones that don't worry about you bro.

 

As far as your family goes, you'll know when the right time is to open up with them. Don't stress it too much, enjoy your life right now.

[Shiva 2007]

I think when you put something in a category it can be very uncomfortable for some people to accept, it's like living in a box, some people get claustophobic. I have all kinds of friends, gay, straight, bi, and most of them are ok with who they are. I often hear the same story coming from my bi friends, it's about the person, and not the gender. I tend to understand where their coming from it's more about the relationship and the sense of connection that is built then the gender they feel attracted to.

In 2007 it shouldn't really matter who one chooses to be with, but let's be realistic it still does (unfortunately), so many people still pass a lot of judgements and that can make it frightening for one to decide.

[Makedamnsure]

Thank you so much for the replies. My life has really started to change in the past 6 or so months. It feels pretty good actually

 

Well, I was doing good until last night. Turns out there some sh*t happening between my dad and my mom. They've been divorced since I was about 5 and theres been confict between them since then. It's a really long story and I don't want to get into that right now. Anyways, this isn't helping. On the plus side, my minds occupied now and I'm not thinking about being Bi near as much. I dunno, things will work out eventually though.