Internet & its affect in breakups

[crvers]

Out of curiosity, I would like to know peoples opinion on how the internet can affect you during a breakup. After going through a breakup myself, and watching others go through theres, I found myself pondering how much all the garbage on the internet can either make breakups easier or harder.

 

Based fully on assumption, prior to the internet the only contact that could happen with an ex was either: Random, In person, phone call, or information through friends.

 

But now there is acess to myspace, facebook, msn, txt msging... etc etc. All these additional tools allow for contact that would've never been originally available or allow you to attempt contact by 2 degrees of separation. I found it much easier to make bad decision through these conduits and most of all, it adds an additional need for stricter guidelines to yourself. This is because now your battling with the possibility of learning information about them while not actually in contact with them.

 

So, I pose the question: Is it easier to move on when information about someone is now so readily available in the world of cyberspace?

[astaro]

i think internet defanently makes things tougher, i wish i didnt have access to all her muzings at the touch of a button, it is much harder to stop yourself from going over a public web page in your own private time then it is to contact another living person.

[smiles21]

myspace wrecks relationships, I dont care what anyone says. It seems we live in the age of replacing people, instead of working out issues.

[crvers]

i think internet defanently makes things tougher, i wish i didnt have access to all her muzings at the touch of a button, it is much harder to stop yourself from going over a public web page in your own private time then it is to contact another living person.

 

Exactly my point. Passive interaction. Allowing you to feel connected to someone your no longer attached to... Does it allow for quicker healing or does it prolong the healing process?

[astaro]

prolongs it. makes it much easier to day dream and say "what ifs". you basically lie to yourself about going NC

[crvers]

myspace wrecks relationships, I dont care what anyone says. It seems we live in the age of replacing people, instead of working out issues.

 

Additionally a good point. With the ever-growing ability to meet more people outside of our usual range... is this causing an influx of people abandoning the hard times for greener pastures?

[Suesser Tod]

I think all Internet does is provide more information. What people do with that information is the problem. 99% of the time, they take that information, interprets it according to their believes and create a new level of drama.

 

So while for many people internet hasn't changed a thing, a new generation of drama queens are exploting it to its fullest.

[kb109]

myspace wrecks relationships, I dont care what anyone says. It seems we live in the age of replacing people, instead of working out issues.

 

I couldn't agree more. I effing HATE myspace.

[Psylocke]

In my experience blogs (general term I use for myspace, facebook etc) that are read by real life friends cause way too many problems, especially if they are read by your bf/gf. I have a blog, but do not not have any real ties to the people that read it, meaning I have no other contact but at the blog site. My rl friends, family or anyone I personally know do not and will not read it.

 

Blogs (general term) can be therapeutic in as many ways as it can cause you to dwell on past relationships. We all want to be armchair psychiatrists and these methods of displying our lives to everyone enable this.

[numbhead]

..... it all sucks!

 

that is why i have vowed to not go on any of these sites,,, if i did it would kill me and torment me... i couldnt handle it!

 

the gd thing about all this is that,,, my ex walked out on me and we are along distance away from each other.... i have and will never put anything on the net for her to ever know where i am ,, wot im upto etc.... so she cannot checkup on me....

 

this is the only pleasure i can take from it all.... knowing that she doesnt knoW anything about what im doing !!.... she probably doesnt care,,, but it gives me a sense of power and control knowing this!!..

 

its got to affect her,,, infact im know it will.... ... ha... it sucks knowing tht i could just checkup on her right this second with a click of a button!! lol BUT IM NOT GOING TO!

[Aurian]

On the flip side, the Internet has places like this one for advice and help. I definitely got the help and support I needed here to leave my abusive marriage. It may have dragged out for longer if I didn't have some impartial people tell me that he was full of BS and that I WASN"T being "too sensitive" to his nasty emails and demands.

[Moriarty]

I have a positive myspace story. I found my ex’s new girlfriend’s myspace page, put a face to the evil &%@$ that stole my man and MOVED ON! I saw her relationship status in black and white, was sad for a little bit but finally attained some closure. I realize my boyfriend breaking up with me was not her fault but I was still upset. Seeing her myspace page made her human to me. I think it sped up the healing process.

 

And it let me walk out of the house without looking at every woman I came accross and thinking, “Is THAT her?”

[Shannyn]

it definitely causes more problems imo. Three weeks after I split from my ex I found out he was a member of several online dating sites.It was hurtful to say the least being so soon after we split.But it helped me in a way as well to see that he was moving on. Its kind of like two steps forward,two steps back each time you find out new information and is just adding more pain upon an already raw wound.

 

The best thing to do is find out when your most vulerable times are that your most likely to get curious about the exes online activities and replace it with something else like go for a walk or call a friend.I found throughout the healing process journaling really helped me a great deal.

 

 

The more you heal the less the desire will be to know what the ex is up to. Its not to say it wont still feel weird and a lil hurtful but it won't be devastating to you.

[This is Horrible]

i do not check her myspace, friendster, facebook or webshots.

 

seeing her in pics, happy in her new life without me will set me back in my recovery.

 

with that said, i found this site after my breakup and it has helped wonders.

 

so, in conclusion, the effect the internet has on breakups is a two-way street IMHO.

[Wandering_Sword]

I have a blog that I post stuff to and found it therapeutic to just write stuff. Initially, I used to write about the ex, but after three months of NC from her (she dumped me) I stopped altogether. I look back on all the stuff I wrote and gradually what I didn't and could see progress with myself. It was like a journal and even a tracker for me to see how I've changed my thinking on the situation.

Incidentally, the ex still goes to my site on a daily basis (3-5 times) and even up to 17 times a day!!! Go figure...

[crvers]

Definitely a good spread of opinions on this question. Keep up the good work everyone, I am enjoying the census thus far regarding my post.

 

As an added point, I am not implying that the internet doesn't have upsides. ENA is a prime example of a positive outcome, meaning people who originally wouldn't have been there for you, are.

 

But for the most part, as I read through everyone's posts, certain sites do cause major problems depending on how a person reacts to new information that the site provides. In the short term, it can cause alot of heartache because you may not be prepared for this information, whereas, in the long term, after the initial shock, sites like these may be helpful.

 

I still believe though, that sites (ie msypace, facebook etc. etc.) do help prolong the feeling of being connected to someone who moves on. Not matter how much you can distance yourself in real life, seeing them on msn or seeing a comment they made on someones wall can still cause the mind to work it imagination.

[lizziebee]

Myspace blows, but thats my opinion...I met my bf online and have never been happier, however, we both had some trust issues early on because of this. He even asked me about being on ENA all of the time! I welcomed him to join in...He demurred. Trust is trust...it's different for everyone and every relationship....

[Scorpio8647]

Myspace and facebook are so evil in these situations and it doesn't help me.Like I can go maybe a week without looking into my ex's life, then one day I just get so curious and vulnerable and I end up searching for his profile & I look. It bothers me to see new pics and to see him happy, as if I never existed in the first place. Then the ultimate slap is to find out that they have a new girlfriend which sets you back even more because you still care for the person. Then they have a whole bunch of pics of them on their page together hugging and kissing .

 

See I'm having a problem with this now. I can't stop looking into my ex's life. Even if I delete them off of my page, all I have to do is type their name in a search engine and he'll come up.

[light bulb]

Definitely makes break ups harder...especially when your SO met the person they affaired with on myspace. Such a great feeling.

[crvers]

See I'm having a problem with this now. I can't stop looking into my ex's life. Even if I delete them off of my page, all I have to do is type their name in a search engine and he'll come up.

 

I can definitely relate to you on this. In the worst of things I found myself leaving my msn on in hopes that she would come online. I would delete her and block her constantly, but then change my mind moments later. I personally felt I couldn't do a direct attack towards her by doing so... eventually I changed my email to avoid her, but inevitably that didn't work so much in the long run. AND, after that you look at what they write their names as and see if its directed towards you...lol, oy that was always upsetting.

[crvers]

... ha... it sucks knowing tht i could just checkup on her right this second with a click of a button!! lol BUT IM NOT GOING TO!

 

Exactly my point... click of the button. Is it in our nature to let curiosity take command regardless of its outcome???

[GoSox07]

I agree with the majority of people here - the internet makes it tougher. While I'm not on MySpace or anything like that, the temptation to go to her page is there. Hell, a few days after my breakup I was Googling "how to get your ex back". In any event, the internet has made me more lame

[willow2900]

Hell, a few days after my breakup I was Googling "how to get your ex back". In any event, the internet has made me more lame

 

LOL! I was in the same boat - but luckily for me that's how I came accross ENA, because I googled that exact phrase!

 

I'm on facebook and so is my ex and initially it was terrible. Especially since our friends are all the same and when they post pictures, you get updates and the one day I logged in to see my ex and his new girl kissing! UGH!

 

But there was a funny upside. I invited a few friends to go out one night and posted where we were going to be just letting them know etc not even really thinking that the ex would read it. But he did. I got a phone call from him the day after the night out and he was FREAKING out at me saying I should've called him to let him know that I invited his friends (not mine, his btw!) out and that I should've told him about it and the fact that I didn't want him there! I found that hilarious! I am supposed to call him when I want a night out??? He's the one that got a new gf after 7 days!

 

Anyhow, it made me laugh at how pathetic he was. And now I just shake my head at it. So ya, it can be hard, but sometimes it can help give you closure just when you need it!