love him for who he is

[toonicegirl]

recently i found out that my friend's gf of 3 months asked him to gave up his dream (being musician) and grow up (!!!)... he's 25

 

how come girls can be so stupid?

[agent1607307371]

Simple answer: they aren't. Don't generalise.

 

 

Frankly, as long as he has a job to pay his way and a talent for what he does, he should pursue his dream, it doesn't harm anyone.

If he's putting his life on hold and chasing after something he has no talent for, he'd be better off taking her advise.

 

That said, if she didn't like him as he is, why date him.

[arwen]

Wow... that is not a good relationship move. But I think it would even be more stupid if someone would actually follow this request and give up his dream. How does your friend feel about it?

 

Arwen

[Batya33]

That person you referred to, if she said it that way, happens to be a poor communicator because obviously, he is not going to - and should not - listen to unsolicited advice that disparages his ideas and views. I can relate to her frustration but the way she went about it probably was not productive.

 

It's also highly unproductive to generalize, or to refer to someone as "stupid" because you happen to think that one of her actions was "stupid."

[EvaGina]

it depends, if she is paying his way, then its kinda understandable... but if he is making it on his own, it has nothing to do with her.

 

Personally, I would support my SO in any dream he may have, but this couple just sound kinda incompatible.

[toonicegirl]

sorry about generalization..i know i shouldnt...im a girl too

 

he's really got talent... it is still underground music but he wants it to be more... i dont think he will give up the dream...but i was so surprised that she asked him that...grow up? what was she thinking...there are thousands of musicians over 25

[lady00]

Weird. If I were the guy I would be out of that relationship the minute she said that.

[flower99]

Personally, for him to stay with this girl...would be a stupid move. This is Warning sign. She doesn't respect, understand or support his passion & dream.

HUGE warning sing to me. If she can so easily say this after 3 month, so early in the relationship, she will say far more later in it. crushing his dream & cutting him down...wow! if she doesn't like him the way he is, why is she with him?

He's got to find a women that will encourge & support his dream & passion...or at the least, understand it.

[EvaGina]

sorry about generalization..i know i shouldnt...im a girl too

 

he's really got talent... it is still underground music but he wants it to be more... i dont think he will give up the dream...but i was so surprised that she asked him that...grow up? what was she thinking...there are thousands of musicians over 25

 

so maybe shes a gold-digger who wants to be financially supported?

[Day_Walker]

I believe that she is entitled to expect more but that does not mean that she is going to get it from this guy. I am going to say that it is a not a generlization because I can think of countless women that do something to this effect. If he is not strong enough to hold his ground then he deserves to give up his dream because it is obviously not something that he wants if he is willing to forsake it for gf.

[Northalius]

Sounds like the ol' stereotypical "woman trying to change her man" thing. lol

 

He really should just drop her, because she obviously doesn't respect him enough to let him follow his dream! Especially since he's good, as you say? Come on. She sounds like she'd be a control-freak in the long run!

 

If you read up on Mariah Carey's background, you'll see she had multiple jobs, walked in the snow with holes in her shoes, etc. but she strived, and pushed to make her dream come true as one of, if not thee, best vocalists ever known.

 

It's all up to how much you desire to succeed. You can make your dreams come true. Mind over matter!

[Batya33]

sorry about generalization..i know i shouldnt...im a girl too

 

he's really got talent... it is still underground music but he wants it to be more... i dont think he will give up the dream...but i was so surprised that she asked him that...grow up? what was she thinking...there are thousands of musicians over 25

 

I think she meant grow up as in find a day job that will provide the financial stability and work on the music nights and weekends. If they are talking marriage he has to be able to contribute to the marital income.

 

Do you wish you were his girlfriend?

[flower99]

Sounds like the ol' stereotypical "woman trying to change her man" thing. lol

 

He really should just drop her, because she obviously doesn't respect him enough to let him follow his dream! Especially since he's good, as you say? Come on. She sounds like she'd be a control-freak in the long run!

 

 

Honestly, It's okay for her to want those things. if she does want a stable future, and desires something more from her man that makes him a 'grown up'. Than thats totally understandable and I can respect that. I'd want that too....(which is why I wouldn't date a musician)

 

But to date a musician & want him to be something else..?????

She knew what he did when she got into the relationship. She should find someone else who is what she wants...rather than attempting to change him into what she wants.

 

I totally agree with the above statement.

[toonicegirl]

 

Do you wish you were his girlfriend?

 

he is my ex boyfriend and i dont want them to be together anyway

 

he works two jobs and probably hes gonna give up one soon cause he's going to school...music was only free time thing although very important to him

[Carl5000]

Honestly, It's okay for her to want those things. if she does want a stable future, and desires something more from her man that makes him a 'grown up'. Than thats totally understandable and I can respect that. I'd want that too....(which is why I wouldn't date a musician)

 

But to date a musician & want him to be something else..?????

She knew what he did when she got into the relationship. She should find someone else who is what she wants...rather than attempting to change him into what she wants.

 

I totally agree with the above statement.

 

Sorry, i don't really understand this sh!t, i suppose its just social dawinism and competition amongst the species for the most desirable mate and tahts why most relationships fail. People always want too much and there's usually somebody better around teh corner.

 

thereforeeee they should probably have their sexual fun until the boredom sets in and go their separate ways. She is certainly after something long-term, far into the horizon and they aren't suitable atm unless he becomes very rich from his musical pursuits. Then the the large house, security and children in the future become a reality.

 

hah flower99, your like this quote;

 

"FOR WOMEN, THE MAN IS THE MEANS, THE END IS ALWAYS THE CHILD" - NIETZSCHE

[lady00]

Telling someone to "grow up" and give up their dreams is controlling and tactless. Believing in one's self and pursuing one's dreams has nothing to do with being an adult...in fact, I think that is what successful adults do. They set goals and take steps to achieve them and they surround themselves with people who support and cheer them on.

 

If someone is going to realize that perhaps their dreams are not realizable and they need to come up with new dreams that will also be fulfilling but more realizable, it's not the place of their bf or gf to tell them this. That is the definition of controlling and it's totally unattractive. A person must go through growth on his or her own and come to conclusions about his or her life goals on his or her own.

[lady00]

I think she meant grow up as in find a day job that will provide the financial stability and work on the music nights and weekends. If they are talking marriage he has to be able to contribute to the marital income.

 

Do you wish you were his girlfriend?

 

Yes, perhaps she meant this. But the way the OP put it, it sounded like she said it quite rudely. Besides, I don't really think it makes it okay to say that to someone who you're dating. She's not his mom. It's controlling. If she doesn't like it then she should find someone who she finds is more compatible with her desires.

[Batya33]

Yes and if you happened to see my previous post, I totally agree that the way she said it wasn't fair or respectful.

[lady00]

Yes and if you happened to see my previous post, I totally agree that the way she said it wasn't fair or respectful.

 

What I mean is that I guess I can't relate to what she is saying. Maybe I see how she would want her man to financially stable but I don't think telling him to give up on his music has anything to do with that. I think if she's not happy with his choice, she should be with someone else who also is concerned about whatever it is she is concerned about. I don't think it's her place to express either the content of what she said just as much as I don't like the way she said it.

[Batya33]

I agree that she cannot ask him to give up his music unless they are married and it will affect their income. It is fine to say that you want someone financially stable and let him connect the dots if he wants to.

[flower99]

Sorry, i don't really understand this sh!t, i suppose its just social dawinism and competition amongst the species for the most desirable mate and tahts why most relationships fail. People always want too much and there's usually somebody better around teh corner.

 

thereforeeee they should probably have their sexual fun until the boredom sets in and go their separate ways. She is certainly after something long-term, far into the horizon and they aren't suitable atm unless he becomes very rich from his musical pursuits. Then the the large house, security and children in the future become a reality.

 

hah flower99, your like this quote;

 

"FOR WOMEN, THE MAN IS THE MEANS, THE END IS ALWAYS THE CHILD" - NIETZSCHE

 

I think you misunderstood me. It has nothing to do with competition amongst the species or finding someone 'better' (because better, is a matter of opinion, what some love, others hate)

I simply meant - accept people the way they are. If she began dating him as a musician, than accept that, don't ask him to be something else. and tell him to grow up. that's wrong.

If she wants something else in her man that find a man that is that...dont' change someone.

 

And as far as me being like this quote. "FOR WOMEN, THE MAN IS THE MEANS, THE END IS ALWAYS THE CHILD" - NIETZSCHE

I'm not.

I've been on my own since I was 17. I've been a single mom for 4 years supporting me & my child. I work 2 jobs. And for the last 9 months (and 6 more) I've been supporting my bf while he's in school. So No, the man is not the means to me.

I'm not sure why you said that. or if I understood it correctly.?? Oh well.

 

Oh and by the way...If you don't understand something, don't call it sh!t.

[toonicegirl]

he was in hospital for a week...almost died and she was there all the time even though they broke up on the day that accident happened...it had nothing to do with the music... she never liked it and now she tries to use his weakness

 

it is just so stupid and pisses me off...fortunately it looks like he didnt take her request seriously

[Carl5000]

Well 'dont understand something' isn't the correct phasing, i just can't get my head around relationships ) thats what i meant. The quote was just a fun thing and its more in relation to humanity being selfish and full of egotism. Look in all honestly i'm just being stupid and it comes from an insecurity, i just find it absurd how you can' only be loved, in terms of what u give you partner which is a means. But, a two way one at that, so both parties benefit. I'm just bitter and it comes out in some posts that i don't have much to offer women.

 

Like in this case, the girl asking him to give up his musical aspirations because she wants a serious relationship it get my back up ) then again , i can see it from her perspective. I've had this sort of crap from EVERY girl i've dated always complaining that their needs aren't being met, cheating, i should be earning more money. Thats part of life though, btw this isn't an attack on women.. men are no better were all pretty neutral.

[agent1607307371]

he was in hospital for a week...almost died and she was there all the time even though they broke up on the day that accident happened...it had nothing to do with the music... she never liked it and now she tries to use his weakness

 

it is just so stupid and pisses me off...fortunately it looks like he didnt take her request seriously

 

That was nice of her. She didn't have to do that. She obviously will support him when he needs it.

 

Is it possible that him almost dying gave her a reality check and she just doesn't want him to waste his life over something that may never happen?

 

(not that I agree with it, but that's my take)

[Aleadragonhawk]

In this situation, it might be best to keep your feelings about her actions to yourself. I totally understand the desire to rant here, but don't let your feelings about it fall over onto your friend. We all know how hard it can be to make a tough decision when considering just ourselves - when friends get in the mix, it can be even worse! The best thing might be to just support your friend and let him rant when he needs it. Saying bad things about his g/f can come back to bite you.