insecure246 Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 my wife and i have been married for almost 3 years, and have been together for almost 4. we split up last january. began an ugly divorce and custody battle. we were both seeing other people. we got back together in november. we moved back in together. we went to marriage counseling. things were going well, i thought. i have an addiction to the computer. she says i ignore her, whish i guess is true. i told her i can change but now she says she just wants a divorce. she says she loves me but shes not in love with me. i wonder now if im truly in love with her. am i just afraid of being alone? i feel really confused and lost and alone and crushed. i feel like shes carving my heart out of my chest. Also. The other night we were playing around and she was throwing some of my clothes outside our apt. and we were both laughing and i tried to push her inside but i pushed her too hard and she fell and hit her head on the floor. i couldnt believe that i had done such a thing. i grew up watching my mom get beat and promised id never lay my hands on a woman. i dont know how to fix this. i dont know if i can live with myself after this. ive never felt so low in my life. ive never felt so ashamed of myself. it was an accident but thats no excuse. and what if it wasnt and im just trying to make excuses to myself so i dont have to accept that i did it on purpose. after i did it she left and i tried to kill myself, but the knife i tried to use was too dull. so i sharpened it, but by then i didnt feel like it, so i just cut myself on my chest alot. then i went to her and talked to her. i just want things to be like they were before. she says that we dont put butterflies in each others stomachs or want to spend every minute with heach other like we once did. i told her that that changes in every relationship and you have to work on it to keep things fresh, but she seems like she has made her mind up. she says she doesnt want to stay with me just for our son. i dont know what to do. why are these things so hard? and how do you know when to trust your feelings? they lie! i'm so confused. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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