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Missing him


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18 months ago, I was unhappily married, and met a man online, who seemed wonderful.... we met a short time later, and continued our relationship. Speaking everyday on the phone, sometimes several times a day. We met as often as we could, even though at the time we were both married to other people. I separated from my husband, and continued to see my "friend". At one point in our relationship, his wife actually moved out, however some unfortunate things happened to his children, and she eventually moved back in. He was troubled throughout the last few months of our relationship. I had been very patient, because I loved him tremendously. However, I think when I began feeling inside that he was pulling back a bit, I began struggling. I had very recently moved to a new city, and taken a new job, rented a house that was to be "our" home. He would talk to me about how much his kids needed him, and how much he loved them. I loved them too, even though I had never met him. He, on the other hand, had met my children, and my family.

So, to make a long story short, about a month ago, he called, and we talked... and we said goodbye... we both said we loved one another still... but he needs to be with his kids. I know being there won't be enough to make him happy, but I asked him to never again cheat on her, to give 100% to his marriage, and his kids. If He gives to her, then the kids will see the difference and and they'll be happier again as well.

I know I did the right thing in letting him go... but I am having trouble going on with my life. I date other people, but inside I am miserable... my heart hurts, and I feel lost and alone in this new city. I haven't been able to make many new friends yet.... and long for someone to "hang" out with.

I guess even though it's been only a month since we said the words, I haven't seen him in 6 months, so I had already seen the writing on the wall... So, I guess I'm wondering... how can I go on? Do I have the hope of again falling in love with my best friend?

It's hard, when all I really wanna do is turn tail and run back home to my friends, where at least I have support.

Sorry to ramble so much... but if anyone has some advice for me... please help.


Thank you.. Pamela

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I can understand how heart-wrenching that must have been to step aside and let him be with his kids. It was the most unselfish thing you could have done. I have to say though, that if this was as meaningful a relationship as you said, it just has to come back around again. Fate has a bit of a strange way of playing out sometimes. Perhaps everything will work itself out in the end.


Best of luck,



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  • 3 weeks later...

Thank you for your kind words... I hope you are right... I hope that things come back around. And at the same time... I hope they do not... because looking back, his kids need stability, and he cannot give them that with his eye on me. If anything were ever to happen, he'd have to leave them first, because I could never again trust my heart to someone I cannot have.

Thanks again, Pamela

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  • 2 weeks later...

I understand the pain you are going through, It isn't easy to just let go of someone even if it is the right thing. Considering what you did was right, you are going to have to leave it like that. If it was ment to be then he will surely come back to you... It's easy said then done.. but its something you might want to consider. There really is nothing els you can do, to change things or have him run back into your arms. All lays and depends on him, if he rather fix his marriage and work with his family or simply come to you. .. I feel however that you should not wait to see what happens and try to move on the best you can. Trust me it isn't easy and being depresst about it won't go away .. it may take up to a year until you can finally let go, but once you do you will see the world with new eyes and you will find yourself in love with someone els. There are other men out there... get out and do more.. try to make friends.. and once you go out you will see hope. And you will come to think and kick yourself in the head thinking what where you thinking?


Perhaps I can share with you what I have been throught because as I mention I know how it feels to wonder and to feel pain. [/img]

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You poor woman. I feel very much as you do right now. I, only a week ago today, told the woman that I loved more than any other goodbye. We had a long distant relationship that just couldn't sustain our love any longer. We both agreed on the outcome and we both decided it was the best thing for the both of us. Problem is that we both still love each other. There are other reasons why we simply could not be together, but it's just so very hard knowing that the love we shared is still there.


I am going through the most difficult time my life has ever seen. I know I will eventually find happiness and love again, but that knowledge does nothing for me right now. I feel pain and longing, love withdrawals, depression, and loneliness. I want to give up. But I stand firm knowing that I will get what I want from life because deep down I am strong and courageous. I do not feel like it right now, but it's in there somewhere. When my time comes, the lion within me will emerge again and show me that life is too short to be miserable, too short to not give life the best damn shot I can. It's all you can do.


Move on. Treat yourself kindly and with respect. You are loved. Go to the people in your life who love you. Talk to all of them and share your feelings with them. They will help you find your way, I promise you. This is where I'm at, and this is the only advice I can give another who feels a pain similar to my own. Good luck to the both of us.


Peace & Love,


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