darkpumpkin Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Ok in dire need of some support. I'm having a weak moment. Wanting to contact the ex tell him I miss him tell him I want to be with him. I shouldn't. He very slyly cut down my self confidence and made me second guess everything I said/did. (lol I wrote on here all the time in the last 5 months). I know in my heart that he's not the one, didn't fit. But right now I just need anyone who has gone through this or is going through this to tell me it's ok and that n/c is still best. Please I just don't want to slip up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mca1975 Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 hi there, help is here. i am going through this at the moment!!! i was with mine for six months and I ended it as he was very jealous and controlling and I was under such a strain in the relationship, I couldnt take it any more. He took break up real bad and was obsessive about getting me back and he also was trying to get my self confidence down so I wouldnt leave him. Now i have had 8 days no contact and I know how hard it is as you miss the good things about the relationship. I have tried to make a list of all the bad things that I dont miss. put it up on your wall! Please reply, I am on line now mca1975 x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darkpumpkin Posted March 7, 2007 Author Share Posted March 7, 2007 That's the only thing stopping me is thinking of the bad but I don't think it will stop me for long. He was happy with the break up and when I asked could we just take a break and try again he said "Ok we will see in 3 weeks." is he just making me hang on....don't want to be the bad guy again? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ash Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 It can be really, really tough, particularly at first. Stick with it though, you'll thank yourself later that you held out with no contact. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvursmile Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Hang in there, hun....it'll get better. Dont cave in at a moments weakness...you will regret it. Take a deep breath & focus on something else! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darkpumpkin Posted March 7, 2007 Author Share Posted March 7, 2007 Think he will ever miss me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ash Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Oh, I'm sure at some point that he will. But is that truly relevant? Him missing you really does you no good in the end, particularly considering you know he's not the one. Focus on yourself, that's what no contact is really for. Try not to concern yourself with what he's thinking and feeling. That's for him to deal with now without your help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darkpumpkin Posted March 7, 2007 Author Share Posted March 7, 2007 I know it's not supposed to matter but everyone knows it does. And yes I guess maybe one day he will but right now he doesn't. God I wish this was easier. It's like giving up drugs . Just plain painful but needs to be done Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shortpants Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 I have to agree with Ash on this one. YOU are the most important thing in your life, and that is that. My ex had me constantly second-guessing myself, every time I thought I had it straight in my head as to what I wanted, one conversation with him and I'd be a pool of spineless goo on the floor, bowing to whatever he said was the "right" thing to do. It was only after months of NC that I was able to see straight and give myself the validation that what I was thinking and feeling was not wrong in any way, shape or form. It is very hard, but you really need to focus on yourself and not live the what-ifs, shoulda / coulda / woulda, wonder if he's feeling as bad as me life. The day you wake up and know that you will be ok and you can be happy will be the best day of your life! I greet every day with a smile now and am saddened only by the fact I wasted 10 years trying to save something I really should have let go. You can do it! Not to mention you will be better for it in the end.... we promise!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darkpumpkin Posted March 7, 2007 Author Share Posted March 7, 2007 Thank you. It's just that fear of being alone. That knowledge that your single out of all your friends. That there are no more cuddles, sex, couple things for however long it is before someone else comes into your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darkpumpkin Posted March 7, 2007 Author Share Posted March 7, 2007 Well I lost the battle today I text him and I feel awful Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeWho Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Yeah being alone you do miss the things that come with a relationship, but it is important for you to now learn to be happy with just yourself. It will be tough but then when the right person comes along you will be ready for a healthy and successful relationship. Just hang in there and do not contact him!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeWho Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Well I lost the battle today I text him and I feel awful We have all done it before, dont beat yourself up over it. Just remember how you feel right now the next time you want to contact him. You'll be OK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ash Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Well I lost the battle today I text him and I feel awful Well ... it happens sometimes. You will get the urge,and to be honest many of those attempting no contact do make the odd slip. So don't let it bug you, just move on past. Whatever happens, don't get into a protracted text message (or otherwise) communication with him. If he returns the communication do your best to ignore it if you can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LONESOUL Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Do you need to talk about it? Shake it off, it happens, start over and be good to yourself~regardless of the fact that you had a weak moment. Learn the lesson from it. Try not to repete the mistake thinking the result may be different, chances are, they won't be. Just know that sometimes NC really is a good idea just so that you have enough space and distance to get stronger, so you can heal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darkpumpkin Posted March 7, 2007 Author Share Posted March 7, 2007 I know that's what is so frustrating. I've gone through the whole contacting an ex...feeding off the crumbs they gave me. It just seemed so hard today. I had been thinking about him all day and I just did after trying so many different things to not do it.....I guess I just I wish didn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellbell Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Hey girl, Don't sweat it. You will be okay. We all had little boo-boo's. You always have us to talk to and when you feel a little itchy to contact him, do something else to distract you. Like call a friend, go for a walk, clean out a closet, anything to keep you busy. Stay strong. We are all here for you. (((hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darkpumpkin Posted March 7, 2007 Author Share Posted March 7, 2007 Thanks everyone. I really needed you guys today and you all helped so much. So so much from telling me to do n/c to supporting me and not letting me hate myself because I screwed up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kellbell Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Hey there, Try not hate yourself because I have noticed when folks are too hard on themselves or focus on the event too much, it increases the chance for another "opps." Try your best to let it go, you are human, with a lot of emotions at the moment and that we all make mistakes. That's all. Before you know it, you will be chuckling at yourself. There are going to be tough days and there are going to be easy days. That dreaded emotional rollercoaster and that is common. Hang in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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