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Fiance is starting to push away, stating past abuse as the reason


washburn1243
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I want to thank the people who replied to my thread, your advice was helpful and guided my fiance and I to the beginning of the healing process. For those who got a chance to read the story, she did have an unexpected exacerbation of PTSD thought to be fully treated years ago.

 

To she in the red shoes who offered only ridicule on other threads, I hope you find healing for your pain. There are good men out there. May you someday meet a man who will give you a reason to think positively about men. If you allow it to happen, it will.

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people are different... It may be she is suffering from PTSD (post traumatic stress dissorder)

It's hard to come to terms with whats happened for the victim, and their friends and family... keep being supportive, and if u can reserch on it, and PTSD... things do take time, if it's not been gone through and talked about in the past, it may be she's finding it harder to cope... please reserch it =]

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The only difference now is that she doesn't want to have sex with me.

That's a symptom of a BIG PROBLEM. No matter what she says, she i emotionally withdrawing from you and will eventually dump you.

 

She says her past abuse is causing her to pull away from me sexually.

And that's an excuse. People (girls usually) do this all the time. It's to deflect the harsh reality of the situation. Admitting to your partner and yourself that the relationship you're in isn't working. It's a process.

 

Healthy relationships have intimacy. If there's none, then there's a problem. It has to be solved or else you two can't continue.

 

On a side note, you sound like a really good guy. Very understanding, always willing to listen and lend a hand. These are all good things. But there looks like a problem because your "niceness" bleeds into not showing your true emotions all the time, even when the emotions you feel are negative. Not enough fully sticking up for yourself, and women get the impression that you're not being completely honest with them (fake).

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That's a symptom of a BIG PROBLEM. No matter what she says, she i emotionally withdrawing from you and will eventually dump you.

 

If she is saying she still wants to marry you more than anything, then I don't think she will eventually dump you. Have you ever considered that you are putting too much emphasis and pressure on the sex-part of your relationship? I know that sex is a key part to any relationship but maybe she thinks you are making it too important in the relationship. You do sound like a very compassionate, caring guy and I think she needs someone like you in her life. Maybe attending therapy sessions with her would get her to go regularly?

 

And I do agree with ____X- learning about what she is probably feeling will help the situation greatly so read up on it! There are so many resources out there! Good luck and I hope you are able to help her.

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It's too bad that you saw the therapist that you did because the advice you got basically amounts to psychological game playing and has a 0% chance of working.

 

Honestly, I'd #1 get a new therapist (best to get a guy who is not one of those overunderstanding types hide their feelings type) and keep coming to us for advice.

 

You want the solution? It all has to do with sticking up for yourself and showing the feelings that you care about her and the relationship. A sexless relationship is not normal. If you care enough, you won't accept it. If you're just "go with the flow", she's gonna think you don't care.

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