Unfinished Rage

[rothman]

It's been about one and a half years since I have broken up with my first love. I am a sophmore in college, and I have fun meeting and getting to know other girls more personally, but I still have this underlying hurt feeling that comes out of no where when I think about my ex-first love.

 

It starts out like this: We had college coming up, so we broke up because of that. While in college, she finds another guy and finds every way possible to shove it in my face. I have never returned this type of behavior in anyway, and have even offered to talk about our differences in person, but she's persistent in making everything an "online" ordeal, making all our contact be based on the internet. In the end, I was the one who hurt her terribly, and we haven't even talked in person since then, yet I don't think that's the case. I have offered to take her out to lunch to iron out everything, but she refused. She persisted on keeping everything online, which made me feel horrible and unwanted. In the end I keep having these revengeful thoughts, but I know that revenge will get me nowhere.

 

This past summer she contacted me online to tell me she regretted rejecting my lunch invitation, and that she want's everything to be "fine." I found her at her work to respond in person to this message, but all she did was stare into my face blankly, which hurt my feelings. I wound up telling her that she hurt me even more online, which probably wasn't the best thing to do.

 

My negative feelings towards her have gotten to the point where I have probably messed up other possible successful relationships. This is not healthy at all - I need to find some way to move forward from this mess!

 

I need to find another way. I know revenge is not the answer, and I am not about to stick my neck out again to mend any misunderstanding. I am not about to go backwards and find some way to win her back because she's totally not worth anymore of my time! What can I do to get my genuine confidence back? How can I overcome this?

[Cooperstown]

Been there and honestly to get completely past it and completely let go it took me a little over 4 years. I guess I finally started getting over it completely when I finally started really thinking about what I would do if I had the chance to confront her because she did some really terrible things. Every answer I could come up with as to what I would do or why I was angry really would not effect my current life at all. How is this woman effecting your current life? Is it helping you as a person overall? Do you really need her in you're life? Are you ready to move on finally? She pushed you away online, why did that hurt you? Does it still hurt you? You just really need to break it down and answer some questions about yourself to really begin to heal completely. And if your unsure what to do about her because you feel bad about your negative thoughts I'll leave you with a quote another member of this forum posted that I found so helpful I saved it myself.

 

Let go of blame, guilt, envy, jealousy, loneliness...all the emotions that come with a split that can trip you up.

Don't wallow in the past or do anything to bring the other down. Remember them as you met them and show the same care

you had when love paved the way. Realize you both hurt, you both miss the past and you both aren't going to be together like that again.

See each other as the same treasures you once were to each other. Don't throw out the friendship you built.