possibly cheating with a girlfriend? What do you think?

[nctxtd]

I've been with my girlfriend for two years, and I'm crazy in love with her. I am a freshman in college, and she is a senior in high school, and we live about an hour away from each other. Before I left for school in August, we were best friends and rarely ever got into arguments. I continued to make the journey home every other weekend to see her, and it remained a positive long-distance situation until this Christmas. Although I was previously very happy with our sex lives, All of a sudden, we went from having sex at least 3 times a week, to a staggering (possibly) once every to 2 weeks, and she began alienating herself away from the immaculate intimacy we once shared. She gave no reasons for the strange behavior, and so I just went along because she "had a lot to deal with at the moment"(graduation, leaving friends, ect). As this treatment went on, she started to become distant and depressed>and anything I did to try to help only drew harsher criticism. I became very worried, and tried to talk to her about it, but she shrugged off my concerns like I was crazy to think anything was wrong. This is where it started to hurt

Continuing to come in every other weekend, the majority of our time spent together was on the phone and through e-mail. Akwardly, our conversations grew very quiet, and she seemed to pick up a habitual tone of irritation and haste when talking to me at night. Our once 30 minute phone conversations quickly became 5 minute catch-ups. She started taking more outside calls while on the phone with me, including once taking 5 friendly calls in a 12 minute conversation. god damn>then she started to put me down and has been pretty malicious all in a "joking manner". She initiated a new behavior in which she frankly says or does things strictly to make me jealous. It can be things like leaving me on the couch to go lay with the dog and make over her(laughing and squealing obnoxiously, while professing her love of animals). When i give in and come to be with her on the floor, she pulls the (my)dog away, and says something like "no, she only wants me". Um, alright. She also began to talk non stop about (her favorite male band) and other men, and how much she "loves" them. This is really killing me>I really feel taken for granted. None of the other "men" she worships picks her up or tells her she looks damn delicious. Plus, I know for a fact that I do not talk about other women in front of her face, and I do not give confusing signals about who I love, because I know that it hurts. Even though I told her that I didn't like the way she was making me feel, she continued to sing praises to seemingly anyone but me, and she "loved them all". Day after day, i bottled up the hurt she was causing. By this time, I was definitly feeling some bad vibes, but it was only the tip of the iceberg

Because of my abscense, she hangs out with her group of girlfriends(all of which I am friendly with) everynight, and has become what I find uncomfortably close with two of them. A mixture of weird body tension occurs when we all hang out> and she has no problem being shockingly sexually oriented when around them. For instance, she posted pictures of a "friendly encounter"(3 guys,2 girls) in which she was seen seductively feeding her two female companions hot rice crispy treats with her bare hands, not to mention a marshmellow fight, which were placed down someone's pants and wrestled into someone else's mouth(boys vs girls). I began to grow jealous and confused as to why she would begin posting things up that would make me uneasy. Then she started leaving her one girlfriend, J, some suspicious notes baby, what are you doing tomorro? i miss you so much...we need to hang out STAT" and "I Need another girl's night with you!!!". She then began explaining to my face about how J was her best girlfriend, and about how she is "cute". (Not the first time using that ambiguous phrase to describe other females) All of this exhibited sexual energy, and I have to pray to make love to her twice a month? Something is definitly wrong, but she wont talk about it. I am scared that shes "getting to know" J behind my back, but doesn't want to end our relationship because she thinks I won't be able to handle it or she wants to use me for money. I know that she has made out with girls in the past, and calls all the ones she knows as "hot . The tides of confusion and jealousy are ripping me apart right now. PLEASE if you can think of explanations or help, offer away. I love her like the sun, but I can't let this be the end of me. how should I view these signs of distress? Why did everything change?

[Beaker5]

I don't think she's cheating with her girlfriend but she could quite possibly not want to be in the relationship anymore. Actually, with the way she's been treating you, she most likely doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore. Maybe it's because she's been hanging out with her friends more and is enjoying her freedom or maybe it is because she has found someone else. I would get out soon before she hurts you anymore. She's obviously immature and is being inconsiderate of your feelings. She may even be insecure and is treating you like crap to make herself feel better..who knows....

I don't know...I'm sure someone with more experience could give you better advice. good luck!

[Clementine orange]

Sounds like she wants out but doesn't have the "guts" to come out and say it. Sorry man. Once the the sex goes its a sign.

Hunker down for heartbreak. Sorry again dude.

[Scout]

Sounds like she wants out but doesn't have the "guts" to come out and say it.

 

I hate to say it, but I'm afraid this is what it sounds like to me, too. She's not treating you with much respect and interest, anymore, that's for sure. If I were you, I'd ask her flat out what she wants. No sense putting off this kind of talk, in my opinion, as hard as it may be to have.

[scarew]

This sounds exactly like me in a previous relationship. The sexual attraction between us was just gone (well it was for me). It was mostly because I grew into a different person and although I cared for him, he just wasn't right for me anymore. But I was in a comfortable state. I could flirt all I wanted with whoever, and he would never dare say anything, he just bottled it up. I agree with the others, this could be the beginning of the end for you two. If you want to try and save it, or at least confront it, I suggest you print off your post and speak every word of it to her (or something similar).

 

It sounds like she is avoiding confrontation if she isn't talking about it. Many people have a hard time naming their emotions. But you have to be blunt with her. Tell her that you are concerned that she might not be interested anymore because of she displays herself as a sexual person but it appears that she doesnt see you sexually anymore. Just tell her you don't want her stuck somewhere that she doesnt want to be, and similarily you don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is in it half heartedly, even though you care for her deeply.

 

Be a man. Show confidence, get this stuff out on the table before it just bottles up and continues for the next 3 years like mine did.

[Rabican]

Id simply tell her "It seems to be that you are a, taking me for granted, and b, dont really act like you want to be with me anymore so thereforeeee, we are finished" What the exact reasons are... I dunno. But she is sure giving you the short end of the stick... something you shouldnt put up with.

[TheFoglifter]

You could also respond in kind -- talking about girls you think are hot. As it stands right now, she seems to be able to do what she wants and you'll take it. The statement "once the sex is gone, the relationship is over" is more true at your age than it is later in life -- trust me, there will be PLENTY of time for sexless but loving relationships when you are out of college.

 

Granted, that last semester of high school is quite a tough (read: intense) time. You are at the top of the food chain, college applications have all been sent out, but the end is near and soon everything you have known for the last however many years will never be the same again.

 

Still though, maybe just send her a text message "its over" and enjoy the same freedoms she has been taking.

[ghost69]

well, she is a senior in high school. she probably wants to experience it single or with people in her class.

[nctxtd]

thanks a lot to everyone who has posted, your advice is really helping me see what I didn't want to. I totally understand the appeal of experiencing your "senior year" with your friends, but I find a problem in the fact that I kept the relationship during mine. That being the fact, I'm going to tell her what I think shes telling me with her body language, how I can understand and respect her decision to take freedom if that is her choice, and listen and hope for an honest and straightforward answer about what it will take to make her happy. If she can't be open and honest as to why shes unhappy, then I'll probably suggest a "tie-free" break to sort out the pieces. Before I heard you're inputs, I always felt like I was doing something wrong, but maybe I'm realizing that it's just a natural cycle of learning relationships, and I should try not to be extremely hurt from it. I think ultimately, we will break up or heal when we can be honest with each other, and I hope im strong enough to do whats best for both of us

[ghost69]

best bet is when she is in college she will look to be with you again. if it is strong enough if you do split up. you are both young. you should experience college. there is a lot there for you.

[scarew]

Nctxtd,

 

It sounds like you have a clear picture of what you need to do and I think you are handeling it well. Just be strong. Don't be a pushover, and remember your values. Good luck

[ghost69]

this actually happened to me as well. but it was me that wanted to split after i got into college. we still remained friends and realized that we weren't in love and that we were both young and thought we were in love. at the time, it seemed that we were though.