astaro Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 split up with my girl 3 weeks ago (obviously not enough time yet). i constantly miss her, think about her, think about what went wrong, and what could be changed to fix the situation. a week ago i realised that one of the main communication problems we had was my fault, i was reading through a psychological evaluation of myself that was done 10 years ago and one of the things that struck me was the fact that in my mother language i seem to have a problem with remembering the right word for a given situation and using one that is less appropriate for the given situation. my ex has a very high linguistic level and it generated a situation in which we where talking but never really understood each other because our perception of the meaning of certain words was different (her perception was the right one mostly). this probably comes from the fact that as a small child we moved to the US for a couple of years and my parents wanted me to keep my high level of English, so all my books/tapes/videos where in English and the only time i spoke my mothers tongue was in school, from 11 and on my best friend was also an English speaker and since we both felt more comfortable in English that is the language i used on a more intense level, having Internet probably aggravated the problem. i would say i do about 95% of my reading/writing in English and even when speaking Hebrew i will throw in an English word every now and then when i cant find the right word in Hebrew. problem is her English isn't very good so i have to communicate in Hebrew when talking to her. in addition i am coming to grips with the fact that i don't know how to be supportive. probably comes from the fact i have been "on my own" emotionally since i can remember. i don't know how to ask for support and i don't know how to appreciate it when i get it. the only times i really feel the benefits of support is when i totally brake down. generally when some one is hurting and talks to me they will get my opinions and not compassion. i seem incapable of just offering a hug and some comforting words to people, which is often what they need. a lot of times people don't want to hear what they should do to start working through their problems, often times they just want a hug and i don't seem to know how to provide that (this probably strikes some of you as very odd). we spent at least 50% of our entire relationship struggling to make it work, which is probably the main reason i left, i was exhausted of struggling with the relationship and never really seeing any results. my main issues with her are most likely her neediness and clingyness. i want to be with someone that is independent. i want to be with someone who is with me because they want to be and not because they need to be. i guess what i am getting at is i miss her and i suspect that without the above issues we might have been able to work through things. now that i am aware of my own problems maybe this could still be salvaged. i just don't know how long i should wait, and i am not sure weather this is me rationalizing my pain or if i truly am onto something, and even if i am, how do i know if its really her that i want or if its my fear of being alone raising its ugly head? i think i should wait at least a month and keep my distance from her, perspective is so problematic after just three weeks, having a hard time trusting my thoughts because they change so rapidly. i guess all i can really do now is wait, keep as LC as i can with her and see what time brings. Quote Link to comment
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