fiftylager Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 I haven't been happy for so long. My hubby (common law)and I have been together for 9 years ( I am 29). I got pg 3 months into our relationship and have basically felt stuck since then. He's not really a bad husband but a very selfish one. He does what he wants when he wants to. Although, he does drink too much. Not quite an alcoholic but the makings of one. I would leave but there are many complications. First off, I haven't worked in 9 years. I am completely dependent on him. We have 2 kids ages 6 and 8. Three years ago we relocated 5 hours away. I did this for him hoping that he and I would be happier. He's always wanted to live in Northern Ontario and I thought if he was happy I'd be happier. I'm not happier but he is just living it up and is always off fishing or hunting, visiting friends, etc. I have talked to him about this but it is a moot point. He tells me he just has to be in the outdoors. He is like talking to a brick wall. I am very lonely and isolated here. This is a very small area with all his family around. I miss my family and worry if I leave that he will be able to stop me legally from moving back down south to my family. If I had to stay here I don't know how I'd do it. There are very little possibilities for employment and I have no family or friends up here. Another biggie and please don't jump to conclusions that I am a bad person for this. I was diagnosed with bipolar. I am not a serious case. I don't have serious mania or delusions, etc. I am not a risk to myself or anyone else. Basically when I have an episode I am filled with intense fear and agitation. I also suffer from anxiety and mild depression. However since being on medication I am doing very well. I had one episode that only lasted a few days and wasn't very severe. I am a good mother and have always taken good care of my kids. My husband has never hesitated on taking off even when I'm at my worst mentally. But if I leave him I fear he will try to get custody of the kids due to my illness. This would be ridiculous because I have been the one who takes care of them and he has very little patience with them. He has said if we would ever split he wouldn't want to be a single dad but seperations can get ugly. He has said he would keep our son and I could have our daughter but that is out of the question to me. I could not be without my kids. I also worry because we do have investments but they are all in his name. Our investor is his grandparents friend and I have told her repeatedly that they need to be in both our names. She just keeps putting it off. I also don't want to make hubby suspicious by constantly harping about this. If I leave he can take all that money and I'd have nothing. We don't own a house so there is nothing financially there for me. He makes very little money. It's fine up for up here but down south it's more expensive. Most importantly I love my kids soooo much and hate to do this to them. My son is very attached to his dad and they do a lot of guy things together. It would break his heart. I think my daughter would be a little more resiliant about it. I don't want my son to hate me, or be very unhappy. I hate to see him have to go through a 5 hour drive every other weekend to see dad. Although hubby does have his parents down south and he could stay with them. I am so torn but soooo unhappy. Now that I am on medication I am feeling better mentally and it has opened my eyes as to how miserable I am in my relationship. I was so filled with anxiety and dread that I couldn't even think about it. Now that I am stable it's all that I think about. Also I no longer trust my husband. Last summer he kissed my best friend and the only reason I found out is that her husband found out. I know he did have feelings for her and probably still does. He thinks I should just get over it but I can't. Even if I wasn't in love I had security that he wouldn't stray. That is over now. He is also very flirtatious with other women. I love him but not in love. I don't want to even have a physical relationship with him. I really dread intimacy with him. Honestly I want to be free but don't know how to do it without all the complications and pain. I fear losing my kids, being broke, and hurting my kids. I'm just so lost. Thank you all for reading and I am sorry it was sooo long. My family supports me in leaving him but I feel bad for unloading on them all the time. Crystal Quote Link to comment
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