My Waning Sex-Drive, or....

[TristanM1]

Hey guys,

 

Noticed that through my 1yr+ relationship with my g/f my sex drive just isn't what it used to be. At first of course we were like bunny rabbits -- at least once a day -- now it's only every few days or twice a week. Problem is, almost always she's the one to initiate. Well, we broke up in November, then got back together in January and for a while we were rabbits again, but now it's back to the same. I wonder why that is with me. I should mention that when we do have sex, it's great.

 

I've taken a hard look at how I am and how I feel about her. Physically she is GORGEOUS...absolutely everything I want physically in a woman, so no problems there. Problem is I wonder if I'm just turned off mentally and/or emotionally which is resulting in my diminishing libido. Unfortunately due to circumstances beyond my control, she is very needy & clingy and needs to constantly feel loved and needs a lot of reassurance. Frankly I'm smothered. I have also come to the realization that although she's gorgeous as well as a very deep abstract thinker & writer, she really doesn't stimulate me much intellectually...I can't really talk about the world around us outside of the most abstract, existential terms and even then not for any long period of time. So I wonder if the possibility of my libido waning is somehow connected to not being as "turned on" to her mentally as I hoped. Is there anything to this or am I just making excuses for myself? If so or otherwise, what can I do to increase my sexual desire for her...to wanna jump her bones just at the sight of her again?

 

Thanks!

T

[TheFoglifter]

If you are "only" having sex twice a week, you don't have a waning libido. You are getting exactly as much as you want. If you wanted more, you'd have more.

[Akatea]

Unfortuantely hun, you are experiencing what most couples do. I have been with my BF for three years now, and we were exactly the same. Bunny rabbits, then once or twice a week, we broke up and it went back to the bunnies again. Now its back to once or twice a week.

HOWEVER, this is perfectly normal. Unless you are feeling that you are no longer interested in her as a partner, best friend, lover, etc Not just on a sexual base. I heard on the radio today that a new study has come out on couples in my country (New Zealand) Only 6% of couples have sex everyday. And something like 56% of couples have sex once or twice a week. the other 38% have sex up to four times a week, so by those statistics, you can see that your situation is NOT that uncommon. Unless there are other reasons for you doubting your relationship, then you are fine sweet.

[astaro]

sounds to me like your using the sex title as an excuse for other problems in your relationship, i know i have done that in the past. you describe problems that are related to sex (yet could affect it).

 

you are describing relationship problems, if you feel like you cant talk to her about what you want to talk about then there is a communication problem there. she might be different, she might have different interests, she might have a different thought process.

[TristanM1]

I agree with what's been said so far, but the trouble is that she's frustrated over the "lack" of sex and the fact that she must almost always initiate. Yes, we are having other issues...and who knows...this might be a moot point sometime in the future.