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ugly spiteful thoughts

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im still not doing ok, im dying.


id NEVER kill myself - so please dont think that. AND DONT FREAK OUT...


but I have thought that that would be the only thing that would give me satisfaction. dying and leaving him the note that its BECAUSE OF HIM only him, and that he is responsible for a death. he would NEVER get over that. i dont want anything happy for him and i want to ruin every relationship he may have.




i did everything for him and was SO SO SO SO kind to him and put him first with EVERYTHING. i saw him in everything. yes, i got very frustrated at times and i did slap him remember... but that was only twice due to drunk fighting. I WAS so so so so so so so nice and loving. we were so loving. hands on all the time cuddling.


PLEASE this may sound disturbing - but i swear to god id never take my life - trust me.... its just these thoughts............

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Okay, so now you are fully aware of how you can be so, so, so, so, kind and put someone first with everything, and be so nice, loving.. so for today do this same thing for YOU, for YOURSELF.. forgive yourself, love yourself, be kind to yourself, put yourself first, and try to "let go" of what was an "unhealthy" relationship, even though you had "hopes and dreams" of what it "could be".... those dreams are still alive for YOU,, they are just not going to come through with "him"..... so gather up all your courage, try to work through your anger, forgive yourself, forgive him, (but don't forget) and use all the "energy you have pent up" and put it to making YOU better, your life better, take time to celebrate your independence.. it's a gift that you are no longer involved in a emotionally and physically unhealthy relationship... it's become an "emotionally unhealthy HABIT", so try not to confuse it with "love".. Love is kind, caring, mutual, respectful, no ego's, no power struggle, it's about respectful team effort, both people at their best selves encourage EACH OTHER to be the best they can in all they do in life... and you deserve this healthy kind of love, and it starts with trying to focus now on you, loving yourself.. letting go of the anger when you are ready to do so, and use that energy for YOU... in a positive way.

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i have had exactly the same thought trust me.


i thought,,,, i wil lkill myself n leave a note saying that if he hadnt dumped me then i wouldnt have done this. i felt like i wanted him to suffer te rest of his life for making me suffer while he is off out having a good time with friends


i think its normal to think things liek that.... though i wudnt do it either

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The best "revenge" so to speak, or I like to say the most "healing thing to do" is to get busy with improving your own life.. FATE has another plan in store for you, one that is better without the ex in your life... it's just hard to imagine "being happy" again, when our hearts are first broken, it's like each day is walking through emotional cement, but it builds your self confidence back, and you are strong, you have courage, you can get through all this, don't give him any more of your "thought energy".. he's no longer worthy of it, give all energy to YOURSELF, to YOUR healing, cry, deep breathe, cry, go for a walk, take up a hobby, get busy with YOURSELF... this "sadness" you are feeling now will subside, in time, and remember "In life heart break is inevitable, but "suffering for too long over it" is a choice".


At some point you will "choose" to "accept" that fate has another plan for you, and this guy will no longer have the emotional hold you are "allowing" him to have in your heart... it will pass.. it will.. sometimes in life we just have to be sad for awhile.. it's part of the journey, and after the rain, the sun comes out again.. it always does.. Hang in there, one day at a time, we are all here to listen and help you.. we've been there.. we've survived the heartache and thrived..... you will too.

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P.S. I remember when my therapist told me it would be healing to "pray for my ex and to let go".. so I did just that, I prayed he would go bald.... not quite the right type of prayer, but at the time, well, you know, it's normal to have "thoughts of them NOT being happy" but these thoughts are NOT healthy when they last too long or turn into behavior.. so just feel all your feelings, and know it's okay to have some "regrets" because regrets are healthy if we use them as life lessons, and learn from them, and move on to a better, healthier, happier YOU... and this can only be done by YOU for YOURSELF... you will heal, and his hair will fall out... (I hope that made you smile a bit)

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Blenders got some great words...I fully agree!

Also I wanted to add..hurting people hurt others....you're hurting & you want him to hurt too, that's understandble...not healthy, but totally normal..but now you have the choice - either waste away in bittness anger & sadness, or release it in a healthy way, talk it out, write it out...Than learn from it & use this to make you stronger & to drive you.

Keep in mind The best revenge is Success!

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"pray for my ex and to let go".. so I did just that, I prayed he would go bald....


ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha........


Que bueno!!!


gasp! I have to recover myself.... I do not pray but I will start immediately.


kiama, it would be a good revenge, but you will miss it so there is no point. This is just another fantasy. Beware of fantasies.

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thanks all. youre very kind.


picture frame of him - id prob hug it and cry but i am starting to try and forget him.


about 'the best revenge is success' i couldnt agree more. im thinking BIG but its all to get him back none the less.


i want to make lots of money. become a millionaire. that will surely make him think. i read somewhere here that a broken hearted woman suddenly discovered she was a millionaire. that is so so so lucky. and i will do it. im going to be stinking rich.... any ideas how guys?


see i have to do it.... its my only chance. i know money is not everything, but it does make life a lot easier. couldnt get by otherwise. it makes the world go buy. the more money you have the more control you have in general.


very random blab after all my other posts... this is how much sht is going through my head though!!!

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It's okay, it's normal and also healthy to have "big plans" because you deserve to have 'big plans for yourself".. and it starts with a "big emotional plan" to forgive yourself, love yourself, do well for YOU... so for today, set a goal, a small goal, whether it be dying your hair, or putting some extra money into your savings account, just do something for YOU. And if you do have anything of his, a great healing ritual is to go around the house gather any "reminders" put them all in a box, tape it up, put it in the back of your garage... and then light some "sage" in the house and burn a little bit of it... it will release any negative energy (that's what the mystics say, anyways) but any kind of healing, self empowering, nice and easy type of "letting go" in any symbolic way will help you to heal...


And remember YOU are choosing to no longer be in a relationship with anyone who is not willing to make a loving, kind, sincere, mature, healthy, honest, committed intentional effort to be in YOUR life... so dont' think of it as "him leaving you".. instead just know that YOU are worthy of a better relationship and if you have to experience some heartache over this guy to get to a better, more fulfilled, healthy, realistic, mature, non-violent, respectful love, then this "heartache" is all worth it...

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can you believe i actually have resorted to looking for spells! its the saddest thing i think ive ever done, but i actually am doing it, and im suddenly starting to believe in magic!


it is quite funny, last week i didnt believe in magic, this week im conjuring a planto put a spell on him. lol

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You are too cute

Okay honeslty....great idea! Look at the big picture. Make big dreams & find steps to achieve them. But keep in mind, that success & money. Aren't hand in hand. Decied what you believe to be successful & shot for that. Find what makes you happiest.


But for me, Success, was becomeing happy with myself & happy without him!

(my ex HATED that) later I became more stable.I got a decent home, stable life, good job & eventually a wonderful man.

My ex...HATED all of it. because none of those things he had. He's not happy, nor stable in a job or a home. Happiness he lacks most & wants most.He wants a good relationship, but isn't a happy person so he hasn't found one. He believes happiness comes with money and looking to get rich quick.

Happiness is within each of us, we must search ourselves to find it.

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