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[kevin_the_one]

Here Are 10 Strategies That Never Work – Yet People Always Try

1. The first is to give her reassurance. “I’ve changed. I won’t be controlling anymore. I won’t lie to you anymore. I won’t have another affair,” and so forth. The efforts to give her reassurance. This almost never works.

2. The second strategy is to tell her over and over again, “I love you.” That never works.

3. Third is the use of prayer and hope, which is basically wishful thinking. Robert Ringer talks about wishful thinking in his book Winning Through Intimidation. He was in big commercial real estate, barely getting by financially. And then he discovered he was doing wishful thinking, so he switched over to doing reality thinking. In less than one year, he

made over $800,000 in brokerage fees.

4. The fourth strategy is arguing, reasoning, trying to talk her into feeling different or doing different. That never works.

5. The fifth strategy is recruiting others, trying to get others to side with us. That always boomerangs.

6. Acting depressed. Now, sometimes that might work temporarily through getting her to feel guilty or afraid of what we’re going to do. But it increases her motivation to get away from us. I had a man who attempted suicide twice before he heard about me and called me. He ended up in the hospital. I don’t even think she went to the hospital. But they’re back together and happy now. His acting depressed didn’t help very much.

7. Using the kids. That’s kind of like recruiting others. That always boomerangs.

8. Blaming and using moral pressure. One psychologist says, “The essense of mental disturbance can be put in one word: blaming.” Never works. It works negatively.

9. Pessimism. We become addicted to our pessimism. “I know I can’t win. You don’t know my wife. She’s very stubborn. She never changes her mind.” I say, “Never? About anything?” “Well, maybe about minor things, but not things this important.” I said, “Well, I think it’s about something this important is precisely what she has changed her mind about. She originally said she was going to stay with you and love you forever. And now, she can’t stand you. So obviously, she’s changed her mind. So obviously, she does change her mind.” But people fall in love with pessimism. That’s one of the strategies.

10. Exaggeration. One psychologist says, “The essense of mental disturbance can be put in one word: blaming.” I say the essense of mental disturbance can be put in one word: exaggerating. We exaggerate the good, and we exaggerate the bad. All of these strategies are very human. This list almost exhausts the strategies that people use. These strategies always backfire. Now, how are we going to win against the competition of other people and her negative feelings and our addiction to these strategies and our addiction to self-pity?

[melrich]

Yep, totally agree with all of those.

[bacci]

Absolutely, on all counts.