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I Cheated....a long story


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I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years, since i was 14, im 21 now. we have always had a good relationship. He's definitely the sweetest most thoughtful guy iv ever known. The few kinks we had in our relationship were able to be worked out, except sex. not to sex we have a bad sex life, its just that i never want to have sex, maybe once a few weeks. when we do its ok, but im never really into it. i dont feel an amazing sexual connection like the movies but i figured its normal. maybe i have a low sex drive. ive even researched this topic. we have tried so many different things to try to improve things and my boyfriend is very dedicated to pleasing me. its just that it never changes


that being said, 2 months ago i was hanging out at a girlfriends house for a little get together. we were all drinking with people from work, mostly who are in relationships themselves. long story short i made out with one of my co-workers (who is also in a 3 yr. relationship). it was completely exhilerating! the sexual chemistry was explosive! we had never done anything like that and i never saw it coming. after that night we started talking and we both felt that we had alot of chemistry(sexually). against my better judgement i continued to see him. we were able to get away for the weekend a few times. went to boston, jersey, upstate (i live in NY) and we have the most amazing sex!


after doing this for a month i decided to leave my bf (not telling him i cheated) he diddnt take it well. i diddnt leave him because i diddnt love him anymore, but because i diddnt want to live the lie. i dont deserve someone like him. i also feel like im starting to care for him more like a friend. basically he was hysterical and unstable...we live together so i have nowhere to go. everything was so hard and painfull, i felt guilty and depressed and afer a week i decided that if i was feeling this bad maybe i did still love him in that way. i decided to give it another go. my co-worker also decided to try things again with his girl. (he broke up with her)


after a few weeks we started back at it again. the attraction is out of controll! (my co-worker) now i dont think i want a relationship with him. i dont trust him for some reason. but i want to get out of my current relationship and i dont know how. it kills me to see my bf so hurt, and i dont have anywhere to live if i leave. we cant break up and live together because i kno it will never work. im so clueless so i have a few questions...


why couldnt i have this kind of chemistry with my bf?

if i dont is it because i dont love him that way?

how can i leave? im scared cause hes all ive ever known, and i dont know how to do it. leaving him is such a life altering event, im loosing my best friend and my home. (also keep in mind im not leaving him for my co-worker)

anyone have an exit stratigy?

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OK, so it's pretty obvious that whether or not you want to pursue the co worker in an honest way, you should definitely end things with your boyfriend because neither of you is happy and he does not deserve to be cheated on.


So, you have to figure out a place to live. Do you have parents that live nearby that you can stay with? How about a friend?


If not, start looking at ads for a room mate situation or a room for rent, because you need to get out of that apt.

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I wonder if the amazing sex you had has more to do with the excitement of an illicit relationship rather than actual solid chemistry with that guy. Of course you don't trust him....he cheated on his girlfriend. But remember, you cheated on your boyfriend so that puts you in the same league of trustworthiness as this other guy. Doesn't matter that you both eventually broke off your relationships, you both still cheated and have not come clean to your respective partners.


You get out of your current relationship by telling your "boyfriend" that things are no longer working for you with him and you don't want to be together anymore. Yes, you do have a place to live...you get yourself an apartment. You are both young and have been together for a long time, that is probably why the chemistry is no longer there. At 21 it is now time to take the plunge and live life on your own without backup. You can make it on your own and you owe it to yourself, for your own self-growth, to start becoming your own person. He may be hurt for awhile, but he is young and will find someone else, as will you.

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Also, I have a feeling you don't trust the other guy because your relationship is based on lies, he lies to his g/f to see you so you know he is more than capable of cheating, and if he does it with you, he has no qualms about doing it to you.

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