Giving her some time to think....

[AlexFG]

Hi everyone, i've been in a serious relationship with my girlfriend for more than 10 months already. i was 17 and she was 15 when we started so we're pretty young and inexperienced. This has been the first serious relationship for both of us in our lives; eventhough i did date some girls before i met her.

Needless to say, it has been a great experience until now. She's the most caring and sweet girl i've ever met. She's always kissing me, complimenting me and overall she makes me feel appretiated and loved. When i met her, i only saw her as a friend and somehow that friendship developed into a love relationship- a really good and unique one. We started very slow and didnt have sex until about six months ago. We were both virgins eventhough she thought i was not. I used to make her body vibrate every time i touched her skin, she'd blush and giggle all the time and it was clear to me that she enjoyed everything i did to her. However last week on saturday we had an small argument but it was nothing so we tried to forget about it and have sex. After a few minutes i decided to stop because i noticed she was not enjoying it as much and she also said that she felt some pain in her ovaries and was worried about getting pregnant etc. We talked about it afterwards cuz i suspected something was wrong; but we concluded that we just killed the mood with the argument and it was nothing serious. We talked on the phone every day and we sent text messages to each other a lot during the following days as usual. When i went to see her again on thursday i noticed she was kinda different and at the end of the night she didnt even try to initiate sex by kissing me or teasing like she always does. But it was late and we had to go to school on friday so i didnt pay as much attention to it. On friday night though, we went to my best friend's house and we had sex there. However it wasnt as intense as usual and on the way back to her house she was kinda different too,so when i got home after i dropped her off at her house i sent her a text message asking if something was wrong but she said no. Yesterday i picked her up and went to have dinner at a local restaurant. Afterwards we walked around a park a little bit and then i drove her back home. When we got there we started talking and then we started kissing, i began to smell her neck and a few other things that used to get her turned on. But as she was getting turned on she stopped, opened my cellphone and started checking my text messages. She saw a message from one of my female friends but it wasnt anything that would bother her. This time i decided to confront her and i asked her what the hell was going on. At the beginning she said it was nothing but i kept insisting until she told me that her sexual desire is not as high as it used to be before, that lately she doesnt feel like having sex. I started to get worried cuz at that point there was something definatelly wrong. I asked her if she knew why that was happening but she said she was confused and that she couldnt explain it. She said that she only feels that way when it comes to having sex. I told her that i was gonna give her some time to think about it and find out what was wrong, during that time i wont call her neither will i try to initiate any other type of communication or answer her calls until she knew what was happening. She was crying the whole time and saying that she didnt wanna lose me, but i convinced her that taking some time off was the best solution. We promised each other that during that time we were gonna be fine and that taking time off didnt mean i was gonna start dating other girls or anything like that. i told her that she had to be completely honest with herself and if she didnt feel the same way anymore about our relationship in general she had to tell me so we can try to work through it or even break up if it was too late. Cuz if i cant make her happy anymore then there is no point in being together. As much as i love her im willing to let her go. It's gonna be hard for me cuz i've taken her to every single place in this city. Everywhere i go i remember her but if it needs to be done i'll do it. I talked to one of my older friends and he said that i did the right thing by giving her some time off to miss me, that will make her realize how much i really mean to her. I believe that maybe the decrease in sexual desire is because having sex has become kind of a routine. We do it most of the time in the car or when we're at the house we're always worried that we might get caught by our parents etc. I've felt like that before but i always tried to please her, so i never said no. It's either that or maybe she found someone else, or maybe i've killed all the attraction she felt towards me by being too nice; i dont really know. I'm preparing myself psychologically for the worst; but i would hate to lose her cuz i love her and all this time she has demonstrated that she loves me too. So i'd like to get some opinions especially from girls. I wanna know if im doing the right thing.

 

Thx in advance.

 

BTW sorry i made it so long but i wanted to give as many details as possible.

[redrose85]

Sometimes the excitement just fades. My bf and I went through the same kind of period where I started having weird pains and was really frightened about getting pregnant, especially after we had a condom break. If she is on the pill, that can affect sex drive immensely and if she is unhappy with her body and is thinking of it negatively during sex and worrying about what could happen, she's not going to be able to enjoy it. A lot of women are like that. As well, you say that you started slow, but 4 months in to a relationship when you're (she's) only 15 is not really all that slow. That's just my thought on that, and it could be that reality is starting to hit, and she may even feel a bit pressured. You definitely don't sound like the kind of guy who would pressure her into sex, but at this point, she may feel like it's expected of her. Also, because you guys are having to sneak around, she may feel guilty about lying to her parents, and your parents. So, there is a whole host of things that could be going on in her head right now. I suggest that rather than you guys taking a break, work on it together, talk it out, and get inside her head, because chances are, she is feeling some guilt, fear, worry, pressure, etc... and doesn't quite know WHY she is feeling all those things. I hope I'm not completely off the mark, and I hope I helped you some. The major thing in a relationship is communication. you guys are a pair, and it doesn't make sense to split up now, unless she is no longer in love with you, and it doesn't really sound like that's the case.

[AlexFG]

Thanks for answering. I really appretiate it. You are right, she's the kind of person that worries a lot about things. A couple weeks ago the condom we were using broke and she freaked out so one of her older girl friends got her the plan b pill. Maybe she's experiencing the side effects now. I didnt put any pressure on her when we started having sex but maybe i did do it indirectly cuz she once told me that she was afraid that i'd have sex with some other girl because she wasnt ready to do it yet and she started to cry. She also started going to the gym a few weeks ago, cuz she believes she's overweight and she's not i've told her she looks great but still. Excitement does fade off but love does not fade as fast and communication between the two of us has been pretty good all this time. I've always told her that she can talk to me about anything but all i ask from her is to be honest with me. If she still loves me im willing to work through this with her. If it's over then i guess i'll just have to move on. We agreed to see each other next friday cuz it's my birthday and she said that she wanted to be with me that day so hopefully she'll have some answers by then.

[redrose85]

She sounds a lot like me in some ways, in that I think and worry too much. I'm guessing you're the opposite lol. Let me tell you, those emergency pills suck. Plan B I heard isn't as bad, but basically it loads you up with hormones to prevent pregnancy. It sucks. I took one different from plan B, and I was sick for close to two days. After that I wasn't exactly raring to go again. But, we talked through it and little by little he helped me get over those fears. It sounds more like she is pressuring herself. Just be there for her, reassure her that you love her and only want her to be happy, and that sex is not the most important thing. Of course, you have to mean it, and you are 17 after all haha. When it comes down to it, she may just not be mature enough for sex after all, and that is perfectly okay.

[AlexFG]

Yeah, im a very laid back guy; im always telling her to relax. I always try not to worry about small things, but when it comes to my relationship with her i pay attention to every single detail. I know if something is wrong or different just by looking at her.After she took that pill i promised i was gonna buy her the regular pills, that way she wouldnt have to worry about getting pregnant if the condom broke again and on top of that, i was afraid that the plan b pill would hurt her in some way. I've always tried to protect her and i will keep doing so as long as she's with me cuz i love her. I know that maybe all of this is happening cuz having sex and even our relationship has become a routine and nothing is new or special like it was at the beginning and i need to spice things up again. But i believe that in every long term relationship couples have to adapt to some kind of routine cuz even though i try to go to new places and experience new things all the time; it's impossible to do something new every day i go see her. I thought that if we loved each other the way we do or did, everything was gonna be fine. That's why i changed the "i dont give a crap attitude" and that's why i stopped talking to other girls. Right now im starting to think that maybe i killed the attraction that drew her to me at the beginning; by sticking to a routine i guess i became boring and predictable. i really dont know what to think at this point. She hasnt contacted me since the last time we talked on saturday night. Even though i told her not to call me until she knew what she's feeling, i feel weird every time i open my cell phone and there are no messages or missed calls from her. She usually texts me and calls frequently throughout the day, so i feel like something is missing. I decided im gonna give her time to think and i'll wait for her to get in touch with me, cuz her feelings are beyond my control, so that's something she'll have to figure out on her own. I reassured her that night, that i loved her and wanted her to be happy. If she still loves me i'll help her overcome any problems she might have and i'll start making our relationship more fun by all means. However if she doesnt feel the same way about me anymore then i guess i'll have to move on and start dating other girls.

[wordup8]

"I decided im gonna give her time to think and i'll wait for her to get in touch with me, cuz her feelings are beyond my control, so that's something she'll have to figure out on her own."

 

That is so true and I am glad you know that. Sometimes it is better not to force things... as much as you may want to ...

let things happen... and if things work out ...Awesome!!

if not, as crappy as it may be, there is always something to be learned and try not to think of the negatives, but remember the positives.

I am in sort of a situation like yours, so don't feel like you're alone.

I hope everything works out for the best for you.

[AlexFG]

Thanks for the advise man. You know the funny thing is that at the beginning of the relationship i did not give a damn if she felt something for me or not. I had a few other girls on hold, but as i started falling for her i dished all the other girls and put all my attention and time on my gf. i tried to be the best boyfriend she could ever had.Then i started taking her to every single place i know around the city and she became very important to me. Now, just the thought of losing her makes me feel like . If things dont work out this time i wont let myself become so attached to anybody in the future. I've become vulnerable, and next time i wont let anybody affect the way i feel, cuz it sucks. I guess we do have to be players for life cuz if we dont play them they will play us. im gonna give her a couple days to figure out what the hell it is that she wants, cuz that night she was crying and saying that she didnt wanna lose me and stuff like that. So if she doesnt have any answers by friday, i'll start moving on. Cuz right now i dont know where i'm standing.

[Dilly]

"I decided im gonna give her time to think and i'll wait for her to get in touch with me, cuz her feelings are beyond my control, so that's something she'll have to figure out on her own."

 

That is so true and I am glad you know that. Sometimes it is better not to force things... as much as you may want to ...

let things happen... and if things work out ...Awesome!!

if not, as crappy as it may be, there is always something to be learned and try not to think of the negatives, but remember the positives.

I am in sort of a situation like yours, so don't feel like you're alone.

I hope everything works out for the best for you.

 

 

You're pretty wise wordup8. Keep it up.

[AlexFG]

Ok.......right now im the one who's getting confused. I didnt call her or anything since saturday. However on tuesday afternoon she sent me a text message asking me how i was doing. I told her that i was not feeling too good cuz i was sick with the flu but everything else was fine. Her reply made me think that she was kinda depressed so i decided to call her as i was leaving to work and i talked to her for a few minutes. She said that she couldnt hold it anymore and she felt she had to contact me to know how i was doing. She also said that she's going through a tough time; that she's been thinking a lot about what happened and she can barely sleep at night. It's obvious that her feelings for me are not gone yet. However i believe there is something or "Someone" that's making her doubt her feelings towards me, cuz she said that she still doesnt know what it is. A few hours later she sent me another text message to tell me she had gone to the dentist, but i was very brief with my reply and i just told her to go to bed and get some sleep. She replied saying that my message had been too brief but she understood why i was acting that way. Almost two hours later i sent her another text message telling her that i was just giving her the time she needed to find out what it is that's making her have doubts about her feelings. She answered back saying that it's not that she doubts it but she didnt feel the same way that day when we tried to have sex and she doesnt know why. She also said that she feels terrible, cuz she doesnt want me to feel bad. I told her that we dont have any control over our feelings. That i just want her to find out what's wrong and that i dont want to put any pressure on her or make her feel guilty for what's happening to us; that i just wanted her to be sure about her feelings when the time to talk arrives. I dont really know what to do. i dont know if i should break up with her and move on or stay in this relationship and try to fix things. What do you guys think? im very confused now.

[wordup8]

Hmmm. Now you have to think about is this worth it.

It seems like the "infatuation" stage is starting to melt away.

If she really fels the way you think she feels about you, she would want to stick around IMO.

[AlexFG]

Hey man how is it going?

 

what did you mean by "if she really feels the way you think she feels about you, she would want to stick around IMO."????

 

I've been thinking about all this and i realized that; i dont wanna be with a person that doesnt feel the same way about me. Even though i love her, I'm willing to walk away if things are not working out between us. I understand that nothing lasts forever, everything that has a beginning also has an end- even love. However i dont wanna give up until i know for sure that it's a lost cause and there's no more love in our relationship. I'm a good looking guy, i drive a nice car and im not rich but i have enough money to do and have the things i want. I can have another girl in a minute. But the funny thing is that i dont want any other girl right now. She means a lot to me and she always has demonstrated the same feelings towards me. that's why i dont wanna give up without a fight.