I guess i made the right desicion

[DizzyDoris]

A few weeks ago i split up with my boyfriend, we had a lot of history together (known each other 10 years+) we had been in no contact up until this weekend. I had been having serious doubts about wether we should have split up, if i was too hasty, should we try again? etc.

 

I have thought about him every day, everything reminds me of him, songs on the radio, things at work (we both have the same career!) just everything triggers memories and although i was seriously considering getting back together, i never contacted him.

 

Last night i received an email from him, telling me he loves me and misses me so much. I was sooo happy to read that. I replied this morning telling him i missed him too and maybe i was hasty in the way things ended but im soo confused right now, my heads a mess.

 

Then i get one back saying he was drunk last night and hopes we can be friends, he hasnt called because he deleted my number, but if ever i want no strings sex to give him a call!!!!

 

Needless to say i havent replied to that, and dont intend to. The thing that gets me is we havent spoken face to face, or over the telephone, about any of this (the whole breakup) It was all done over emails and txt messages, yet he lives 5 mins away from me!! Im 27 and he's mid 30's for gawds sake, its ridiculous!

 

I guess i feel a bit better now because my doubts have gone and i guess i DID make the right desicion.....ok rant over now.....

[Batya33]

I am sorry he was so crude. How often did he get drunk when you dated?

[Mavis VDSande]

Good for you! Never reply to such a naff email. After all you've been through and he asked to have casual sex?!

 

But then, why are you posting this in "getting back together"? Do you feel that you made the wrong decision, or is this a warning to us who are clouded and "believe" that we want to be back with our exes?

 

 

[DizzyDoris]

Bataya he got drunk every weekend, which wasnt really an issue to me, I enjoy a social drink myself. He works hard and thats how he chooses to unwind at the weekend. The problem i had was his abusive behaviour when drunk, which made me call things off. I only saw this behaviour once, but it was enough to put me off! I was having doubts thinking it was just one mistake,i was too hasty, maybe we can fix things.

 

Mavis i dont know why i posted it in this section lol I was just having a rant!

I was seriously considering trying to sort things out with him until that last email i received. That makes me mad too...email. Big red flag in my books. I want a man who has the balls to speak to me, he's had all this time (if he loves and misses me so much) to pick up a phone or better still knock on my door and tell me that in person!

 

I guess im relieved now and can move on properly. No more what ifs, we werent meant to be end of! If he wants a f*** buddy good luck to him, it wont be me though thats for sure.

[Batya33]

Since when is getting drunk every weekend "social" drinking or getting drunk every weekend to "wind down" normal behavior - particularly when it leads to abusive behavior. Sounds like you were dating someone with a serious drinking problem if not a full blown alcoholic. Lucky you for getting out of that relationship and I hope the next person is not like that.

[DizzyDoris]

Aha i suppose it does sound bad, but over here in the uk its the norm im afraid! He doesnt drink in the week, just likes to go out with his mates on a saturday. I think the terms binge drinking? He's not an alcoholic though and yeah i guess im best off out of this one.

[Batya33]

I'm not saying this to be "right" - it might be the "norm" around his friends but it is normal for people with drinking problems to hang out with others who do. Binge drinking once a week or even once a month is not normal - and my concern is that you will meet another guy with a drinking problem and be left wondering why it didn't work out.

 

And ps I know and have known of many in the UK and it's no more "normal" to binge drink than it is in the major US city I live in - there is lots of partying, drinking, taking drugs but to call it "normal" as far as whether it's a drinking problem is confusing "normal" with "typical."

[houdini]

I just read your post and you have 10yrs with your mate. You were the one who broke up with him meaning you did not want him anymore and thereforeeee sending him on his way rejected by someone he loved. As man myself and in the same situation as him, it is a tough feeling to deal with and we upset,angry,bitter,hurt,depressed (just to name a few). Why would it be his responsibility to contact YOU if you were the one to end things with him? He has respected your wishes to end things and is living his life I assume.

 

I understand you want a man who has the balls to speak to me, he's had all this time (if he loves and misses me so much) to pick up a phone or better still knock on my door and tell me that in person But what gives him that right after you clearly stated you do not want him anymore.

 

I do not agree with his way of handling the email situation and I sympathize with you on how rude he was to you. If he did love you like he said he did, he'd put aside his anger and would have sent a more pleseant email to you.

 

I hope this response does not come off rude but I was just wondering how a dumper would expect the dumpee to be contacting them after a breakup. I feel this is probably the same way my ex is thinking right now because of how stubborn and hard headed she is. I hope your ex matures enough to talk to you in a civil and loving way if he indeed truly loves you...

 

Best wishes!

Houdini

[DizzyDoris]

Aaah Houdini, thankyou for giving me a male perspective. I guess i never thought of things from his point of view. The reason we split up was because he showed me a side i didnt like when he was drunk. He lives in the same town as me, so i cant get my head around the fact he has not been to see me in person to apologise or even spoken to me on the phone. I tried to call him but he wouldnt pick up, so the only communication we have had has all been done via text messaging and emails, which is just ridiculous for two fully grown adults!!

 

I guess i was expecting a fairytale ending where he would come round, apologise, kiss me to death and everything would be alright!! Had he done this within the first couple of days, we probably could have worked things out. I guess i have been stubborn and hardheaded like your ex, but i feel he was the one in the wrong and that is why i have expected him to make the effort. But emails are impersonal to me and just dont cut it, and the suggestion of calling him for no strings sex says it all really, sex is all he probably ever wanted from me. Sorry if im coming accross as a spoilt brat here lol!

 

And Bataya33... okay hands up, fair do's i WAS confusing "normal" with "typical".