loverallalone Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 Ever since I could remember, I dreamed of that fairy tale prince.. that fairy tale romance. but now at age 21, it doesn't look like I'll ever have that fairytale. I never had a boyfriend, nor have I ever had my first kiss in my entire life. It's the same old story really. 8th grade. no one (except for the 3 year crush who never liked me like that). "Well, I'll definitely find someone in highschool for sure," I thought. High school came and went with the many, many one-sided infatuations. senior year. still no one. "Well, all I need is a change of location. I'll surely find someone at college (out of state too!)" I thought. But even now, senior year of college.. still no one. I've loved in college. I can definitely tell you that. It was one-sided. But it was real. And it hurt. I've followed my passions. I've gone out and made a fair share of friends. I've developed my talents. I've been involved. I'm a good person. I have a lot going for myself.. and I have soooo much left to accomplish in life. I don't want to be too dependent or tied down to anything .. I want to live my life according to my terms. I can't wait for anybody to "complete me".. I complete myself !! I've seen my friends in bad relationships. I've heard it all before. They tell me that its better to be alone, then to go through all the pains of neglectful/deceitful/bad boyfriends. I will be the "lucky" one who find someone. My first, according to them, will be nothing short of amazing. I've heard it over and over again. But they're all excuses to ease the pain and to cover up the fact that I AM SCARED I will go through life.. alone. I'd rather trade one moment of being in a two-sided love (that may not last, "it's better to have loved and lost" as they say).. then a lifetime alone full of one-sided loves. ONE moment -- is that too much to ask? Then there's the excuse I constantly tell myself.. I am too good for any of the guys I've met out there. I don't want to be easy. I don't want the one night stands. I don't just want a whatever relationship. I want something real. And if real means waiting forever.. then I'll wait. Hell, might as well be a good relationship since I've waited this long without cashing in for a less meaningful relationship, right?! Excuses. All excuses. Those excuses don't cut it.. especially when I'm in my dorm on a Saturday night.. feeling sorry for myself. And wondering.. if I'm such a good person with so much going for me in life.. then why am I alone? Why is it that everyone out there is finding someone? Or someone is finding them? However way you look at it.. people are going places with their significant others. They are on chapter 10 or so of their love stories (multiple love stories I might add).. while I am still writing the damn epilogue in my own fairytale. And I'm not saying I have high standards or something. I know love isn't perfect. I know my potential boyfriend doesn't have to be either. Give me a good mix of personality and style .. and I'll be hooked. Seems like I am always the one chasing.. and never the one being chased. And we all know that it never works when the girl chases the guy. I mean, fine. Maybe I could try harder to put myself out there. But c'mon I know plenty who "happened" to be at the right place or time.. and found someone. All I want is one chance.. one opportunity. Why won't a guy just.. look at me and give me an opportunity? Is society so superficial?? Am I that so ugly that my drive and passions can't make up for it? And no one tell me the old saying.. "how can anyone love you if you don't love yourself?" I've heard it.. and told myself that a million times. That's the one biggest load of bs I've ever heard of.. the biggest excuse you can tell yourself so that you feel better about being single. I mean.. there's a lot of people who don't love themselves out there, but grow to love themselves when someone comes along and loves them. I mean, am I not good enough to be loved just because I don't love myself? Someone tell me something new out there.. cause it's getting far too lonely. And while I don't want any guy to define me.. it would be nice to have someone there for the support.. someone who puts me in the center of their universe. Maybe I should just give up.. loverallalone* (username based on clay aiken's song "lover all alone" definitely described my current mood) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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