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i only got two responses from my post 'help me please'....


please dont mnd me i just have to let it all out


this is how BAD i feel and how much i think everything is MY fault.... im so scared to just tell him things... once apon a time we went out fell out went home. he pissed me off for some reason... and he just walked out the house, so i followed him... ranting....


he said something and i gave him a slap.....not even a slap.. it was like with the back of my hand and all floppy like... not WACK. next thing he pushed me so hard i fell over, then he started kicking me while i was down on the grounnd.


a group of people saw this and the guys in the group came over - by now i was up again, and REALLY pissed off with the b.f - but anyway, the group had seen this and decided he was an .... and a couple of guys ended up punching my man.


and when i saw that he got punched, i was so scared.... he hit the floor like a ton o bricks.... i forgot about him kicking me etc, and just wanted to help him.... and i got him home and nursed him and his bleeding face...


im always putting him first... even though he is NOT always perfect... so why wont he give me a chance.. ? i am so torn by this.

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Go back and re-read your post. There are a lot of helpful answers from what you have just written.

My question is why do you let him walk all over you? Realize that although you love him, you deserve to be loved too. If things arent going his way maybe thats too bad, he needs to learn to comparise because believe or not relatiosionships are a two way street.

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There is no good, healthy, mature, respectful or loving reason for YOU to stay involved with this man in any way. None. NO reason to stay. Violence has no place within "love". No excuses, no explanations, none, time for you to gather up all your self respect, and to walk away... let go, get some therapy for yourself...


It's a new beginning for you, not an "ending".. It's time to stop, and NO LONGER make a choice to add to your "regret list" in life, you experienced a violent episode with this man, and now HE doesn't want to give YOU a chance????????


Give YOURSELF a chance and get away from him and find some help for yourself.. so you might find out why you are wanting to lose your sense of self, and to lose your temper, or to tolerate him losing his and hurting you, emotionally, phyiscally...why would this be "okay" for you? it's not.


get away from him... and go find out who YOU are and work on whom you wish to become in life... you deserve time to heal your heart, move on, and make a better life for yourself..


go to link removed scroll down and read about your situation type.. it will help you re-gain some perspective...

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omg, dump this jerk!!! if a man ever ever EVERRR touches a woman in a violent way, that is a red flag to get OUT of that relationship. you see, once your man saw that you would help him after he hit you, he knows that he is in complete control of the relationship. he knows that he can treat you like crap and beat you up and you'll still be putting him first. you deserve better. so dump the loser and go get yourself a man that treats you like a princess! good luck babe! xoxo

~anna elizabeth

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i posted before... ' help me' ... it explains a lot....


and that is the reason i feel the way i do. i changed due to circumstances and did not give him the respect and trust he deserved... i feel this is entirely my fault....


i love him so much....

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Kick his to the curb! Or better yet, let your friends finish the job! Respect and trust??? BULL! I don't care how angry a man gets, you don't kick a woman! I could understand the shove...there is only so much a person can take..but assaulting you?! Hell no! Dump him and find someone who will love and respect you.

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I read your other thread Kiama.


As much involvement and choas this relationship has or had, it is backdrop.

A diversion.

Not what is going on.


You say you always put him first. ....so why doesn't he 'give you a chance'.


Well, simply put, you giving something does not obligate him to give you anything.


Are you still involved with him? At all?


You MUST walk away. Never see him again. CUT IT OUT.


I know you feel bad. Probably really, really really bad.


Question is: Are you ready to start doing something for yourself?


It is your only chance to begin to feel differently.


Can tell you with 100% assurance that if you continue what you are doing, you will go from feeling 'bad' to 'worthless' and worse.


You ARE worth more! Give it a shot.

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im from an exotic country.... i love animals, and i love nature....


he is from england... he cares so so so so much about his football team.. thats all he does... is play footy or watch it. besides that he just drinks in pubs or plays on his computer....


im from AFRICA.



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Well, you get what you are willing to receive, and you are making a choice to stay in a disrespectful, unloving relationship with this man.. so that must be what you want... if not, then leave him. It's not your fault about how he chooses to behave, it's not about "blame" it's about "reality" and the real truth here is, he's not interested in the same kind of love you are, he's an unhealthy rageful man.. and you are making a choice to lower yourself to compromise yourself, this is NOT love, it's an emotional illness... please seek some therapy and leave this man...

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This is so wrong.

It's hard to see any reason to want this man.


I know little about Africa, but in the US and UK, women who stay with a man who hurts them is usually emotionally damaged.

If you live in the UK, there are resources for battered women so they can break this dependance on a bad man.


You shouldn't hit him, but that's no reason to kick you, either.

You do not need to be with someone that hurts you.

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thats my problem however.....


i slapped him first.... so i believe i deserve being kicked back. i was so imperfect.


i just want him to love me.and he wont give me another chance.... im dying.


Read my first post 'help me' - to understand why i feel so bad... its all my fault if only i had got help sooner.

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both of you behaved very badly. but if the situation occurred as you described it - he reacted in way that could send him to jail. what he did to you was assault.


i am not condoning your inappropriate behavior whatsoever - but this man does not respect you. this will only get worse.


i am sorry that you are struggling - can you talk with a professional about why you feel this man is so great?

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he has dumped me... im from SOUTHERN africa... not like the jungle... lol... im in a country that is full of stuff, and it is a rich country. check out CAPE TOWN if youre interested.... its not what u think.... everyone thinks i have elephants roaming around my area... NOT.... this is a country as no other.


difference about where i come from and the uk.... well where i come from you earn a living... and i mean EARN a living... NO benefits... you PAY for everything and its EXPENSIVE. NO DEGREE equals NO JOB. one cant just work in a cafe.. or be a plumber, or bricklay.... to get by in SA you need something more than just the will to get out of bed... a diploma or a degree or your own business, else youre stuffed.


him however comes from this place called 'england' he lives and breathes for football, and thats it....


however hes looked after me too, for so long.... and i love him... i know it sounds like im making excuses but honestly i thought he was the one

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Hi Kiama,


While it wasn't right that you hit him first, it is absolutely not acceptable that he beat you. Both of you should have controlled yourself but no matter what you did to him he should have walked away. He got to feel what you felt when those guys beat him up for attacking you.


I'm curious what he said about them beating him.


You say that you love him, but you didn't really answer my question if you think a man that would beat you and kick you like that loves you, and respects you.


And before you answer, I want you to know that I was with a man who beat me and very nearly killed me for 5 years, from age 17-23. So I was where you are.

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we had our tough times like that fight... and he has a permanant scar on his chin from that... i know... is it not normal to fight so bad...???? im not one to believe that a woman can throw glasses etc at a man, and think a response aint normal...i believe if a woman does something to a man, she deserves the same back.


hell i dont know anything anymore. im so down u wont believe.

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i slapped him first.... so i believe i deserve being kicked back. i was so imperfect.


No.. you arent a mad dog, you are a human.


although I agree that you wouldnt have a leg to stand on if he had just slapped you back as you did him (two wrongs dont make a right, it would be better for him to walk away tho) KICKING YOU while you are on the ground is only permissable if you were trying to violently kill him. and even then its more a cose of "push her over and run".


WHY be in a relationship that drives you to violence?

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well we were both very drunk... he got beat up, and i freaked when i saw this.... but there was such a gang around him... i was screaming for everyone to just leave 'us' alone... cos i didnt want no trouble with the cops.


they did... but i had seen my boyfriend get punched and he hit the floor face first so so hard i thought he was dead. i really freaked and thought oh my god. we went home, his mother answered the door (new years eve by the way) and he was covered in blood.. she flipped.


i told her what had happened and she said 'no,, not my boy i know scott and he wouldnt do that'......


nobody believed me!!!! i nursed him and he was ok.. sore for ages but i was so adament that he did NOT forget wher that cut on his chin came from... i said, 'if anyone asks you you tell them....ur girl slapped you so you kicked her so much that a bunch o lads noticed and gave u a hiding'


i just think... did he feel so guilty about this and thats why he pretended to love me after?


he said not much about it,, just that he was sorry.. he SAID sorry.... BUT HE DIDNT ACT IT... i had to keep reminding him that he had a sore chin for a reason....


but stilll i drove him to this with the way i acted... i made him so angry with me no?

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Please remember that swear words are not allowed on the forum- we must keep the language respectful.


Neither of you has the right to hit one another. You should not have hit him, that's correct. But because you did that does not give him the right to hit you back. A real man would have walked away and not allowed himself to be abused. It really sounds like you have brought out the worst in one another. This relationship is not functional or healthy, and I hope you are seriously considering getting out of it.


This is not love, it is codependance. But I remember feeling like you do and not being able to tell the difference at the time either.

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