makeupgrl99 Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 I'm at a breaking point where I just don't know what to do, so I decided to come here desperate for some honest good advice. This will be a long post so please grab some snacks before hand. And I apologize but please PLEASE help me Over 3 years ago I met this guy*Ed who stole my heart. We started off as just buddies, but then it escalated into more but nothing serious. We would see eachother on and off with taking few breaks for couple months. After about two yrs I got back with my ex fiance because our breakup didn't leave any closure, and I wanted to see if there really wasn't any chance between us. My parents would pressure me to get married and well since he was my fiance, I thought it would be right to give one more chance to our relationship and try the serious thing. So I told *Ed that I have to get back with my ex fiance to try our relationship one last time for the sake of having closure and to make my family think more of me. *Ed was very supportive of me, but told me that he was beginning to fall for me. Silly me still went back with my ex fiance. My fiance and I lasted for six months. After few months of us being together, things went really sour, really fast. I put my heart and soul into that relationship to make it work, I literally put my whole heart into it in hopes of finally securing my future, but unfortunately it didnt happen that way. We fought ALL the time, he would talk down on me and totally ruined my self esteem. I felt like I got fooled for giving him one more chance. One day we got into a huge fight because I found out he lied to me about another female, it started of as a pity argument but it escalated into this huge thing. He broke up with me OVER AIM. no matter how much I begged for him to give us a chance, he refused, talked down on me again, made me feel like it was all my fault, and told me I should've never went back with him. After that I am not the same person I was before. I'm no longer ever happy, I get upset over the most insignificant things. I don't know why, my feelings for my ex fiance totally diminished, I no longer feel like I need him, nor do I want him to ever cross path with me again. In a way I actually think I have forgiven him for hurting me....but I do know that he changed me, and not in a good way. Its been over a year since me and him broke up, yet I'm still not the cheery, happy go lucky girl I used to be. ANd I do NOT wish to have him back, which is why I don't know why I'm such a different person (by the way I'm not the only one that thinks I changed, my family says the same thing). Back to *Ed, after my fiance and I broke up, Ed was there for me. He would take me out, show me a good time, give me lots of attention, was always there for me, was soo sweet to me, something I have not had for a long time. He is completely opposite of my ex fiance and I love it. He is what every girl wants her bf to be. Ed and I have been dating solid for a yr now, yes we have had our fights and arguments, but don't all couples? We talk about marriage, how we want babies and a house and all that corny stuff. Basically I'll say our relationship has been very serious. But I keep causing arguments between us because of my jelous insecure streak. I can't stop. I need attention all the time (I think its cuz of my previous relationship), I tried many times to be the confident gf who never gets jelous or anything but it just doesnt work. Last summer I met this guy name *Joe, our personalities are so alike which is why we get along great. I met him thru friends of mine and we would hang out once in a while. Yes I am attracted to Joe, yes I would IF I WAS SINGLE probably hope for more then a friendship from him, but nothing has ever happened between us besides maybe some flirtations. My bf found out thru our mutual friends about Joe, for some reason everyone around the town told him that me and Joe have more then friendship going on which is where my my current problem started. I stopped hanging out with Joe for the sake of my relationship, but I still kept somewhat in touch with him, just little conversations here and there online or something. Nothing big deal at all. My bf became very insecure about it, once in a while he would catch me chatting with Joe online and would get very angry, thinking that we have something going on when in fact we were just catching up on stupid conversations. About a week ago my bf and I got into a huge HUGE fight, he called me a name he shouldn't have ( W**re) and I got very VERY upset. I told him I need a break, I can't deal with this drama, I want some time to myself, to go out with my friends and not worry if my bf will get mad if I do that. We cried, we argued some more. Last wknd I saw Joe at a bar and we had an awsome time, nothing happened, we were just hanging out like old times. My bf found out about this and now he thinks that I wanted a break to hook up with Joe. No matter how much I deny it, it doesn't matter. He is convinced. I don't know how to fix this situation. Part of me wants to be back with my bf Ed, he is amazing, I always pictured my future with him. But there is another part of me that wants to hang out with Joe without any drama. I just want to have fun. I'm sooo confused. Why do I feel this way? Why am I always stuck between two ppl unintentionally. How do I fix it? How do I decide what I want? How do I get my relationship with Ed to what it was in the beginning-a very healthy, happy relationship? Someone Please tell me something to fix this, to guide me in the right direction. My mind tells me I should be single for a while, just to solve my wild oats, but my heart tells me I belong to Ed. I can't stop crying and thinking that I just ruined my life because of my selfish actions. I feel like a huge part of me is missing since Ed and I broke up. Literally I feel like I just tore my heart to pieces, it hurts. Please advice and thank you for reading this ridiculous long post but I just feel like I needed to let all my feelings out on this for the complete picture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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