I'm trapped and scared, please help me.

[TrappedandAlone]

I am at my wit's end. I am being harassed by a manipulating, sick bully at work. I fight him off but cannot get away from him, my daughter also works there , she needs ehr job and the money, is about to undertake IVF and wants to get married, get a mortgage etc and I am the only person who protects her from him. He has ruined me, my reputation and told lies about me, accused me of things I have not done, he has even taken my job.

 

Every day someone complains about him to the manager, but it's usually it's a third party complaining what he has done to so-and-so, or they don't want to cause trouble so the manager cant act so he gets away with it and has for many years.

 

When I sensed he was going for my job I spoke to my manager and told him that he had made my life hell and hat I didnt want him to have my job, and because of that and becuase I have talked to other members of staff about the problems, he says the bully has been to him accused me of conspiring and plotting agaisnt him and it looks like I am victimising HIM and the manager has given him my old job.

 

The manager knows 100% what type of man he is and I think the manager has now given him my old job for one of two reasons. He either backing him for fear of losing his own job for fear of the bully attacking him over victimisation (cos thats the type of man he is) or put him in a position where he thinks I will do his dirty work for him and make a formal complaint and get rid of him for him. He has harassed me in my own home, stalked me,slandered my reputation, turned all work colleagues against me.I am a widow and I have no one to turn to at night. This bully even came to my husbands funeral.

 

I cannot walk away from the job as my daughter also works there, if I leave her there this subjects her to even more bullying by him which he is already doing and which the manager knows about, and isolation as he already has tried but I have intervented and warned him off her. I am her only protection.

 

I fear this man is psychotic as well as deceptive, manipulative and sick. I have been off work for 2 months and I am returning soon and I fear for my psychological health and well being as well as my daughters.

 

For those of you who have never been bullied, I think you should read carefully the site below before commenting. I, myself thought "meh, just tell him to eff off" or whatever before this all happened to me, but believe me, when you do, things get increasingly worse, as I have found out at the cost of my mental health...

 

link removed

 

I am at a loss of what to do and i am asking for some support and practical advice, please help me.

[Murzilka]

I sympathise with you, though something like that has never happened to me personally, I can see how it would drive you crazy. The best advise I can give you is to take yourself out of this lethal equation. Find a new job, suggest to your daughter that she find a new job also. I know you said you need the benefits, but a lot of businesses these days will offer you benefits upon starting a new position or soon after. link removed has a lot of information on job search. In the meantime, I would lay low. I think there's something to be said for the killing them with kindness method. It may drive you crazy to see this guy, but just act like he's your best friend and he may lay off. If not, I would talk to your HR department and make sure they take notes so that they have a record of your conversation. Also, I would recommend keeping your own personal record of this guy's antics.

Hope this helps,

Take care.

[Locke2121]

Most HR departments would sack the guy in a second. But this man has stalked you OUTSIDE of work. That makes him liabel for criminal stalking and you can call the police on him.

 

Yeah, get another job! But don't let this sicko get away with this. By the time you leave, you want every person in the company to know just how twisted he is!

[justpaisley]

You have two options:

 

1. Quit your job. I don't know where you are, but in the States there are programs that offer continued insurance coverage to people who quit or are fired from jobs. Encourage your daughter to follow suit. If she has enough money to undergo IVF, she can put that off for a few months while she finds another job, and can save up again for IVF.

 

2. Start documenting incidents of bullying. Serious bullying, not small things you might be sensitive to because of the overall jerkiness of the bully. Be very specific. Write up a report, then make a formal complaint to someone a little higher up than your wimp of a manager - someone who is completely objective and impartial, and doesn't have to deal with the bully every day.

 

Also, you can't let yourself be put in a position where you can be bullied. Tell him, specifically, to leave you alone, in no uncertain terms. Tell him, very specifically, that you want him to stay away from you and absolutely stay away from your house. DO NOT argue with him about this - that kind of person will want to turn it around on you and make you feel bad about feeling this way, and you do not owe him an explanation!! Tell him what you want him to do, then leave it at that. Start your record with this; make a note of when you told him this and exactly what you told him. If he ignores your demands and comes after you anyway, you have good reason to go to upper management, or even the police if he comes near your house. Have your daughter do the exact same thing.

 

I really do feel for you. I went to work for a guy, "B," who I thought was just wonderful - he was the best man at my wedding. B, my friend, and B, my boss, were two completely different people. He was an incredible bully at work, and treated everyone horribly... I just couldn't believe the differences in his personality. (He was also a big drunk.) He was the co-owner of the business, so there was nothing I could do but quit. I read a book called link removed, and I thought he had written the book about B. I quit working there, and when he asked for a reason, I started to tell him, thinking he was one of my closest friends and maybe I could help him, and he totally turned it around on me. I was only 21 at the time, and had a hard time standing up for myself. I went back to work there ONLY with the understanding that he was leaving shortly to go start up another division. Life was gravy after he left, and we went back to being good friends.

 

You have to take a stand, and since direct or managerial confrontation won't work with a bully, you have to either go higher up or leave the company to be miserable around him. My friend just quit a job she LOVED because she couldn't get away from a bully, and the bully was a VIP at her job so there was no way he'd get fired or reprimanded.

 

HUGE hugs - I'm so sorry you lost your husband, and I'm sorry you have to deal with this in the aftermath of your very big loss. I wish you the best of luck.

[agent1607307371]

Document everything he does to you. Everything.

 

The go to the police. If he is harassing you in your home make a complaint, have a restraining order made and have him arrested if he breaks it.

 

Does your boss have a boss? If this guy has had many complaints made against him and your boss is protecting him, go higher up. It doesn't sound to me like it can get any worse.