Gracelove Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 I feel different. I feel okay to move on. I feel tearful. But I realize, that my life it truly great. I don't know if it's that I'm finishing school or not, but I think that has something to do with it. I didn't think I'd be emotional about graduating. It's been tough. I've had the worst times of my life during my college experience, and now I'm wishing it all goodbye. I wish there was a way to truly convey how I feel. I feel glorious. It's not a threat to me anymore. It holds no grounds. I mean, Ariel and Jonathan don't even bother me anymore, LOL. Isn't that so great. It's like a huge weight has been lifted all of my shoulders, and it feels so good! I've been wanting to close this chapter of my life for the longest time, although I would never admit it. And now that it's here......I feel so blessed. It's all okay now. I feel okay to be me. I don't have to be on the defensive anymore. I'm away from that space, that scene, and nothing will ever bring me back. I'm free!!!! I mean, even with the whole rape situation, I feel great! I'm finally able to see beyond that place, ya know. There's a whole, big wonderful world out there, and I'm okay. All this time I've been so afraid. So afraid that people would side with the rapist and his accomplice over me. Ever since he had told me he went around telling people about me, and his accomplice telling me that he was saying I wanted it. I tell you, it all seems slightly trivial now. I should have never been afraid, because.......the truth was on my side. I don't know why I couldn't see it before. But now I see it's okay. I've taken my power back, they can't harm me anymore. It feels so good to say that. All of this time I've felt endangered, but no longer. It's amazing how heavy shame is. How you can be raped and feel guilty for someone else's actions. How you can feel so small, and feel that for such a horrible thing to happen to you, you must have done something wrong. Whew! That's such a heavy burden to bare, and the thing is........the victims shouldn't have to bear it. I feel great! Yes I'll have things I'll have things to work through. But it's okay, I have people who love me standing by me to see me through. It's my life, good or bad, it's mine I finally have my life back. And it's going to be a beautiful life. Yes, I'll cry. That's apart of the grieving. And yes, I'll think back on things that have happened and will feel the pain within. But, I'll survive. And that's what counts. And hopefully one day I'll have a daughter, and I'll be able to look after her, and pray that she won't have some of the experiences that I've had. Maybe by then I'll be able to teach her how to be innocent without being naive (I'm sure there's a way). I'm just so grateful, so grateful to be alive, and I haven't felt that way in a really long time. Quote Link to comment
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