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My secret


redsuede
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I just wanted to tell everyone that after so many months of LC and doing so much to heal and get past my last relationship, I really honestly wanted to tell you guys what I think really helped me. Its those red colored glasses.. Take them off now. I mean think about it. One thing that really helped me do this was taking a look at this board, seeing how many people are in the same boat as I. Reading through posts that make me feel so empathetic towards all of you, and it made me re-analyze my situation.

 

I thought that what we (my ex and I) shared was special and it would be a matter of time and things would work themselves out. Once I started taking those glasses off, I can now see that we shared a lot, but I was seeing things in such a different light. I wanted so badly for all of my hard work of trying to keep us together to pay off. I loved her so much, but now I am glad we are apart. Those red colored glasses was the absolute thing to keep me stuck. If I hang on no matter what, eventually it will be OK.

 

No contact will help you want to take those glasses off, because you are in so much pain, that you finally want to just get feeling better and you get so tired of doing all the self talk of "I can get through this" or "I am going to have a good day today". Until you actually feel the pain and realize reality, you will be stuck. And there is no time limit on being stuck. I have known people who have been stuck a decade, YES a decade. I knew I didnt want that for myself.

 

If you give yourself half the love and attention that we are all pouring in to our every thought about our ex, and start seeing what is best for us, then you will find that you eventually will start to feel better and there is a better life out there for us. Dont give in to romantisizing the relationship.

 

One question that really got to me is ... Is it just me who is thinking about this breakup 24/7? Or is my ex anazlying my every word. The painful answer for me was NO. She was out finding her new life and leaving ours behind.

 

If someone breaks up with you, that is where they want to be as well. I want to be with someone who can cherish what we have too.

 

 

Take those red colored glasses off now.. They are holding you back. If you dont change you wont be anywhere but where you are right now.

 

I believe in everyone who is going through this. Find you.. Not them.

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Great post. It really is true. There is no point in worrying about your ex after a break up, because they aren't in your life anymore. Even if it turns out to be a temporary thing, just try and move on. No contact is so tough but it is ultimately the best thing. It gets you to move on with your life and the person who initiated the break up thinking if it was the right decision or not.

 

No point in dwelling on something that is no longer there.

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If you give yourself half the love and attention that we are all pouring in to our every thought about our ex, and start seeing what is best for us, then you will find that you eventually will start to feel better and there is a better life out there for us. Dont give in to romantisizing the relationship.

 

Great words of wisdom! Very insightful and true.

 

Good luck on your journey, I hope the world continues to look better and brighter now you have the courage to take off the shades

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I couldn't agree more. I was finally getting to this point of seeing things how they really were, but I talked to my ex and set myself back a week or more. I will need to go through this whole process again of realizing we weren't right for each other and I did deserve better.

 

Great Post! Thanks

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Hey that was really kind of inspiring to me, since I'm on the verge of breaking up with my girlfriend. Reading through this board has also really given me a lot of strength, because after reading through so many posts it was nice to know that I'm not the only one going through this kind of thing as well.

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Im really glad that it was a help for some. I learned the hard way that those glasses were now showing me reality. Its true, LOVE IS BLIND.

 

I promise, it feels so much better to have self respect and KNOW that you are worth something, and if your EX doesnt seem to think that, well then they dont deserve YOU.

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  • 6 months later...

Red,

 

N/C let me do almost exactly the same thing, really think about what the last 20 years with her was like, and what I want the next 20 years to be like.

 

I honestly found that in my heart, we both needed a change for good, once I was honest with myself, it wasn't so bad.

 

Being a Buddhist, it really gives me a chance to practice what I believe, that ALL THINGS are temporary and will eventually change and die. It's not scary, it's just the rhythm of the universe, the thread running thru us all.

 

things get better now..................

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