am i being stupid?

[buffalosoldier]

Hello,

i have a few quetions if somebody could please advise me!!

is there any way that you can tell if your partner loves you,or is just comfortable with the situation?(hope that makes sense).i mean sort of happy with the familiarity,regular sex,a companion that sort of thing.

 

ive been with my boyfriend on and off for just over a year now,and we used to argue alot but i sort of feel that the honeymoon stage of our relationship came at a different time then its supposed to,like recently instead of right at the beginning. things have been really great recently,but im just getting to the stage where i am wondering if he actually loves me or not. i love him to bits,there is no question of that in my mind.i know you will all probably tell me to talk to him face to face and just ask him,which is probably what i should do,i just find it hard having serious talks with him about stuff like that, his complaint about me in the past was that i needed to chill out more about life(which i do) so i guess in turn i changed my attitude regarding the relationship aswell.

 

we have made alot of adjustments to our relationship over the past year that now things are really good,except for this one thing that has just been playing on my mind.we spend say a day or two in the week together and then some time at the weekend,so that we feel our relationship stays fresh. we get on really well,have a great sex life, and he helps me out in subtle but meaningful ways.

 

is it possible that he loves me? we used to say that we loved each other,but since we've broken up a couple of times and since he has only ever really said it back to me (like saying love you too but not saying it first) i have sort of lost the bottle to say it to him,i think the same might apply to him.i dunno,he's a guy,i know they dont always find it easy to express there feelings.but do you think thats the case here? or is it something that really only my boyfriend can answer? i dont wanna push and push things,im trying to go with the flow and be more relaxed about things and i finally feel like im getting somewhere. i was thinking of writing him an email today, just really to tell him how much i appreciate how well things have been going between us. would this maybe coax something out of him?(that is not the only reason i want to write him one by the way). i dont want him to feel pressured into writing anything back, and id much rather that he told me he loved me if he really means it,not just because he knows its what i want to hear.

maybe he is being more of a boyfriend by not lying to me? i dont know im really confused,there is a good and bad side to this from every aspect really,id just like to know what you lot would think/do in my situation? am i being stupid?asking for too much?

 

thankyou for any advice you may give me sorry its quite a long post!

 

xxx

[sabena]

Its a hard one I think because you have broken up and got back together a couple of times you don't want to rake any old stuff up and rock the boat right? I only say that because I kinda know what you are going through.

 

One thing that me and my bf say to each other regularly is "are you happy?"...just a simple three worded question but one that by looking at there face and watching their eyes you should be able to tell if they are telling the truth...I always say to my bf "happy babe?"...and he will tell me yes or if he is stressed or whatever...

 

I think however, that ultimately you will need to sit with him and talk with him because otherwise this could eat away at you and then you will become nervous and anxious around him and you dont want that. By being relaxed as you say you are (want to be) thats the best way...

[Gilgamesh]

Love is an emotion you feel inside, its not necessarily something you "do". but people in love do express how they feel in different ways.

 

And people feel they are loved by different actions they expect. but still, doesnt really prove anything.

 

What more do you expect? what are the actions you would like to see in your partner that would indicate to you he loves you.

 

My ex, used words to say she loved me, she did everything I expected and I was convinced she did, who knows maybe she really did. but she hurt me anyway.

 

So whats really important, before you both told each other you loved each other a lot, but argued a lot and even broke up a couple times, now things are going better, but not all the lovey talk, maybe its better now because you are not putting so much pressure on the relationship, maybe he doesnt want to ruin or complicate a good thing, by saying those words.

 

I believe actions speak louder than words. so by looking at his actions do you think he loves you?

[buffalosoldier]

thanks guys, i wasnt expecting anyone to understand what i was talking about! and yeh sabena you were completely right about the whole rocking the boat thing.it sorta pains me to bring up anything bad from the past as im trying to forget it ever happened. just one more question,do you think i should write him this email? i just wanted to say how great i think things are going and how much i appreciate it,but i dont want to crowd him or sound too heavy if you know what i mean??