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Did he? Do I?


lizziebee
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Let me pose this one to you all and please be honest. this is something I want to hear first hand. If you SO lies to you about something, ie. a phone call you did not see, or email or contact with an ex, would you feel comfortable lying about the exact same thing if you kept it a secret as well?

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I think establishing a pattern like that leads to a series of building resentments and "attacks" on one another that are often based on our own perceptions rather than realities.

 

I think it is better to ask them why they lied, then to retaliate...this is supposed to be a relationship, not a war, right?

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If you SO lies to you about something, ie. a phone call you did not see, or email or contact with an ex, would you feel comfortable lying about the exact same thing if you kept it a secret as well?

 

I know two wrongs don't make a right, but truthfully, I might feel some guilt, but not as much as I would feel if he had done that to me first. But I definitely wouldn't want this to become a pattern in my relationship, and I would be worried about that.

 

Now, that being said...do you feel you and your SO can actually trust each other not to cheat with your exes? Just curious.

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Let me pose this one to you all and please be honest. this is something I want to hear first hand. If you SO lies to you about something, ie. a phone call you did not see, or email or contact with an ex, would you feel comfortable lying about the exact same thing if you kept it a secret as well?

 

No I would not feel comfortable doing the same thing. I would recognize it as a slippery slope and try to stay on path, not allowing myself to lose footing. I'd keep my good behavior for my own sake.

 

I would be at a real loss about how to approach this dishonesty and what other behaviors it might be cloaking.

 

My idea would be wait for a time until a moment when you are getting along well and this topic is in the background. Ask why did he do this and what was going on that made him be dishonest. If he didn't take full responsibility (not blame you or the relationship) and show true remorse and embarrassment, I'd worry.

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Hi guys and thanks for you thoughts on this...It ws something I was musing about and wondering since we are all being as honest as possible on this site (I hope!) I wanted to know your feelings on this...No, this has not happened to me but it was one of those Great American Novel moments...when I thought...hmmm what if? And then what happens?! Very interesting views you have....Thanks

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Let me pose this one to you all and please be honest. this is something I want to hear first hand. If you SO lies to you about something, ie. a phone call you did not see, or email or contact with an ex, would you feel comfortable lying about the exact same thing if you kept it a secret as well?

 

Ok. You want honesty, right.

 

No. In fact, finding out about lies that were told to me, it has made me much more aware of my own 'little white lies' and omissions.

 

KARMA!

 

Perhaps the dude would like to set himself up for failure, and take the relationship with him, but he ain't taking me with him!!

 

Lies erode the self and a base in reality. It just ain't worth it. You can't 'cheat' life, period.

Has nothing to do with what someone else is doing. You either do or you don't.

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Ignorance sometimes is bliss. You can turn a blind eye to the lie but not necessarily turn a dead heart to it. I speak from experience. I even lost my memory for a couple of months after overdose of tranquilisers but lately after a shock it all came back to me. Amazing how the brain stores and perceives information sometimes.

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