Jump to content

Recommended Posts

I've been feeling better lately. I feel well. I feel healthy. I feel balanced. I feel more centered. I feel more okay. I feel able to forget and let go. I feel more able to take care of myself. I feel better about not letting hurtful people bother me. I feel better about rebuilding my life. I feel more possibilities. I feel I can enjoy myself. I feel I can heal. I feel I can forgive myself more. I feel more of a right to take care of myself. I feel I may be able to move on from this abuse. I feel I will be able to trust and take care of myself. It's scary......because I actually do feel a lot more relief, healing, and freedom. I feel a heavy stone lifting from my heart, those heavy knots untangling. I think I will be alright....more healing to do.


Does this mean those abusers who purposely hurt me and wanted to harm me and break me.....does this mean they don't win? Because I know some of them purposely sought control over me or to make my life miserable. Purposely wanted to burn and break me.....out of jealousy and most likely because they were just so miserable with themselves and their lives and how they live.


Does this mean I will be better?.....This is new to me....I hope this mood will last.....


This good feeling actually scares me because it's new.....these new thoughts are a little bit different from my previous doomed, depressed thoughts.


I had this mental belief that...once they harmed me....I was permanently damaged, permanently worthless, permanently maimed, permanently harmed. With a key emphasis on permanence, I felt permanently......hurt, lost, destroyed, humiliated, embarrassed, angry, sad, despised and torn. It's still really hard to think myself out of this one.....because I can't change the past. So if anyone has some advice about this particular belief...I would like to hear.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, sometimes in life we can get stuck in a "certain thought pattern", it becomes like a "habit" that is hard to break, even if it's not a "good habit" we still have a hard time "letting it go"... because the "unknown" can seem scary to us, but thats one of the most wonderful things about life, we don't know what is going to happen, but we can choose who we want to be, how we want to behave, and that we strong enough and have the courage to accept life's challegnes with grace,


These new habits of "healthy thought" are not so easy to form, and "feelings" of insecurity, sadness, happiness, contentment, anger, fear, confidence, all these feelings "ebb and flow" each and every day like waves hitting a shore, they come up, they disappear, and we can find joy in all of it, because when we are "hurting" we can choose to "learn" from it, and when we are "happy" we can choose to "share" it...


It's all about choosing a good attitude.. and it seems to me from all that you wrote, you are starting to choose an attitude of hope, courage, and enthusiasm.. it won't always be at top level.. but it's building inside you.. and you are growing, learning, and healing, and wonderful things are ahead for you because of this.


and all the time we are "feeling" it reminds us we are alive, we have a "choice" about what we want to believe, so stick with your "new belief" of you're going to be okay, you're going to be happy, you're going to take back your own personal power and make plans, set some goals, just for YOU. And the first goal can be, "I'm going to choose to have gratitude for my live, my health, and I"m going to choose to be kind".


When we are sad or our hearts are broken, this is the most valuable opportunity to discover just how strong, wonderful and courageous you can be... it's a gift.. yep, sometimes experiences sadness is a gift.. it's all in how you "choose to experience it".. turn this all into your own energy to be who you want to be for YOU.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Good job girl!!! Keep up the good work.


There are evil and dangerous people out there. Someone once told me that you're not supposed to understand people like that because you're not that way.


I don't know. I think that the whole thing is less personal than we think.


I was raped, and I'm beginning to understand that it wasn't personal. He was just evil and thinking about how he could make himself feel more powerful.


One of my closet friends set me up to be raped, that wasn't personal, she was just a selfish sociopath.


My point is, that it doesn't have to do with something being wrong with us. I believe that the people who hurt us the most, probably don't think about us much at all.


It's natural to feel pain, angry, sorrow, shame, guilt, hopelessness, etc. after someone has severly harmed us.

But once we are removed from those situations we don't really needed to feel threatened anymore.

Because to be honest, I'm sure we are the last thing on the minds of those that hurt us.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

yeah....i know none of them probably ever think about me, remember me, and none of them even care the least bit. but i feel i am left with the residue and emotional aftershocks of the horrible events.


im a good, caring, decent, feeling, compassionate person so i really feel the blows. it shocks me how some people can take GOOD moments and GOOD feelings like friendship, kindness, mutuality, sincerity, honesty, and affection and turn that into a mess of anger, control, abuse, disdain, disrespect, shame, blame, accusations ETC.


you're right...im not meant to understand persons with that type of mentality. i have never been that way, never will be, and never want to be. i never want to live that way and treat others that way.


still dealing and struggling with the aftermath though...


gracelove, i feel i can relate to you because i too was set up to be used for sex. i wasn't raped per say......but the night i was used......i spent that night crying, shaking hysterically, i wanted desperately to go to the hospital emergency room, i was sick to my stomach, i couldn't sleep, and i called some crisis hotlines. (prior to that i had never needed to call a crisis hotline before). the lady at the rape crisis center told me that my feelings and my intentions were pure and good.......that i wanted love and respect and that HE was the one that turned it into something cheap and meaningless. but.....i think i must relate to a lot of your same feelings. it sure felt like rape......

Link to comment
Share on other sites

why do i feel those wings have been torn and ripped off me? ah but yes....i am a flightless bird that needs to grow some feathers. and claws....some nice sharp claws.


im so broken and depressed. i am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. i feel like i've had the crap kicked out of me by this world.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • How to tell if a Man REALLY Cares About You (or not!)
      Learn a SUPER easy way to tell if a guy is trying to build a real relationship with you... or if he's just attracted to you and wanting something casual. Does he really love me? How do I know if he wants a relationship? Is he just looking to hook up? I get asked questions like these ALL THE TIME by clients, students and women in my life... so I created a video explaining the KEY QUESTION to ask to determine what a man truly wants, and 5 ways to spot his true motives in his actions.

      • 0 replies
    • Will a good man do this for his woman if he loves her?
      Will a good man do this for his woman if he loves her? What to expect from a “GOOD MAN” Some emotional think good men are hard to find. Many women think god men longer exist. As a dating coach I’ve found that the expectations we have and the standards we establish play a big big part in if we will ever find love or marriage. Women often take crap from men because their standards are low. Low standards lead to a lot of romance and sexual engagement but very few quality relationships. The equal and opposite extreme is just as much if a hindrance though. Women having standards that are too high for men to live up to often lead to women failing to find the love they are desperately hoping for. Some women are saving themselves for marriage. For them dating can be even harder because less men these days are willing to wait. In this video we discuss if a good man is willing to wait till marriage.

      • 0 replies
    • Prevent Male Manipulation From The Start!!! (First Date Strategies)
      Prevent Male Manipulation From The Start!!! (First Date Strategies)
      • 0 replies
    • Doing THIS Ruins Intimacy With Your Ex
      In this video Clay Andrews discusses the primary cause of a lack of intimacy between you and your ex. There is a lot of advice out there that will tell you that you need to put on an act or play hard to get with your ex in order to get them to like you. However, how are they supposed to actually connect with you and feel an intimate connection if you’re not being honest and transparent yourself? More so, why would they be open and honest with you if you’re putting on an act and pretending to be something or someone you are not? One of the biggest factors in creating intimacy is being willing to take the first step and showing that you are able to pen up yourself.

      • 0 replies
    • What it takes to be truly brave - it’s not what you think
      What it takes to be truly brave - it’s not what you think
      • 0 replies
  • Create New...