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my and boyfriend and his intense popularity


emma34
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okay.. this may just be a vent - but here goes.

 

my boyfriend is so popular. In his social network, he is honestly EVERYONES best friend. I mean, I don't blame them, hes a pretty good guy - but its really getting annoying! Mostly, I enjoy and am used to an equal relationship, but this is different. I have a pretty busy lifestyle...hell, I go to school full-time AND work 30 hours a week and still find time for the occasional social event, but not as busy as him. He only works 35 hours a week and yet somehow he is way too busy to see me...

 

him and his friends have routine "24" nights and previously "OC" nights..him and his other friends hair "hair cut dates" and him and his other friends have gym dates, and then you add the guys night which is everyday friday, not to mention in the last 3 months he has been to newyork for 4 days (with the guys), miami for a weekend (with the guys), fort lauderdale for 4 days (with the guys) etc etc.

plus he plays hockey and soccer.

 

OKAY! So that's all fine and dandy that his life is full..and i gotta say, theres nothing WRONG with that..but I feel like my life consists around me waiting for him to pick me up.

 

I have a busy life and I don't need to add things to make me feel complete, but I haven't been on a date with my boyfriend in about 6 months!

 

 

ugh

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This is not a problem about his being too popular it is a problem of different priorities - his priorities right now seem to be as social butterfly, guy's nights out, etc - is that consistent with your priorities in this relationship? It's not that he's the victim of popularity - these are his choices.

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I agree with the posters that says he has his priorities, and you're not one of them..

 

Obviously his "popularity" was a reason you were drawn to him. Who wouldn't want to be "Mrs. Popular", but perhaps you were expecting him to change when he wasn't expecting to.

 

Still, I can't imagine any scenario apart from LDR in which I couldn't make the time to see my girlfriend for 6 whole months. At that point I don't even think you can consider it a relationship more like a......he's moved on and you havn't kind of thing.

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I see what your saying..but it's not like he is the one phoning his friends all the time. They are the ones phoning him - every 20 minutes his f'n phone rings. I have spoken to him about it, but it seems there is no end in sight. he does have 2 roomates as well...2 single guys who love to patry. If I had 100% control, I would have him take one night of the week and ask me to do something. He hasn't asked me to do something in months...he just assumes I wanna come over @ 10 oclock at night.

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Doesn't matter that they are calling him - particularly with cell phones etc there is this thing called voice mail which is how people can manage their priorities. If he said "I am with my girlfriend right now" and they were truly friends, they would understand unless it was an emergency.

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Ouch. What you're asking for isn't much indeed. I also understand the need for spending QT together.

 

Sadly there isn't much of a solution here. It's really either that you accept the situation for what it is (and no fault to you, if you can't--I know I couldn't) or you explain in the simplest of terms: He needs to make this relationship a priority, or your out the door.

 

It's not that you're giving him an ultimatum; you're just letting him have the chance to correct things. Otherwise, it's splitsville.

 

I can imagine this is easier said than done, but it doesn't take much of an imagination to see that things aren't going to change.

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I find that couples who are like that tend to do things together a LOT but with the friends. It's all personal preference-- I'm sure there's other people who don't mind it as much. And I know plenty of girls who are living with their boyfriends and say how happy they are when their boyfriends go out because then they have their own time.

But to have all those things with his friends, it's just the type of person he is. It may not change. Or you may find a better way to work around it.

If you haven't been dating very long, honestly, if I were you, I'd be done with it. It's a problem to you, and personally, I'd be upset because I don't like roadblocks-- the untouchable nights for certain things... not something I'm willing to deal with, but more spontaneous nights away are different. Maybe you feel that way too? But that's just my take if I were in that situation.

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I was in a situation similar to this one when I was 23 (so was he). My reaction was to go to a beach resort by myself for 5 days - told him I was going - and - wouldn't you know it - he missed me (back then most people did not have cell phones and there was no real email) - came over as soon as I got back and told me he was falling in love with me. Miraculously all of a sudden Mr. Popular had time for me - no more relegating me to thursday nights (we had been dating 5-6 months at this point).

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my advice would be to make yourself less available. if you're available and ready for him whenever he decides to call you up at 10 pm you aren't giving him any reason to prioritize your relationship cuz in his eyes its there when he wants it. maybe next time say, well, i'm tired from class and working all day, but we can get together this saturday night if you want...see if he makes some reference to that being the guys night out or something. i had a boyfriend like this, all he ever did was hang with the guys and hang with me when the guys were busy. i loved his attention whenever i could get it but looking back if i had made myself less available he would probably have tried harder for us. don't make the same mistake!

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