CareBear53187 Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 Hey guys, i don't know if you remember me, it's been awhile. Brief summary: Boyfriend broke up with me after three years because he simply "didnt feel the same way about me anymore", told me to stop calling him on Christmas day...since Christmas, I have remained in strict NC-aside from looking at his facebook page and i unblocked him on AIM about the end of january, but didng IM him. I'm seeing someone else as well. So last night, i sent an email that i wrote about two weeks ago. I let it sit in my drafts folder to think about it. I decided last night to send it. I also sent all of his things in a box with no note or anything this week. I kind of looked at it as "creating my own closure" because he cut me off so quickly, we never even said goobye. So im going to post the email that i sent him, it's rather long, if you don't want to read the whole thing you don't have to. Dear ...., I've begun so many emails and letters to you, and normally, what happens when i try to write someone a letter is that I can just write and write and write. And then, even if I don't mean to, I hit the send button..because I feel so proud of how well I've expressed myself that..the other person HAS to see it. It's just too good for them to not see it. But everytime I try to write you a letter, nothing ever seems right to say. One reason is that in a lot of ways I feel like there's nothing more to say. But at the same time I feel like there is so much more to say. Another reason why writing you a letter has proven unsuccessful thus far is that what i have to say always just turns into hurt and anger, which helps neither of us. And in a lot of ways, I have been waiting for you to make the first move...after all, you were the one who made so clear how unwanted my efforts to communicate are. So what do I want to say? What could i possibly have to say to you? Why am i even writing you now? do I want closure? I don't know, the more i think about it, the more i think that there's no such thing as closure...For a long time, I thought closure would be to make you feel how i felt. I wanted you to feel how i felt on christmas day. I wanted you to feel how it feels to spend three years with someone, and have the last thing that they say to you is "stop calling". Or how i felt the entire last six months that we spent together, and how badly you treated me, which in retrospect, was extremely bad. Or how it made me feel after the first few weeks, realizing that you never were going to call...when you never called or wrote or expressed any kind of apology or sadness. And that's probably what hurt me the most. But i have realized that none of those things would help me to move past the fact that i lost my best friend, which is ultimately, the final thing that I have to get over. And it's still a battle, just not having you in my life. To me, it's so strange how everything turned out okay, and how i didn't die. i really thought i couldn't live a day without (his name). It's so weird how you wake up the next day breathing. And realize that life does go on. and it's funny, when i met someone else..i wanted to call you..not to rub it in your face, but to share it with you. to be like this is so exciting! maybe out of habit, or maybe out of the fact that regardless of everything your friendship meant everything to me. i mean, same thing with ben folds, or for anything else good or bad that happens..i miss having your support, i miss having your input, and i miss hearing your voice. i miss being able to call you and tell you what's going on in my life. i miss my best friend. I really, truly do. You hurt me so badly (his name). I don't think i've ever felt more betrayed or let down in my entire life by the way that everything happened. And my guess is that this letter is going to mean practically nothing to you. That you wish I would just let it go, or something of that sort. And I understand that this did not affect you as much as it did me, because you had begun letting go of me long before we broke up. I also understand that the person that i was holding onto for so long is not the person who you are today. But someday, when you come accross something that reminds you of me, or a song that makes you think of me, or you just want to call me--and your heart gets very sad, just know that i am thinking of you and praying for you. please know that my love for you extends beyond solely boyfriend and girlfriend, and that i will never stop caring for you. i'm not saying that you need that, but i'm just expressing to you that nothing you could do would completely burn the bridge that we spent three years building. I'm glad now, that I have waited this long to write you a letter, because at this point, i can write this letter knowing that even in my subconscious I am not trying to accomplish anything by writing this. I'm not trying to prove anything to you, and I owe you nothing. This letter is as real and as sincere as it gets and i mean every single word of it. I am not trying to make you feel a certain way or bring up old feelings. It is just time. i hope that you find what you are looking for, no matter what that may be. i want the best for you. And as hokey pokey as it all sounds, just know that in spite of everything, i will remember you with a smile, and that your memory will always hold a special place in my heart. Love changes, but it still never fails. No regrets, Carrie okay, so a couple hours later he replied with this: you're wrong. your letter means a lot to me. we'll talk, i promise. in a few days, im working through some stuff. (his name) ps its great to hear from you I'm confused by his response. I didn't think that my email was asking him to contact me. But i'm also going crazy. He's back in my head now, which is awful. I wanted it to be overwith. What do i do when he calls? (He will, hes not that big of a jerk)...do i not answer? do i email him back? in a sick way i want to talk to him, but probably for the wrong reasons. And it would break my heart if he just wanted to be "friends" or have "small talk"...ugh..what do i do? Quote Link to comment
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