Calling back

[jessijess]

I have a guy i'm talking to who used to call back every single time, but now convienently falls asleep or doesnt feel good. Thing is, he always calls the next day saying I;m sorry sweetie.

Am I wrong in thinking he's a player? A friend of mine said I was being too harsh....

[splashdown]

Maybe I'm behind on the jargon, but what do you mean by "talking to"? Are you dating or just talking?

[caro33]

Too hard to call from what you've said. Sometimes relationships just shift from that intense keenness to something more manageable. he might have stuff going on as well.

 

What else makes you suspicious, and what kind of frequency of calls and timeframes of him not calling you back are you talking about?

 

Do you see each other face to face as well? How do those plans go?

[jessijess]

we've been talking to each other on the phone about a month but only had 1 date so far. Up until a week we were talking about 3-4 times a day. (usually for about 5 minutes at a time)

hope that clears things up!

[caro33]

Well sort of, but how often is "but now convienently falls asleep or doesnt feel good" compared to the times he is able to talk? Does he sound distracted? Has he said he is tired/busy?

 

I personally think 3-4 times a day is a lot, but 5 mins a time is not much.

 

Why not just ask him when would be a better time to catch up and have a more in-depth conversation, but just one for the day? Also, why not organise a secomd date and see for yourself what his interest is?

[splashdown]

Sounds to me like the interest may be cooling a bit. Can't say for sure if he's a "player", but he may be interested in someone else.

 

Why haven't you dated each other more? Live too far, or just too busy?

[jessijess]

here's an example..... i left him a voicemail froday evening to see if he wanted to hang out that weekend. I didn't get a call back until Monday afternoon because he had a cold all weekend. when i talked to him yesterday he said he'd call me before he went to bed & again... no call.

one day last week he called me just to tell me he was working late & would call me after work & he did.

Maybe I am looking too much into all this?

[caro33]

I think the not calling all weekend because he had a cold sounds lame. Couldn't he have at least texted you or called to say he couldn't but thanks anyway?

 

If he was truly keen nothing would stop him from making a better effort. Last night just reinforced it.

 

I would not say he is a player necessarily, but yes his ardour has cooled. He does not seem terribly interested and it might not be worth you wasting too much more effort here.

[jessijess]

thanks for the input! I was getting paranoid after I was told I was being harsh. not about the guy, more about whether or not my luck with guys was something specifically wrong with me or if it was my cruddy taste in guys

[lady00]

Maybe you should try waiting a while to call again to see if the interest/chemistry is really there. If he calls you and asks you a few days in advance to hang out, then he's probably still interested in dating. If he doesn't call, well then you know he's not interested. I don't think its a good idea to call on a Friday and ask to hang out that weekend...and if he did that to you I wouldn't accept the date because it makes it seem like one person thinks the other is just hanging around not making plans and waiting for the other to call.

 

Also, since you're not a couple and have only been on one date, I don't think his cold excuse is necessarily a big deal. He may just have had a cold and decided that getting back to you was not a priority until he felt better because you're not in a relationship yet or he didn't really have a cold and he's just lost interest.

[itsallgrand]

I'm curious how come after one date it then became only phone?

 

Has he been 'busy' or unable to talk or answer when you have asked to see him?

[jessijess]

the week after our first date he called me saturday morning to hang out that day. Luckily I had just made plans with my brother (being the sucker i am, i would have accepted even though it was last second). we live about 40 minutes from each other & have both been working alot lately. But he also knows that my life is slowing down as of this week & have more free time.

[caro33]

So what about the weekends in between? Or is it just one - what happened that weekend? Why not meet one evening? Is it more you or him that can't meet up?

[isisastaria]

Why don't you just give him the same treatment? BE tired, busy, whatever. Don't wait around for him or expect him to call back everytime. Just don't call him as much.

If he IS into you, he will call back quickly garaunteed.

If he isn't that into you, he won't .

 

Plain and simple.

[lady00]

Are you dating other guys? That is an option worth exploring, I think.

[jessijess]

well this weekend will be 3 weeks since our date. i've decided that i'm not going to blow him off completely, but i'm going to try to let go of any romantic feelings. hey, you can never have too many friends! & as for if it was more me or him that couldnt hang out, it was a mix. thanks for the advise everyone!