A Simple Realization....that May Help You

[Lady Bugg]

Hey guys.

 

I know this is a subject that's been covered many times....

but recently the realization of how TRUE it is finally hit me.

 

There is a 'Getting Back Together" section on this forum...with stories of

people who want to know the magic formula of getting someone to take

them back, or how to make it work out...etc etc etc.

 

I have come to realize the BEST way to TRULY get over someone....

and who knows...MAYBE even get them back is to accept they are just

NOT the right person for you. I know this sounds so trite...and

overplayed but it makes sense. Think about it.....how many times have you

tried to make a certain relationship work? Only to have it blow up in your

face...or for the same issues to keep breaking you apart? Yet....rather

than saying "hey...this is just TOO much work, maybe I need to accept

it is not the right relationship for me"....we keep beating ourselves up

and attempting to fit a square peg into a round hole. We are going against

the grain....and what SHOULD feel good and right...feels horrible and

forced. A GOOD, healthy relationship that is SUPPOSED to be...would

never drain us. It would always make us happy, content and secure.

 

Have you ever heard of a couple that has been married, and miserable....

only to be the best of friends once they were divorced? It is because they

are FINALLY accepting that the relationship is NOT a good fit, and they are

free to be who they are. That is how a relationship SHOULD be.

 

 

So please...for your OWN sake STOP trying to force something that is

NOT supposed to be. Let go......it is such a freeing feeling....you'll be

amazed at how much lighter you'll feel.

 

Just wanted to share that today. Have a great day!!!

[Jetta]

Wonderful advice.

[Jayar]

100% agree... And if more people took this advice, then the "Relationship Conflict" section would bee the smallest section on this forum.

[Lady Bugg]

LOL Jayar...exactly.

It's weird...but one day I thought..."why am I doing this

to myself? I deserve better and to be happy..ALL the time"

I also thought....you know...I have the option of NOT bothering

with this person, who I feel MISERABLE about most of the time...

in that moment, I realized the choice to be happy was MINE.

[JoeWho]

I could not agree more with this post. It truly is an amazing feeling once you let go of that relationship.

[Dako]

Excellent advice, LB.

[TheFoglifter]

I agree -- I have a different reason though.

 

If you beg someone to "take you back", then you have absolutely ZERO power in the resulting relationship. While its possible that your dedication to the relationship made them realize that you were a wonderful person to be with, and they may indeed want to be with you, there is still the fact that you have declared that you are more interested than the other person is.

[houdini]

Great post, one question or comment though.... I can relate to the comment: ("we keep beating ourselves up and attempting to fit a square peg into a round hole. We are going against the grain") But how do you get past the fact that the reasons it wasn't a good fit was because of our own personal issues,problems and hang ups that prevented us from being who we truly are or can be? Everyone has faults and sometimes it's hard to let go of the one you love especially if you know that we both had our problems that if we had taken the time to fix them we could have had something special....thats why it's so hard for me to let go...

 

Now back to the comment of the "Square Peg/Round Hole" If we aren't happy with ourselves, change our faults,personal problems,become a better person and we're the "square peg" any relationship in the future is going to be a "Round Hole" no matter who we meet, perfect or not because we're still the same person.

 

So.....Why not spend the time and effort to change who we are and make the relationship work with the one we know we loved especially if there are children involved. I think a person has to be honest with themselves, truly honest with themselves and ask if there was anything they could have done different to possibly turn that "round hole" into a "square hole" and make a perfect fit... anything is possible if you try!!!!

 

 

Mario

aka Houdini

[keefy1972]

If you're a square peg...you need a square hole. Simple.

[RayKay]

The only part I disagree with is...that sometimes even GOOD relationships are going to go through rough times, and require effort. And during these times, you may not feel all "happy, content and secure". Realize that it is not always because on of the other persons is making the other miserable, but because there are doubts that arise, struggles they need to face, changes they need to make together.

 

Sometimes people whom really do have a strong relationship run into troubles together where the communication is not easy, or someone unintentionally hurts the other, and so on....and couples that can work TOGETHER through these also become stronger. Love comes through shared experiences, and that includes not just the good ones, but the ones they have to work as a team through.

 

There is a medium between "forcing something" and "walking away because it does not always come easy".

[Lady Bugg]

Ray Kay you make very good points...and I hope no one assumed I meant that a GOOD relationship has no issues. I by NO means meant that.....EVERY relationship goes through ups and downs. My main point was the people (myself included) who continue to resolve the same issue over and over....

or trying to change THEMSELVES for someone who simply is NOT a good match for them....because regardless if you twist yourself into a pretzel or not....if you are not compatible with someone it is going to come out one way or another. So sometimes it's best to just find someone with whom you DON'T have to jump through hoops for...or be someone you are not.

[ImThatGirl]

LadyBugg, I completely get what you are saying.

 

Sometimes two people just are not a fit. Within a relationship, we need to mostly accept our mate for who they are. Of course meshing takes a little work. But after a bit, we all need to determine if this person is not just someone we can accept into our lives and act rather than sitting around continuing the patterns.

 

 

Thanks for posting!

[NyGentleman]

What about for those woman who have a great guy in front of them and for some reason walk away from that and try to go back to the ex...

 

I understand what your saying about all this, to some though its just not that easy...Im going through this right now...and to make matters worse the ex treated her miserably, but she takes upon herself to say she made it that way...

I was the rebound (but also the friend) this is why it hurts so bad...

 

She took away all her feelings for me and not even 2 days later is communicating back with the ex...i just dont get it...

[Leonhart]

Absolutely correct. You're a wise lady.

 

And the peg analogy, beautiful! Sounds like something I'd say. lol So true, too.