A question for Women...

[jordan1234]

I have posted frequently about my brak up with my GF. She broke up with me. We had bronken up before and it took 3-4 months of limited contact to get back. She said "i love you".....I said it back, but we did not say it too much to each other although i did call her "lovie" all the time. I guess i was a little guarded. I trated her very well, but over time we settled a bit. I think i took her for granted a little, but was stil romantic at times. I felt this was normal.

 

My question, i know women have different thresholds for loving attention, but does that influence feeling? if you have feelings for someone you wokr at it right? If not then it takes hold...i am grappling to understand if this was the issue that led to thebrak up. Basically me being guarded....

[flower99]

I'm sorry I want to help...but I'm having trouble understanding the question. Could you reword it a bit.

[Semid]

Of course it influece the feelling, you have to give if you want to receive.

[flower99]

ahhh!! I think I get it.

Yes if you have feelings for someone you work on it...BUT 2 must work at it. If she felt she was the only one working on it, She may give up...feelings aren't enough to keep a healthy relationship going.

 

Being guarded is okay, as long as you are still working to meet the others needs too. Honestly though, your relationship does sound normal though, from what you described.

Did she not give a reason for the break up???

[jordan1234]

ahhh!! I think I get it.

Yes if you have feelings for someone you work on it...BUT 2 must work at it. If she felt she was the only one working on it, She may give up...feelings aren't enough to keep a healthy relationship going.

 

Being guarded is okay, as long as you are still working to meet the others needs too. Honestly though, your relationship does sound normal though, from what you described.

Did she not give a reason for the break up???

 

 

Well she said that she "lost" her feelings in november, and that led to her thinking we should break up. Although she said this to me last year when we broke up and we got back together. So its hard to tell. We broke up in january. We were both putting in a little less effort, but i still felt we had agreat relationship. She seemed happy, but we hit a bit of a rut, as i felt (we had been steadily together for about 8 months).

 

I feel now that I might have given less than steller effort, and that led to us growing apart a bit. I do think she didn't put in as much effort as she could have as well, but i guess why i ask, is that when yo are sensing that someone has a guard and you have feelings i would usually think most would try a little harder and are less likely to give up....

[flower99]

I feel now that I might have given less than steller effort, and that led to us growing apart a bit. I do think she didn't put in as much effort as she could have as well, but i guess why i ask, is that when yo are sensing that someone has a guard and you have feelings i would usually think most would try a little harder and are less likely to give up....

 

"When someone has a guard up you do try a ltitle harder & are less likely to give up" I think yes, for maybe the first year.

After that, I'd just get tired. Because it leaves a person feeling unloved & unvalued. Might leave you with the attitude of "I'm not worth it to you, you aren't worth it to me"

But if you both weren't putting in the effort and you knew that you were growing apart....perhaps it wasn't meant to be.

I'd keep on your search for love, there is a women who will understand & be patient.

I wish you happiness