Hyphenating baby's last name - opinions?

[Dilly]

I have a preference to use my boyfriend's last name, but have thought many times that it may not be fair to cut my last name out (to me and my family). Do you think it's cumbersome to give a baby a hyphenated last name?

[rocio]

I'm planning on doing (my last name)-(his last name).

I guess another option is to use my last name as a middle name. Curious to hear people's comments.

[Ash]

This is only my opinion and may not be shared by anybody else, but I find hyphenated last names a little cumbersome. Additionally, it's not something that can be carried on past a single generation otherwise your child's child could possibly end up with a triple or quadruple part last name.

 

You could consider giving your baby your (or his for that matter) last names it as one of the given names. That way it's not lost.

[Dilly]

Hazey, that's what I was thinking too! And Ash, I thought about what you said but mine is a basic name (no virtue to it at all) so I wouldn't want to waste a middle name by using it as a placeholder - Know what I mean?

 

Fortunately, I having a girl and she can change her name when she gets married and if she wants to dump one when she's old enough to make those decisions on her own, fine.

 

Still partial to the idea of giving her HIS last name, but many people have advised me to consider otherwise.

[Ash]

And Ash, I thought about what you said but mine is a basic name (no virtue to it at all) so I wouldn't want to waste a middle name by using it as a placeholder - Know what I mean?

 

I know what you are saying Dilly, but no matter how "basic' you think your name is, it's your's and it's important and it means something to you. Don't lose sight of that and compromise because just maybe you think it's not all the great a name.

 

Sometimes it's easier (and this I don't think applies to you). M wouldn't want her last name since it's her ex-husband's last name (too complicated to change back to her maiden name). However, we still could use her maiden name as a middle name.

 

As for middle (given) names, I don't think it's an issue to have one or two more than most other people. You don't always have to use all of them (except for when your kids gets in BIG trouble ... our little guy has three given names to his siblings two, so he gets more heck when his full name is invoked!)

[ImThatGirl]

Definitely have two cents to put in about this!

 

My last name is very long so I opted for giving my children their fathers last names. (At the times, I also hoped to eventually have the same last name.)

 

I feel very strongly that a hyphenated last name is best!

Why?

-Because everytime I have to fill out paperwork, it feels weird to put my last name and then their last name as a different last name.

-Because when someone from the sports team or school or doctors office, etc. etc. calls me, half the time they address me as Mrs. Childs Last Name.

 

Again, I wouldn't have given them my last name rather than their fathers but I really wish I would have had a shorter last name and I would have hyphenated it. (At this point, I probably would have hypenated it even though mine is long!)

[Beec]

I dislike the hyphenated names, mostly because I see no end in sight if the slope is slippery.

 

I do like the middle name, and it need not simply be a place holder.

[CarnelianButterfly]

A few friends of mine are from Spanish families and they have a long string of names. My female friend was happy to dump all of them when she married, she said its so much easier than going through all the junk.

My guy friend only used his full family name when he graduated and even then he laughed at it.

[RayKay]

My mother's last name is mine (and my siblings) second middle name. We can use it as a last name if we want, or not.

 

She had asked us if we wanted to hyphenate or add it as a second name, and we chose the latter for both sound and options!

 

Then again I am not a fan of hyphenating anyway

[Dilly]

As for middle (given) names, I don't think it's an issue to have one or two more than most other people. You don't always have to use all of them (except for when your kids gets in BIG trouble ... our little guy has three given names to his siblings two, so he gets more heck when his full name is invoked!)

 

HAHAHA! THANKS!!! A couple middle names, why not???

[Dilly]

THANKS FOR ALL THE FEEDBACK, ITG, RayKay, Beec, and Carnelian!!!

 

I may resolve this at the midnight hour. I HATE hyphenated names, but even my own boyfriend wanted to change his last name. We like his lst name, but... gosh, I don't know. Mine is very ordinary and his is very unnusual and well, I guess I'm just confused. I don't have one problem taking my daughter's opinion into consideration when she's old enough!!! Both her father and I agree if she doesn't like her name, she can change it.

[agent1607307371]

One option I've come accross is combining names, taking pieces you like from both names and working it into a good sounding last name.

It was in an article about the options for couples who didn't want to automatically take the mans last name after marriage, but didn't want to have two separate names. Just a thought...

[rocio]

One option I've come accross is combining names, taking pieces you like from both names and working it into a good sounding last name.

It was in an article about the options for couples who didn't want to automatically take the mans last name after marriage, but didn't want to have two separate names. Just a thought...

 

Legally you can do that? Just make up a last name??

 

Hmm.. Jabiyi? Fasper? No, I don't think that would work for us!

[agent1607307371]

Legally you can change your name to anything you want. We have a man at work who is now legally The Lord Sung, no word of a lie.

[Dilly]

I think I may hyphenate the last name. I just think it's fair. I think it's awkward, but fair. My friend pointed out to me however that a hyphenated last name MAY suggest that we are a family unit. I disagree to some extent in that to me, it suggests the child's lineage. Being somewhat objective and liberated and not wanting to leave facts out of the picture, I think a hyphenated last name accurately recognizes both sides of the family and part of me likes that. I have not discussed this with my partner, but I can not see that he would have any real objections to it.

[Dilly]

Another thought on this - hyphenation allows both of us to recognize our families with a single last name. It's very cumbersome, but so is having a child out of marriage. Maybe not cumbersome, but different. Lots of women say, just give the child your last name. I wish I could ask for opinions on that? Is that respectful to the father, to the child (to assume the mother's name only)?

 

Look, I know there are many situations, but in a partnership where both members of the couple are content with the idea of splitting responsibilities in raising the child, it seems like it also seems like a good idea to give the child both party's last names. To each their own, I guess.

 

I started thinking that even though my last name is ordinary, it's still my heritage and my family is very important to me. Losing that is troubling.

 

But I guess the norm is to lose half of your lineage if you follow the rule of assuming the husband's last name anyway. Uggg.

[Ash]

Dilly, no reason at all you can't ask for opinions!

 

I posted a bit earlier on the thread about my situation. The kids M and I are having have my last name because her last names is not really hers at all, it's her ex-husbands. I would like to have her maiden name somewhere in the mix though, and I think if our latest is a girl I will pretty much insist.

 

BTW, one of my grandmother's supersitions is that initials have to spell a word. My dad is MAP, I'm NAP, sister is CAMP. My first child we cheated, but close. She's KAP. Next daughter was AMP. My first son is CAP. Our newest again we cheated on, he's JIMP. My excuse is that's he's J. IMP and an imp he certainly is!!

 

But I digress.

 

I think it's fairly common for a child to take the father's name if there are two last names for the parents. My ex wife kept her last name, but all the kids took my last name. I think if it's a boy there's the whole antiquated lineage thing that tends to have some pressure to take the father's name. If it's a girl perhaps it more open. Perhaps that's too sexist.

 

Another aspect is a boy can take one of the father's given name, and then the possibility of the mother's last name would give him a name from both sides. I realize this is in contrvention to the lineage thing I talked about above, but is another aspect to it. Vice versa if it's a baby girl. Moms given name and dads last name.

 

I'll shut up now!

[Iceman26]

Legally you can change your name to anything you want. We have a man at work who is now legally The Lord Sung, no word of a lie.

 

There was a Bears fan who lost a bet over the Super Bowl and changed his name to Peyton Manning.

 

Not a fan of the hyphenated name, but I think putting another last name as the middle name is cool

[rocio]

I completely agree with you, Dilly. If I were to be married I would also keep my name. Heck, why shouldn't he change his last name to mine!? haha.

 

seriously, I think people's attitudes are changing and they're starting to question some sexist norms that are present in society. In the future, there will probably be alot more kids with hyphenated names and families members with different last names. My family name is very important to me and I want it to be carried on through my kids.

[Iceman26]

 

seriously, I think people's attitudes are changing and they're starting to question some sexist norms that are present in society. In the future, there will probably be alot more kids with hyphenated names and families members with different last names. My family name is very important to me and I want it to be carried on through my kids.

 

But where does it stop? Two hundred years from now people could have like 10 last names.

 

I just started a genealogical chart for my family so our children can see where they came from, on both my side and my wife's side. In my opinion, it serves the same purpose, and if my kids don't like their last name then they can change it when they are legally able to.

[rocio]

I'm not sure how it works. My sister married a Guatemalan guy and according to their tradition, you hyphenate. So her last name is now hyphenated and so is her daughter's. I'm not sure how it works because people down there but they must have some kind of system. I should ask her about it..

[rocio]

"At present day in Spain, women upon marrying keep their two family names intact. In certain situations she may be addressed as if her maternal surname had been replaced with her husband's paternal surname often linked with de. For example, a woman named Ana García Díaz, upon marrying Juan Guerrero Macías, could be called Ana García de Guerrero. This custom, begun in medieval times, is decaying and only has legal validity in Ecuador,Guatemala, Peru, Mexico, and Panama."

 

link removed

 

...confusing!

[Dilly]

I'll shut up now!

 

ASH!!! I love your feedback... Please do not hold back!!! You are a great voice on this forum!!!

Thank you for the food for thought and the interesting perspective on initials spelling out words! You and your wife are so cute!!!

[Dilly]

seriously, I think people's attitudes are changing and they're starting to question some sexist norms that are present in society. In the future, there will probably be alot more kids with hyphenated names and families members with different last names. My family name is very important to me and I want it to be carried on through my kids.

 

 

This is how I feel. I anticipate that hyphenation will become more of a common practice and my family name, though boring, conveys lineage that I'm very proud of and while my partner's last name is intriguing, he has little to do with his paternal family now and has over the last two years seriously contemplated a name change (full name change). Nonetheless, I like his last name and I like mine. We'll see.

[rocio]

Yeah, I love getting the husband/dad's perspective on this stuff. You're great, Ash!