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How to tell if gf has a promiscuous past?


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Been dating my gf (she is 36) for 8 months or so. We are doing fine.

 

I just want to know if there is a way to tell if she has had a promiscuous past or not.

 

She has never been married.

 

I don't want to bring this up to her, and if I did, she would probably lie about the "number" anyway. But I really want to know if she has been around or not.

 

If I asked, do most women lie about the number of partners they have been with?

 

Also, what is probably a ballpark number for her? - 36, never married?

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I care because i just want to know. They say the past doesn't matter, but it does. I don't want to get really serious with a woman who has been with a lot of guys.

 

 

 

As unpopular as this may be with a lot of people, I agree with you. I would want to know also.

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I care because i just want to know. They say the past doesn't matter, but it does. I don't want to get really serious with a woman who has been with a lot of guys.

 

This is complete crap.

 

With the exception of possible STDs (can be known with a test you both should get anyways...), how does her number of partners have anything to do with her suitability as a partner?

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Hmm, k, weird.

 

Well, there are two ways. One is to just, y'know, ask her. I mean, she may lie, but she may not and since there's no real way to tell, that may not be the way to go.

 

The other way is to hire a private detective and dig into her past. I think you should totally do this one!

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I think that is cruddy. My fiance was single for 14 years....me only for three. I would NEVER ask him that question. It is none of my business. The only thing that matters is that he loves me now and we are monogomous. It is unfair to go stirring and snooping about in someone's past..if it were me, and you were asking that question..I would tell you to mind your own business.

Perhaps you should date women who are virgins, young or right out of a convent. Sheesh.

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I care because i just want to know. They say the past doesn't matter, but it does. I don't want to get really serious with a woman who has been with a lot of guys.

 

I can understand you wanting to know about her sexual past, but honestly it's none of your business. As long as you know she "clean" and that she's faithful to you, let her past be her past. You should be able to tell what kind of character she has by now. Just because she's never been married doesn't mean she's had a lot of partners. How many serious relationships has she been in? How long did they last? There's some questions you can ask her to give you an idea of a number, if you must know.

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I care because i just want to know. They say the past doesn't matter, but it does. I don't want to get really serious with a woman who has been with a lot of guys.

 

Why wait until 8 months in? There is nothing anyone could (or should) do to change their past. If this was so important to you, I can't help but think you should have made it a condition up front.

 

What do you call 'a lot'? What would you consider acceptable? What combinations? ie what if she's done a lot of men, but always been faithful and so on? Is that better than someone with a lower number who has had threesomes/foursomes? What about same sex experience?

 

I just think it's a minefield, and there are no absolutes. The important thing: are you happy? are you both faithful?

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Why wait until 8 months in? There is nothing anyone could (or should) do to change their past. If this was so important to you, I can't help but think you should have made it a condition up front.

 

 

Exactly, why now?

 

And, if you love her for the woman you know her to be, then who cares? Whatever she has in her past has made her who she is now.

 

How would you feel if 8 months in to a relationship the woman you loved was questioning your sexual past and might or might not leave you b/c of it? Ouch

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Yeah...what she said ^^^^ Unless she was a prostitute...(which shows some character issues) Gee, how many women have YOU slept with? It seems sociatally, it shows a man has "mojo"...if a woman acts the same way...she is considered dirty or bad. And if you two sat at a table and wrote down names, and all the details of your pasts...what would that accomplish? You breaking up. It's crap. People do change...and past behaviors do not always predict the future. Are you just looking for an excuse to break it off?

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Yeah...what she said ^^^^ (michelleth) Unless she was a prostitute...(which shows some character issues) Gee, how many women have YOU slept with? It seems sociatally, it shows a man has "mojo"...if a woman acts the same way...she is considered dirty or bad. And if you two sat at a table and wrote down names, and all the details of your pasts...what would that accomplish? You breaking up. It's crap. People do change...and past behaviors do not always predict the future. Are you just looking for an excuse to break it off?

 

Amen sister!

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AND...ahem...my fiance is quite knowledgeable in the areas of intimacy...if he was some guy who had only slept with three women in 14 years, he would most likely be similar to some of the complete klutzes I have been with. I get to reap the (quite lovely) benefits of his education. Yay for me !

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I'm curious to know from the OP why he needs to know.

 

Do you think she's more likely to cheat on you or leave you for another guy is she's "been around"?

Would it make you uncomfortable to know she has lots of other guys to compare you to?

Do you feel that women who have "been around" have less respect for themselves? ..deserve less respect?

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If her past might be a problem for you, then ask her straight up. There is no way to divine the number of partners she's had. If you're in a relationship you should be able to speak frankly with your partner and be open and honest about your wants and expectations. If her having had few partners is an expectation of yours then you're going to have to ask her. Get it straight from the source.

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Maybe he is just a curious?

 

I would just want to know just out of curiosity, maybe not specific numbers but a ballpark figure. It probably wouldn't make any difference in the relationship especially at the 8 month mark, but I would be too curious to never ask.

 

Also you don't necessarily need to sleep with a lot of people to be "skilled".

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There's no way to tell short of asking her.

 

However, from your first post, it sounds like you'd have some doubts about her answer, even if she told you the absolute truth. That is a no-win situation.

 

Frankly, if I was asked that question, I'd be offended. The impression I'd get was someone was getting ready to judge me on past behavior that may have absolutely nothing to do with who I am now.

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